16 Painful Things I Learned Trying To Love Someone Who Was Toxic For Me

Love can be life-changing, but what happens when it becomes toxic? Letโ€™s unravel the painful lessons learned from trying to love someone toxic who was toxic for me. Brace yourself for a raw exploration of heartache, and the power of letting go.




At one point in life, we all have been in a relationship with a toxic person for a short or a long time. If you havenโ€™t met a toxic person yet, then these lessons will help you stay safe. Here are the things I have learned trying to love someone who was toxic for me.

โ€œI know Iโ€™m probably better off on my own. Than loving a man who didnโ€™t know what he had when he had it. And I see the permanent damage you did to me Never again, I just wish I could forget when it was magic.โ€ย 

โ€“ Taylor Swift

16 Things I Learned When Loving Someone Who Was Toxic For Me

1. I couldnโ€™t love someone into liking me.

I thought if I tried hard enough or did enough or cared enough maybe it would convince him into feeling the same way. I thought love could solve this. But what I didnโ€™t realize was love needs to be on both ends for it to work.



someone who was toxic for me

What I didnโ€™t realize was someone either feels a way about you or they donโ€™t. You shouldnโ€™t have to convince someone to care.

2. History didnโ€™t mean there would be a future.

I held on to tightly to the past because I didnโ€™t want to forget it. Not only was I living in the past but I was letting that convince me there would be a future. I thought because of the time I invested in this person no one would know him the way I did.

I thought he owed me a future simply because I was part of his past.




Related: Why The Girls With The Best Hearts Find Themselves In Toxic Relationships

3. Eventually the circles we ran in tired me.

We run in circles with toxic people because we want the outcome to be different. We want to be right about them. They become a habit we canโ€™t break.

But every time Iโ€™d answer his text and felt weak for doing so, small talk would lead to where are we going? What are we doing? A quick hookup would lead to being strangers again, all the while my feelings didnโ€™t change.

What I wish I learned earlier was no matter how many chances someone gets if they arenโ€™t right once they arenโ€™t going to be right the second, third or fourth time.

4. I couldnโ€™t trust him and stopped trusting myself.

When you master the art of lying so well I think people donโ€™t even realize the difference anymore.

It was every false promise, it was every plan that heโ€™d cancel last minute. It was known in the back of my mind Iโ€™m probably not the only girl blowing up his phone. It was not having the confidence then to walk away knowing I deserved more.




Wanting to trust him and trusting him were two very different things.

Related: Toxic Narcissism in Relationships: Top 10 Warning Signs Youโ€™re Being Gaslighted

5.ย  The good shouldnโ€™t have made me forget so much bad.

Heโ€™d do one good thing and Iโ€™d forget the three days he went ignoring me. Heโ€™d do something to deliberately hurt me and with one โ€˜Iโ€™m sorryโ€™ he was forgiven. Heโ€™d compliment me and for some reason, I programmed myself to not remember the insult.

6. I couldnโ€™t keep giving parts of myself to keep him whole.

I thought if I gave him what he needed maybe heโ€™d feel more whole. But what I came to realize was you couldnโ€™t put yourself back together using people. You have to either live your life broken with confidence or figure out how to put yourself back together alone.

There are some wounds even love canโ€™t touch. But hell I tried everything.

I Learned Trying To Love Someone Who Was Toxic For Me

I lost myself to giving as much as I did. Itโ€™s really easy to lose yourself to someone when you think you love them and donโ€™t love yourself enough. Itโ€™s easy to give them everything but you have to take a step back when you arenโ€™t getting anything in return.

7. He built me back up after only after he was the one to tear me down.

Healthy relationships build each other up. Toxic ones only do that after only after they knock you. Itโ€™s a snide comment. Itโ€™s ignoring you.




Itโ€™s the excuses that never seem to end. Itโ€™s every situation someone being your fault. And suddenly youโ€™re walking on eggshells with everything you say and do.

Related: Why Romance Turns Toxic: The Psychology Behind Love & Relationships

8. It didnโ€™t love it was manipulation.

He needed someone to control when parts of his life were outside his control. He needed to know that when he jumped someone would say โ€˜how high.โ€™ He needed that validation that no matter what he did, someone would love him for it.

And I was an easy target. I was still learning to love myself and thought to get there I had to first be someone worthy of being loved. It was every changed story. It was him spinning everything justifying his actions because of something I did.

9. It wasnโ€™t love it was infatuation.

When you invest so much time and effort into someone you donโ€™t want it to be wasted. And I claimed it was love but more than that it was the want and need to be loved that kept me going




Related: We Often Stay In Abusive Relationships Because of Trauma Bonding

10. I shouldnโ€™t have loved someone who made me lose myself.

I just remember looking at myself one day wondering how I became this person. And I thought back to who I was before him and I realized I couldnโ€™t even recognize this person who thought so little of themselves to deal with this not once but one several occasion over such a long period of him.

11. I shouldnโ€™t have loved someone who made it a game.

I thought his love was something to be won over. I competed with others, I made myself look like a fool for trying, all the while heโ€™d change the rules whenever he felt. I was simply a pawn in his game.

12. I believed what I wanted, not what was true.

I took the good moments and the person I wanted him to be and believed that. What I didnโ€™t see was how blinded I was to the truth. I saw what I wanted to be the future and I danced with these ideas in my head because every time he said, โ€˜one dayโ€™, I believed it and wanted it more than anything.

13. He took me for granted.

When you give too much, people take it for granted. When you give it to the wrong people there suddenly is an expectation without the words โ€˜thank you.โ€™ I thought that if I kept trying maybe it would be reciprocated.

But if someone isnโ€™t meeting you halfway, donโ€™t keep walking.



14. He didnโ€™t deserve me.

He didnโ€™t deserve everything I did. But he also didnโ€™t ask for it either. I deserved to give myself more than I gave him but in loving him more than myself, I couldnโ€™t find that balance and it took so long to channel that effort into me.

Even with my best efforts, there was a cold realization after the fact, we didnโ€™t deserve each other no matter how many time we tried.

Related: Zodiac Signs and Their Toxic Habits, When In A Relationship

15.ย  I finally got enough strength to walk away.

There was a strength we both possessed. Because we challenged each other. A relationship even a toxic one can only continue if there are two people investing time and effort into one another.

And we did. And I think there were moments we wanted to get it right. There were moments where a future seemed clear. It wasnโ€™t all bad and thatโ€™s why I held on.

But sometimes two broken people coming together donโ€™t build each other up but rather completely destroy each other in the end. I think thatโ€™s what happened.


16.ย  He made me question everyone after him.

There is always an aftermath of any storm that enters. The debris that is leftover and the rebuilding that needs to be done. I spent so much time investing the same effort I put into him, into rebuilding myself and treating myself the way I treated him. It was there I found myself again.

To say I walked away unscarred would be a lie. I still find myself questioning really good people and wondering their motives. I find myself not trusting people because I never trusted him. I find myself jumping to conclusions and overcome with insecurity at times.

Itโ€™s then I have to take a step back and not have such a guard up and remind myself not everyone will hurt me. Not everyone is looking to gain something from my time and attention. Not everyone will leave even when I want to.

Itโ€™s in the moments I want to run the other way when someone gets close, I stop.



Because as hurt and broken as I was, I do not let his lack of love and a toxic relationship be my definition of what the real thing is.

โ€œI know, the bravest thing I ever did was run.โ€

When loving someone who is toxic for you, these are some of the things you will learn. And make sure you donโ€™t repeat these mistakes again!

Share your thoughts on the pain of loving someone toxic in the comments below!


Written By Kirsten Corley
Follow Her Work On Facebook
16 Things I Learned Trying To Love Someone Who Was Toxic For Me
Things Learned Love Someone Toxic For Me pin
someone is toxic

Published On:

Last updated on:

,

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— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

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Up Next

4 Gaslighting Phrases That Can Break You

4 Gaslighting Phrases That Can Break You

Gaslighting phrases arenโ€™t always loud or obviousโ€”sometimes, theyโ€™re quiet little daggers wrapped in concern or โ€œlogic.โ€

These subtle manipulations can make you question your reality, your feelings, even your worth. Letโ€™s break down 4 gaslighting phrases that can slowly, silently break you, and also how you can protect yourself from gaslighting.

KEY POINTS

Gaslighting is one of the most damaging forms of emotional manipulation.

It can leave you confused, second-guessing yourself, and even questioning your sanity.

If something feels off, donโ€™t dism

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The Worst Forms Of Manipulation People Do To Each Other

Manipulation is sneaky, toxic, and all too common in how people treat each other. Letโ€™s dive into the 5 worst forms of manipulation that can mess with your mind and emotions.

KEY POINTS

The worst forms of manipulation are those that unravel our sense of self, leaving us doubting our worth.

Whether itโ€™s gaslighting, love bombing, or guilt-tripping, the goal is always the same: Control.

Once we recognize these tactics, we can reclaim our power and ignore the mind games.

Humans are hands-down the most social creatures on the planet. We can form a

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Is Your Daughter in a Controlling Relationship? 9 Ways to Help Her Break Free

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Have you ever had a very strong gut feeling that your daughter might not be in a healthy relationship? Or that she is in a relationship with a controlling boyfriend? Today we are going to talk about what you can do, when you have a daughter in a controlling relationship.

Yeah, itโ€™s a tough pill to swallow. Bossy boyfriends sneakily isolate, manipulate and dim the light in the people they date. And if your daughter is dating someone like this, then it’s understandable how tough it can be to watch that.

However, there’s always light at the end of the tunnel – as her mother, you can help her break free from her controlling boyfriend. This isnโ€™t about swooping in like a superhero; itโ€™s about being smart, supportive, and steady.

First, let’s start with trying to understand who a controlling boyfriend

Up Next

8 Myths About Gaslighting Exposed: What You Really Need to Know

Myths About Gaslighting Exposed: What You Really Need to Know

Gaslighting is often misunderstood, and myths about gaslighting only adds to the confusion. Understanding this and trying to break down the most common misconceptions can help us uncover the truth about this manipulative behavior.

KEY POINTS

There’s a difference between casual phrases and patterns of manipulative behavior.

Gaslighting can have serious consequences and leave emotional and psychological pain.

Recognizing gaslighters can save you a lot of emotional pain and doubt.

Itโ€™s concerning how certain psychological terms can quickly become f

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Relationship With A Narcissist Phases Of The Toxic Cycle

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, with each phase presenting new challenges and realizations. These phases of a narcissistic relationship leave you questioning your self-worth. Understanding these stages can help you navigate the ups and downs of a narcissistic relationship more effectively.

KEY POINTS

Narcissists may manipulate through observation and charm, creating a false sense of bonding.

These relationships have distinct phases, often involving a gradual, potentially traumatizing end.

Understanding these phases aids in healing and setting boundaries.

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So, who exactly is a โ€œvindictive motherโ€? Well, itโ€™s not just a mom whoโ€™s a little cranky or gives you the cold shoulder once in a while. Weโ€™re talking about those mothers who holds grudges, plays mind games, and never hesitates to make your life harder. Why? Because she can.

A vindictive mother is a malicious mother, who isnโ€™t your regular parentโ€”she is controlling, manipulative, and, at times, straight out cruel.

Do you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around her? If you answered yes, then chances are you have vindictive narcissist mother. So today we are going to explore what the signs of a toxic mum are and what you can do to handle her.

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These energy vampires are really talented when it comes to mentally exhausting you, even though you didn’t do anything but have a simple conversation.

Have there been times where you have felt completely wiped after a chat or hangout? Then maybe itโ€™s time to figure out if youโ€™re dealing with an emotionally draining person.

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16 Painful Things I Learned Trying To Love Someone Who Was Toxic For Me

Written By:

Love can be life-changing, but what happens when it becomes toxic? Letโ€™s unravel the painful lessons learned from trying to love someone toxic who was toxic for me. Brace yourself for a raw exploration of heartache, and the power of letting go.




At one point in life, we all have been in a relationship with a toxic person for a short or a long time. If you havenโ€™t met a toxic person yet, then these lessons will help you stay safe. Here are the things I have learned trying to love someone who was toxic for me.

โ€œI know Iโ€™m probably better off on my own. Than loving a man who didnโ€™t know what he had when he had it. And I see the permanent damage you did to me Never again, I just wish I could forget when it was magic.โ€ย 

โ€“ Taylor Swift

16 Things I Learned When Loving Someone Who Was Toxic For Me

1. I couldnโ€™t love someone into liking me.

I thought if I tried hard enough or did enough or cared enough maybe it would convince him into feeling the same way. I thought love could solve this. But what I didnโ€™t realize was love needs to be on both ends for it to work.



someone who was toxic for me

What I didnโ€™t realize was someone either feels a way about you or they donโ€™t. You shouldnโ€™t have to convince someone to care.

2. History didnโ€™t mean there would be a future.

I held on to tightly to the past because I didnโ€™t want to forget it. Not only was I living in the past but I was letting that convince me there would be a future. I thought because of the time I invested in this person no one would know him the way I did.

I thought he owed me a future simply because I was part of his past.




Related: Why The Girls With The Best Hearts Find Themselves In Toxic Relationships

3. Eventually the circles we ran in tired me.

We run in circles with toxic people because we want the outcome to be different. We want to be right about them. They become a habit we canโ€™t break.

But every time Iโ€™d answer his text and felt weak for doing so, small talk would lead to where are we going? What are we doing? A quick hookup would lead to being strangers again, all the while my feelings didnโ€™t change.

What I wish I learned earlier was no matter how many chances someone gets if they arenโ€™t right once they arenโ€™t going to be right the second, third or fourth time.

4. I couldnโ€™t trust him and stopped trusting myself.

When you master the art of lying so well I think people donโ€™t even realize the difference anymore.

It was every false promise, it was every plan that heโ€™d cancel last minute. It was known in the back of my mind Iโ€™m probably not the only girl blowing up his phone. It was not having the confidence then to walk away knowing I deserved more.




Wanting to trust him and trusting him were two very different things.

Related: Toxic Narcissism in Relationships: Top 10 Warning Signs Youโ€™re Being Gaslighted

5.ย  The good shouldnโ€™t have made me forget so much bad.

Heโ€™d do one good thing and Iโ€™d forget the three days he went ignoring me. Heโ€™d do something to deliberately hurt me and with one โ€˜Iโ€™m sorryโ€™ he was forgiven. Heโ€™d compliment me and for some reason, I programmed myself to not remember the insult.

6. I couldnโ€™t keep giving parts of myself to keep him whole.

I thought if I gave him what he needed maybe heโ€™d feel more whole. But what I came to realize was you couldnโ€™t put yourself back together using people. You have to either live your life broken with confidence or figure out how to put yourself back together alone.

There are some wounds even love canโ€™t touch. But hell I tried everything.

I Learned Trying To Love Someone Who Was Toxic For Me

I lost myself to giving as much as I did. Itโ€™s really easy to lose yourself to someone when you think you love them and donโ€™t love yourself enough. Itโ€™s easy to give them everything but you have to take a step back when you arenโ€™t getting anything in return.

7. He built me back up after only after he was the one to tear me down.

Healthy relationships build each other up. Toxic ones only do that after only after they knock you. Itโ€™s a snide comment. Itโ€™s ignoring you.




Itโ€™s the excuses that never seem to end. Itโ€™s every situation someone being your fault. And suddenly youโ€™re walking on eggshells with everything you say and do.

Related: Why Romance Turns Toxic: The Psychology Behind Love & Relationships

8. It didnโ€™t love it was manipulation.

He needed someone to control when parts of his life were outside his control. He needed to know that when he jumped someone would say โ€˜how high.โ€™ He needed that validation that no matter what he did, someone would love him for it.

And I was an easy target. I was still learning to love myself and thought to get there I had to first be someone worthy of being loved. It was every changed story. It was him spinning everything justifying his actions because of something I did.

9. It wasnโ€™t love it was infatuation.

When you invest so much time and effort into someone you donโ€™t want it to be wasted. And I claimed it was love but more than that it was the want and need to be loved that kept me going




Related: We Often Stay In Abusive Relationships Because of Trauma Bonding

10. I shouldnโ€™t have loved someone who made me lose myself.

I just remember looking at myself one day wondering how I became this person. And I thought back to who I was before him and I realized I couldnโ€™t even recognize this person who thought so little of themselves to deal with this not once but one several occasion over such a long period of him.

11. I shouldnโ€™t have loved someone who made it a game.

I thought his love was something to be won over. I competed with others, I made myself look like a fool for trying, all the while heโ€™d change the rules whenever he felt. I was simply a pawn in his game.

12. I believed what I wanted, not what was true.

I took the good moments and the person I wanted him to be and believed that. What I didnโ€™t see was how blinded I was to the truth. I saw what I wanted to be the future and I danced with these ideas in my head because every time he said, โ€˜one dayโ€™, I believed it and wanted it more than anything.

13. He took me for granted.

When you give too much, people take it for granted. When you give it to the wrong people there suddenly is an expectation without the words โ€˜thank you.โ€™ I thought that if I kept trying maybe it would be reciprocated.

But if someone isnโ€™t meeting you halfway, donโ€™t keep walking.



14. He didnโ€™t deserve me.

He didnโ€™t deserve everything I did. But he also didnโ€™t ask for it either. I deserved to give myself more than I gave him but in loving him more than myself, I couldnโ€™t find that balance and it took so long to channel that effort into me.

Even with my best efforts, there was a cold realization after the fact, we didnโ€™t deserve each other no matter how many time we tried.

Related: Zodiac Signs and Their Toxic Habits, When In A Relationship

15.ย  I finally got enough strength to walk away.

There was a strength we both possessed. Because we challenged each other. A relationship even a toxic one can only continue if there are two people investing time and effort into one another.

And we did. And I think there were moments we wanted to get it right. There were moments where a future seemed clear. It wasnโ€™t all bad and thatโ€™s why I held on.

But sometimes two broken people coming together donโ€™t build each other up but rather completely destroy each other in the end. I think thatโ€™s what happened.


16.ย  He made me question everyone after him.

There is always an aftermath of any storm that enters. The debris that is leftover and the rebuilding that needs to be done. I spent so much time investing the same effort I put into him, into rebuilding myself and treating myself the way I treated him. It was there I found myself again.

To say I walked away unscarred would be a lie. I still find myself questioning really good people and wondering their motives. I find myself not trusting people because I never trusted him. I find myself jumping to conclusions and overcome with insecurity at times.

Itโ€™s then I have to take a step back and not have such a guard up and remind myself not everyone will hurt me. Not everyone is looking to gain something from my time and attention. Not everyone will leave even when I want to.

Itโ€™s in the moments I want to run the other way when someone gets close, I stop.



Because as hurt and broken as I was, I do not let his lack of love and a toxic relationship be my definition of what the real thing is.

โ€œI know, the bravest thing I ever did was run.โ€

When loving someone who is toxic for you, these are some of the things you will learn. And make sure you donโ€™t repeat these mistakes again!

Share your thoughts on the pain of loving someone toxic in the comments below!


Written By Kirsten Corley
Follow Her Work On Facebook
16 Things I Learned Trying To Love Someone Who Was Toxic For Me
Things Learned Love Someone Toxic For Me pin
someone is toxic

Published On:

Last updated on:

,

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

4 Gaslighting Phrases That Can Break You

4 Gaslighting Phrases That Can Break You

Gaslighting phrases arenโ€™t always loud or obviousโ€”sometimes, theyโ€™re quiet little daggers wrapped in concern or โ€œlogic.โ€

These subtle manipulations can make you question your reality, your feelings, even your worth. Letโ€™s break down 4 gaslighting phrases that can slowly, silently break you, and also how you can protect yourself from gaslighting.

KEY POINTS

Gaslighting is one of the most damaging forms of emotional manipulation.

It can leave you confused, second-guessing yourself, and even questioning your sanity.

If something feels off, donโ€™t dism

Up Next

The 5 Worst Forms Of Manipulation People Do To Each Other

The Worst Forms Of Manipulation People Do To Each Other

Manipulation is sneaky, toxic, and all too common in how people treat each other. Letโ€™s dive into the 5 worst forms of manipulation that can mess with your mind and emotions.

KEY POINTS

The worst forms of manipulation are those that unravel our sense of self, leaving us doubting our worth.

Whether itโ€™s gaslighting, love bombing, or guilt-tripping, the goal is always the same: Control.

Once we recognize these tactics, we can reclaim our power and ignore the mind games.

Humans are hands-down the most social creatures on the planet. We can form a

Up Next

Is Your Daughter in a Controlling Relationship? 9 Ways to Help Her Break Free

Daughter in a Controlling Relationship? Things You Can Do

Have you ever had a very strong gut feeling that your daughter might not be in a healthy relationship? Or that she is in a relationship with a controlling boyfriend? Today we are going to talk about what you can do, when you have a daughter in a controlling relationship.

Yeah, itโ€™s a tough pill to swallow. Bossy boyfriends sneakily isolate, manipulate and dim the light in the people they date. And if your daughter is dating someone like this, then it’s understandable how tough it can be to watch that.

However, there’s always light at the end of the tunnel – as her mother, you can help her break free from her controlling boyfriend. This isnโ€™t about swooping in like a superhero; itโ€™s about being smart, supportive, and steady.

First, let’s start with trying to understand who a controlling boyfriend

Up Next

8 Myths About Gaslighting Exposed: What You Really Need to Know

Myths About Gaslighting Exposed: What You Really Need to Know

Gaslighting is often misunderstood, and myths about gaslighting only adds to the confusion. Understanding this and trying to break down the most common misconceptions can help us uncover the truth about this manipulative behavior.

KEY POINTS

There’s a difference between casual phrases and patterns of manipulative behavior.

Gaslighting can have serious consequences and leave emotional and psychological pain.

Recognizing gaslighters can save you a lot of emotional pain and doubt.

Itโ€™s concerning how certain psychological terms can quickly become f

Up Next

6 Phases Of A Relationship With A Narcissist: The Emotional Rollercoaster

Relationship With A Narcissist Phases Of The Toxic Cycle

Being in a relationship with a narcissist can feel like an emotional rollercoaster, with each phase presenting new challenges and realizations. These phases of a narcissistic relationship leave you questioning your self-worth. Understanding these stages can help you navigate the ups and downs of a narcissistic relationship more effectively.

KEY POINTS

Narcissists may manipulate through observation and charm, creating a false sense of bonding.

These relationships have distinct phases, often involving a gradual, potentially traumatizing end.

Understanding these phases aids in healing and setting boundaries.

Up Next

10 Red Flags of a Vindictive Mother and How to Stay Strong

Red Flags of a Vindictive Mother and How to Stay Strong

So, who exactly is a โ€œvindictive motherโ€? Well, itโ€™s not just a mom whoโ€™s a little cranky or gives you the cold shoulder once in a while. Weโ€™re talking about those mothers who holds grudges, plays mind games, and never hesitates to make your life harder. Why? Because she can.

A vindictive mother is a malicious mother, who isnโ€™t your regular parentโ€”she is controlling, manipulative, and, at times, straight out cruel.

Do you feel like you have to walk on eggshells around her? If you answered yes, then chances are you have vindictive narcissist mother. So today we are going to explore what the signs of a toxic mum are and what you can do to handle her.

Related:

Up Next

Feeling Exhausted? 8 Signs of an Emotionally Draining Person to Look Out For

Signs of an Emotionally Draining Person to Look Out For

Have you ever hung out with someone and have left feeling like you just ran a 5k marathon without moving an inch? If you’re nodding along, this is just one of the many signs of an emotionally draining person.

These energy vampires are really talented when it comes to mentally exhausting you, even though you didn’t do anything but have a simple conversation.

Have there been times where you have felt completely wiped after a chat or hangout? Then maybe itโ€™s time to figure out if youโ€™re dealing with an emotionally draining person.

Today, we are going to talk about what is an emotionally draining person, the traits of an emotionally draining person and how to deal with an emotionally draining person.

Let’s start with what is an emotionally draining