6 Warning Signs Of An Emotional Affair

warning signs of an emotional affair 1

Is an affair, all about touching someoneโ€™s skin, or letting someone else touch your heart too? When you are in a committed relationship, you are expected to stay loyal not just from a physical and sexual standpoint, you are expected to do the same emotionally too. But what does an emotional affair mean and what does it look like?




In at least one of my romantic relationships, I fell into the trap of engaging in affairs. The problem (Aside from one extremely dumb incident of physical cheating I much regret), was not touching someone elseโ€™s skin.

The issue I found emerging was allowing someone else to touch my heart.



One truth thatโ€™s not so self-evident is that not all affairs are created equal. In fact, I find I can draw clear lines between the affairs of the heart and those of the flesh. They can be separate, they can be one and the same, but they are both equally damning.

Related: 5 Seemingly Innocent Signs Of An Emotional Affair

I often struggle with the idea of commitment. and to a point, I never understood the concept of monogamy. In fact, sometimes I still donโ€™t. The idea of commitment and settling down with one personโ€”forever, or even for a long, long timeโ€”scares me.




Permanency, aside from my tattoos, is much lacking across most of my lifeโ€”from where Iโ€™ve lived to the relationships Iโ€™ve been inโ€”and out of. But despite my hesitation to embrace commitment on an intellectual level, I know first-hand how dreadful affairs can be, because I have been both betrayers and betrayed.

โ€œHuman nature is such that monogamy is a really hard thing to achieve.โ€ โ€“ Sienna Miller

We know what a physical affair is, making it easy to identify when someone is โ€œcheating.โ€ In most monogamous relationships, displays of physical affection or sexual relations with someone other than are your partner are proof that youโ€™re having an affair. The standard can vary depending on the couple, but affectionate physical and any type of sexual contact with anyone other than your partner gets labeled as cheating.

But what about emotional affection and emotional intimacy? This is where it becomes more difficult and often confusing. Emotional attachments are murky and gray and are not as clear-cut as one single action. When considering emotional affairs, I know I am not covering all the behaviors, but these are the six main warning signs I saw in my experience on both sides of the equation.

The 6 Main Warning Signs Of An Emotional Affair

1. Looking To Someone Else For Attention And Validation.

If you are in a relationship you shouldnโ€™t need, or want, another person to validate your emotional needs at an intimate level. The keyword there is intimate. I love my friends, and I have great friends of both sexes, but the support they provide for me is different than the support my partner provides. Even when interacting with my female friends, these connections are not crossing the line of validation or providing me the attention I should be receiving from my partner.




If you are in a relationship, you shouldnโ€™t need to turn to someone besides your partner, especially someone attractive to you, as a means of feeling validation. You shouldnโ€™t need to feel beautiful/important/significant only because someone else tells you that you. Even if your relationship is struggling, this isnโ€™t a sign to begin finding attention elsewhere.

It is a sign of needing to fix things instead of opening up to others or a sign to move on. Lacking emotional validation in your current relationship is not an excuse to find it elsewhere. Relying on another for the validation your partner once gave you is a slippery spiral.

2. Hiding Relationships From Your Partner.

I do not believe couples should share all their communications with each other. I donโ€™t believe in reading your SOโ€™s text, emails, or messages. But, there should be lines of respect. If you have to hide your interactions with another because of what you are saying or doing during these interactions, that is when it crosses the line into the murky area.

If you have to hide from your partner the conversation you are having with another, whether it be deleting conversations for fear your partner would see them or hiding an entire period of hanging out, you may be havingโ€”or at least verging onโ€”an emotional affair.

โ€œIf a man, who says he loves you, wonโ€™t tell you the details of a private conversation between him and another woman you can be sure he is not protecting your heart. He is protecting himself and the women he has feelings for. Wise women simply see things as they are, not as their low self-esteem allows.โ€ โ€• Shannon L. Alder

I understand the need for privacy, and sometimes we say things to our friends in frustration or question our relationships. But even when we vent, we should be venting things we are willing, though perhaps reluctant, to say to our partner. If you have to hide your interactions with another, you have one of two reasons.

Either your relationship with your partner is unhealthy, or your relationship with the other person is unhealthy. Iโ€™m not saying you need to know everything your partner is saying or vice versa, but you shouldnโ€™t need to hide the interactions you are having with another.




Related: What Men Really Think Should Count As โ€˜Emotional Infidelityโ€™

3. Inappropriate Correspondence.

In emotional affairs, our words and hearts are where we see lines being crossed. For warnings, pay attention to your language with another potential romantic or relationship interest.

For emotional affairs, I would challenge the following types of correspondence.

1. Flirting.
2. Talking about missing someone on an intimate level.
3. Romanticizing ideas of what a relationship could look like.
4. Sharing information about your current relationship your partner would not want you to share (for example, talking about sexual frustrations).
5. Constantly tearing down your partner to another.

In situations of romantic affairs, it can certainly extend past these basic lines of communication, but these are a first of the few big dangerous conversations you would want to avoid having. As with many other aspects, it comes down to the idea of what type of interactions are you having with someone and would you be willing to have these interactions in front of your current partner?




4. Rekindling Old Romantic Relationship.

Rekindling past relationships is a huge no, and one that extends across a few of the other taboos. I do not believe it is bad to have a friendship with an ex. But you should be careful what this friendship resembles.

If you start to cross the lines of relying on your ex for emotional intimacy, or if you start treating them like a partner again, these behaviors are not fair to your current partner. When you rely on someone you used to be intimate withโ€”whether physically or emotionallyโ€”for support, it is a sign you are cheating on an emotional level.

5. Having Feelings For Someone.

If you find yourself admitting you have feelings for someone, chances are youโ€™re in serious danger of crossing the line into an emotional affair. And if you are pursuing a chance at those feelings, youโ€™ve crossed it. We cannot help that sometimes we find other people attractive. In life, we feel drawn to many people aside from our partners. This is normal. The question is: how do we act on those feelings.

There is a difference between feeling you are connected to someone on a deeper level and letting this connection develop. Think of it this way: in the world of romance we are like ships at sea. You are going to see many lighthouses, but in monogamy, you only rely on one to guide you. If you start relying on multiple lighthouses, you are going to find yourself torn.

It isnโ€™t noticing someone else might be emotionally compatible. It is starting to make yourself open to this person. It is okay to see the spark, but donโ€™t chase that flame.

โ€œYou didnโ€™t just cheat on me; you cheated on us. You didnโ€™t just break my heart; you broke our future.โ€ โ€” Steve Maraboli



Related: How to Recognize the Signs of Emotional Infidelity

6. Reciprocation.

In all of these situations, there is a degree of reciprocation. You cannot control what another person is doing. If someone is constantly flirting with you or attempting to bring up a relationship with you, this is one thing. The real danger arises when you reciprocate.

If someone were to kiss you without your permission, that is a form of assault. If someone is going to make emotional advances on you, letโ€™s say an ex who is pining away or a person you were friendly with but with whom you donโ€™t feel a connection, thatโ€™s is not an affair.

An affair features both reciprocation and repetition. It is when you start to show these feelings of attention back when you start to encourage and welcome them, and most of all when you initiate them, that the emotional affair erupts into full bloom.

The Litmus Test

Here is my litmus test for whether or not you are engaging in an emotional affair. For me, it is a simple way of how I determine what my interactions should look like when I am in a romantic relationship, and I am building interpersonal relationships with others.

Would I be comfortable engaging in this behavior if my partner were watching?


It is that simple. If my partner were next to me, would I feel comfortable saying the things I was saying? Would I be comfortable with them knowing what I was talking about? Would I be comfortable with them watching my interaction with another person?

If we give someone the privilege of touching our hearts, we should be careful about opening that door to others.

If you are in an emotionally unsatisfying relationship, it is definitely difficult to be with that person for a long time. In such a scenario, if you find someone who is speaking to your emotional side and is understanding you perfectly on an emotional level, then you should be with that person.

However, if you are with someone who is doing everything possible to make you the happiest person in this world, then cheating on them is not the right way to treat them. Cheating does not always involve kissing or having sex; sometimes it is much more than that.



Emotional affairs extend beyond simple friendship. They reach the point where you know you would be uncomfortable doing this behavior in front of a partner or if they were doing this with another person.

Related: 17 Heartbreaking Reasons Why People End Up In Emotional Affairs

Harboring feelings about your partner and not telling them is a dangerous thing. From frustrations to complaints, you should be willing to talk to your partner. It is not always the prettiest, but it does help you grow. The best relationships I know are the open ones. When we start hiding our relationships with others from our partners, especially with people we begin forming an emotional connection to, we are crossing into the gray area of an emotional affair.

If you give someone the privilege of touching our hearts, you should be careful about opening that door to others. Just take a moment, and think about whether youโ€™d like your partner to open that door to someone other than you.


Written by Tim Mousseau
Originally appeared in The Goodmen Project
6 Warning Signs Of An Emotional Affair
6 Warning Signs Of An Emotional Affair
warning signs of an emotional affair pin


— Share —

Published On:

Last updated on:

,

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Romance, Roast And Giggles: 50+ Best Relationship Jokes

Best Relationship Jokes That Prove Love is Hilarious!

Love is a rollercoaster, and when you have an arsenal of the best relationship jokes, it makes the ride even more fun! Be it a new romance, a long-term relationship, or you simply just adore some corny love jokes, these hilarious couple jokes will have you cracking up.

From dating disasters to hilarious marriage moments, relationships come with plenty of comedy material. Because letโ€™s be honestโ€”love isnโ€™t always candlelit dinners and sweet texts. Sometimes, itโ€™s forgetting anniversaries, stealing blankets, and arguing over where to eat.

So, hold on to your partner right, and enjoy these funny jokes about love!

Up Next

Break Up On Valentines Day? 16 Self-Care Tips When You’ve Been Un-Valentined

Break Up On Valentines Day? Self-Care Tips When You've Been Un-Valentined

The ultimate love fest is around the corner. For some, it’s the best day of the year, but for others, it’s when things fall apart. If youโ€™ve had a break up on valentines day or before, weโ€™ll give you some tips on how to mend your broken heart.

A breakup on the big day or before it, can feel like your entire world is falling apart and to be honest, itโ€™s the loneliest feeling ever because every tv commercial and nook and corner is filled with couples or about love.

So, we’ve got your back with a roadmap for handling break up on Valentine’s day and even thriving after. But before that let me tell you that this situation is not something youโ€™ll face alone, there are many more people whoโ€™ve got their heart broken as wellโ€ฆ

You’re Not

Up Next

7 Best On-Screen Couples Ranked by How Likely They Are to Stay Together

Best On-Screen Couples Ranked: Which Pair Will Last Forever?

Love on screen is pure magic. The stolen glances, the grand gestures, the dramatic reunions in the pouring rainโ€”itโ€™s the kind of romance that makes our hearts race and our eyes misty. But letโ€™s be honest, not all of these couples would actually last if they had to deal with, you know, real life. Bills? Stress? That annoying habit of leaving wet towels on the bed? Some of them would crumble faster than a rom-com breakup montage.

Thatโ€™s why weโ€™re taking a closer look at the best on-screen couples ranked โ€”but not just by chemistry or cuteness. No, no. Weโ€™re going deeper. Who would actually survive the test of time? Who would fight over the thermostat and call it quits? And who would grow old together, still making each other laugh after all these years?

Some love stories are built to last. Others? Wellโ€ฆ letโ€™s just say they be

Up Next

40+ Funny Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend That Will Leave Him Cracking Up

Funny Questions to Ask Your Boyfriend That'll Crack Him Up

If you want to keep the spark alive in your relationship, and fill your conversations with humor and laughter, then you have come to the right place. Today, we are going to do a deep dive into some of the best and funny questions to ask your boyfriend.

Whether youโ€™re looking for funny questions to ask your partner during a road trip, a lazy Sunday, or just to break the ice, a little humor goes a long way. After all, who doesnโ€™t love a good laugh?

If you want to tease his goofy side, and get him to wrack his mind in ridiculously funny ways, then this list of questions will surely do the trick.

When it comes to funny questions to ask your partner to make him laugh, this is one of the sneaky ways to also get to know him better – his

Up Next

What Really Predicts Relationship Satisfaction?

Relationship Satisfaction Important Things To Know

Does good communication truly determine relationship satisfaction, or are there deeper factors at play? Letโ€™s explore the truth behind long-term happiness between partners.

The paradox of communication.

Key points

Timing and context matter as much as communication itself.

Simply improving communication might not be enough.

Mutual goals strengthen relationship satisfaction.

Up Next

Is the Romance Gone? What to Do When Your Partner Feels Like a Roommate

Does Your Partner Feels Like a Roommate? Hereโ€™s How to Fix It

When your partner feels like a roommate, the spark can start to fizzle, leaving the relationship stuck in autopilot. But donโ€™t worryโ€”there are plenty of ways to deal with emotional distance and bring back the excitement.

KEY POINTS

When partners feel like roommates, it’s a sign of a pattern of mutual emotional withdrawal.

Instead of leaning on each other, partners have been going to their separate corners, being hyper-independent.

To break this pattern, partners need to learn to take emotional risks: sharing their feelings and needs.

Withdrawing behavior is

Up Next

Which Romance Trope Are You Based on Your Zodiac Sign?

Which Romance Trope Are You? Zodiac Romantic Love Tropes

Valentineโ€™s Day 2025 will soon be here, so have you wondered which romance trope are you like? Your zodiac sign might lead you to your perfect love story. Letโ€™s explore!

Maybe youโ€™re a passionate love, or perhaps a slow burn that evolves into something beautiful over time? Each zodiac sign has its own set of traits that align with some of the most beloved romance tropes.

From forbidden attraction, or the classic โ€œopposites attractโ€, thereโ€™s a love story that mirrors your zodiac essence. So, what romance trope are you? Letโ€™s dive into the stars and see the zodiac signs as romance tropes!

Read More Here: