Here is your guide on how to build confidence and be confident in any situation.
Confidence is the deepest core desire of any man. It is the thing we yearn for above all else, whether we know it or not.
It’s the drive hidden behind all of our conventional desires. We seek the high-paying job, the romantic partner, the fit body, or the emotional and psychological healing, because we want to feel confident in ourselves.
We want to know our worth, and feel effective and respected in the world.
This is something that might come naturally to some. But for most of us, confidence has to be earned. Or, more accurately: Remembered. And it is 100% something you can do.
First, What Exactly Is Confidence?
What we call “confidence” can be described as a mix of worth, trust, and bandwidth.
When someone seems confident, what we really mean is that they seem sure of themselves. They carry an air of self-love and healthy assertiveness, which ultimately comes from knowing ones worth and value as a person, while also trusting oneself to perform in, and handle difficult situations.
What Sabotages Confidence?
When looking to (re)build confidence, it can help to know what might be getting in the way of you feeling it more often, as well as creating a better understanding of why we’re going to take the approach below.
I say “rebuild” or “remember,” because we were all confident at some point. But along the way, we developed beliefs or habits that tarnished our original sense of okay-ness.
The first major factor that brings us down is developing false beliefs. This happens when something, or someone (usually in our early childhood) might have made us feel like we weren’t important, valuable, or enough, or were bad, dumb, weak, or “not O.K.” as you were, in some way.
Instead of this feeling going away, and you resetting to move on with your life, this idea of “I’m not enough/good/loveable” moves to the back of your brain, and filters into everything you experience. It diminishes your sense of worth and natural ability to assert yourself, and plants seeds of doubt in our mind.
Then, as you grow up, you don’t feel naturally confident because embedded in your fundamental model reality, there’s a belief that “I’m defective and unlovable” in some way.
This becomes a shameful core that you are afraid people will see, and so you feel like you have to cover up your flaws all the time. The worst part about this is that you don’t even know you’re doing it. You just feel anxious and less valuable, attractive, or important than others.
The next most common reason to lose confidence is not respecting yourself.
If you’re not proud of who you are, and how you behave, then it’s a long shot that you’ll ever feel confident.
There is an aspect of respecting yourself that doesn’t require accomplishing more or doing anything at all. It’s about loving yourself exactly the way you are and realizing that you’re a fundamentally good person. This is connecting to your inherent worth as a human being.
But then there’s the brass tacks of how you actually conduct yourself in the world.
Are you moving forward toward goals and healthier habits? Do you take care of your body? Do you sit around eating junk food, masturbating daily, avoiding social contact, and complaining like a victim about your life?
Then, it’s hard to feel confident, or like you’re reliable, when you’re not being trustworthy – both to others and yourself.