It’s time for you to stop hating Women….
(Note: this is a companion piece to my recent article How To Stop Hating Men. I also write the following article primarily directed at heterosexual men, since that demographic makes up a near-majority of my readership.)
One of the most challenging, and often invisible, themes that keep people from progressing in their relationships (and their lives) is their unprocessed anger with the opposite sex.
It can actually be quite common for men to have repressed anger towards women and to only be in touch with a small percentage of it.
This disowned anger can show up in any number of ways…
– Subtly undermining their partner/spouse
– Avoiding intimate relationships altogether
– Shaming remarks directed at women that seem to come out of nowhere
– Struggling with female co-workers/authority figures/employees
– Frequently talking about how women are a negative distraction from your life
– Having zero long-term female friendships
– Only engaging in gendered social groups/going to great lengths to avoid women personally and professionally
And listen… I get it.
Your anger is justified.
Anyone who has lived for more than a handful of years likely has many stories of times that women hurt them deeply.
– Maybe your female babysitter abused you.
– Maybe you had your heart broken many times at the hands of women and at a certain point you just felt completely done with it all.
– Maybe you grew up with a single mother whose dependency on the validation of unhealthy romantic partners brought a slew of abusive and unavailable father figures into your life, and you fault her for it.
– Maybe every time you deployed the courage it took to show your vulnerable emotions to a woman she shamed and ridiculed you for it. Made you wrong. Called you weak. I called you a pussy. Accused you of not being a real man.
– Maybe you have felt ignored, shamed, objectified, dismissed, or taken advantage of by women.
– Maybe you married your high school sweetheart and you thought everything was absolutely perfect, and then out of nowhere she cheated on you, told you she wanted a divorce, the court sided with her unfairly, and then she took 50% of everything you owned in the world and took your children away from you.
– Maybe you were a victim of domestic violence at the hands of a woman and when you mustered up the courage to tell someone about it, they doubted you and/or laughed at you.
– Maybe you were sexually assaulted by a woman and didn’t get any sympathy for that because your friends told you that ‘Men can’t get raped’.
– Maybe you are angry that divorce courts favor women when it comes to custody, monetary settlements, and other facets of family law.
– Maybe you have felt chronically neglected by women, and it has hurt you to feel invisible in the minds of someone whose love you crave so deeply.
But here’s the thing…
In life, we only ever have one choice (every moment). We can either open our hearts to love, or we can close our hearts and suffer.
Now… before I lose you for going too hippy too fast… here’s what I mean by that.
It’s easier to collapse in around our pain, and to project that pain on to something so that we feel safer in the world… then it is to feel the underlying pain and do our own individual healing work so that we can absolve the false monolith in our minds (and set ourselves free in the process).
Our stories, fears, and personal biases feel like they protect us… when in reality, they simply keep us asleep.
It’s like walking through life with a blanket over your entire body that you can only partially see-through. Sure, the blanket might be keeping you warm… and maybe it even gives you a sense of safety… but it also obscures your vision and makes your life more limited and contracted than it would be otherwise.