Relationships can be tough sometimes. Just like they can be the biggest reason for your happiness, they can also be the biggest reason for someone’s sadness and pain. Cheating is one of those things that can break apart a person from the inside, and truly destroy the most stable relationships. However, sometimes relationship betrayals are more than just having sex with someone who is not your spouse.
There are so many couples who go for marital counseling or couples counseling, with the hopes that it will heal their broken relationship. They open up about their biggest fears as well as their deepest longings and desires when it comes to soul-satisfying love, companionship, and commitment with a partner.
The pain and sting of infidelity are one of the toughest experiences a couple can go through. However, it is not the only thing that should be counted as there are so many other kinds of relationship betrayals that can disintegrate a relationship, and finish it for good.
Here Are 6 Relationship Betrayals That Has Nothing To Do With Cheating
1. Not valuing the relationship.
Relationships are living, dynamic things. They need to be nurtured day in and day out.
There are many couples who have bought into the idea that once they found a great partner and are committed, no more effort would be required and the relationship would naturally take care of itself. So instead of prioritizing quality time and communication with their partner (like they did when they were dating), the relationship gets pushed to the back burner.
Your relationship will not thrive if you only invest in it when it suits you. This kind of neglect is a one-way ticket to splitsville. Your partner requires (and is worthy of) more than scraps of leftover time and attention.
Related: Lack Of Attention Slowly Ruining Your Relationship?
2. Not putting effort in yourself, physically and/or mentally.
Some couples achieve a certain level of comfort in a relationship, and then gradually stop taking care of their physical and emotional wellbeing. This can mean your physical health falls by the wayside, or you are their personal growth work is deprioritized. This can lead to poorer communication, or complacency, and selfishly ignoring your partner’s feelings.
When you put less emphasis on being the best version of ourselves, you bring less joy and fulfillment to your relationship. In fact, you start to cultivate opposing feelings: boredom and dissatisfaction. True closeness with a partner requires true closeness with and value for yourself. Your own healing and self-care strengthen your relationship.
3. Neglecting the quality of your relationship.
Humans receive so many cultural messages that teach them to think that they are not good enough, important enough, or desirable enough if they are single. In response to this, many people go on a fanatical quest to find a partner, get the engagement ring, and run down the aisle.
This way of approaching relationships puts the label “relationship” on a pedestal and distracts us from the thing that actually matters most: having the human experience we desire most. Dr. Robert Firestone refers to this as the “fantasy bond.” In his book, Conquer Your Critical Inner Voice, Dr. Firestone says the fantasy bond is the single most important factor leading to the deterioration of love and attraction in a relationship.
When you make the relationship label a higher priority than the actual relationship, intimacy, affection, and the strength of your bond will start to weaken, and in time, disappear altogether. This is one of those relationship betrayals which can be extremely hard to come back from.
You have to develop a solid friendship with your partner and routinely check-in. You need to ask yourselves at times, ‘Is our relationship truly everything it can be? Or, should we put in more effort to make it even better, stronger, and healthier?”.
Related: 3 Betrayals That Ruin Relationships (That Aren’t Infidelity)
4. Not being responsible for your own personal growth.
If you aren’t truly owning your development and growth as an individual, you can easily fall into patterns of codependence and begin to (unconsciously) expect your partner to be responsible for your happiness. This is incredibly draining for your significant other.
There are many people who resist personal growth work and then place the burden on their partners to make up for the emotional groundwork they’re not willing to cover for themselves. This creates an extreme inequality in the relationship—one person is mostly in “give” mode, and one person is mostly in “take” mode.
When you take responsibility for your inner healing and feelings, you consciously take away the weight of unjust expectations from your partner and help them support you as an equal, rather than they having to carry you, or being responsible for what you feel.
