There can be many reasons for a woman to resent men. You have allowed yourself to see as a victim and blamed every man for reasons that can be of emotional or physical, or societal. Are you one of the women who hates men? Maybe it’s time to stop hating men….
(Note: this is a companion piece to my recent article How To Stop Hating Men. I also write the following article primarily directed at heterosexual women, since that demographic makes up the majority of my readership.)
One of the most challenging, and often invisible, themes that keep people from progressing in their relationships (and their lives) is their unprocessed anger with the opposite sex.
It can actually be quite common for women to have repressed anger towards men and to only be in touch with a small percentage of it.
This disowned anger can show up in any number of ways…
– Emasculating their romantic partner/men
– Assuming the worst of men in all situations
– Cutting/shaming remarks towards men that seem to come out of nowhere
– Struggling with co-workers/authority figures/employees that are male
– Having zero long-term male friends
– Only engaging in gendered social groups/going to great lengths to avoid men personally and professionally
And listen… I get it. Your anger is justified.
Women have been treated as second class citizens in most cultures since the dawn of time. Women weren’t allowed to vote until 1920. Women were literal property in a western society less than a hundred years ago. Women’s bodies have been policed, regulated, and limited, and their voices have been minimized and silenced. And men were the lawmakers who kept women down.
Not only that… anyone who has lived for more than a handful of years likely has many stories of times that men hurt them personally.
Maybe your male babysitter abused you.
Maybe you were a sexual assault victim at the hands of men. Maybe many times over many years.
Maybe you had male partners cheat on you, lie to you, or take advantage of you in a number of ways.
Maybe you had your heart broken many times at the hands of men and at a certain point you just felt completely done with it all.
Maybe you were part of a community that ended up being a cult, and men were the leaders of that cult and your trust was completely taken advantage of.
Maybe you have felt ignored, shamed, objectified, dismissed, or used by men.
Maybe you were a victim of domestic violence at the hands of a man.
Maybe you were made to feel like your body and/or your sexuality were never really your own, and that you only existed for the satisfaction and pleasure of men.
Maybe you were in a physically or emotionally abusive relationship with a man who manipulated you so thoroughly that you completely lost your sense of self and you slowly had to rebuild after all of the pain that you endured.
Maybe your father left when you were a child. Maybe your brother beat you up. Maybe the boys at your school bullied you mercilessly and decimated your self-esteem in a way that still stings to this day.
Any number of things could have happened in your relationships with men. And all of those things are real. Those things happened. People do truly horrible things, and I’m sorry that you have had those experiences.
But here’s the thing…
In life, we only ever have one choice to make, in every moment. We can either open our hearts to love, or we can close our hearts and guarantee our suffering.
Now… before I lose you for going too hippy too fast… here’s what I mean by that.
It’s easier to collapse in around our pain, and to project that pain on to something so that we feel safer in the world… then it is to feel the underlying pain and do our own individual healing work so that we can forgive the false, constructed, evil monolith in our minds (and set ourselves free in the process).
Our stories, fears, and personal biases feel like they protect us… when in reality, they simply keep us asleep. It’s like walking through life with a blanket over your entire body that you can only partially see-through. Sure, the blanket might be keeping you warm… and maybe it even gives you a sense of safety and predictability… but it also obscures your vision and makes your life more limited and contracted than it would be otherwise.