Why Trust In A Relationship Is More Important Than Love
“I trust you is a better compliment than I love you because you may not always trust the person you love but you can always love the person you trust.” – Anonymous
Love feels great. Entering a new romantic relationship can feel truly amazing with exciting dates filled with laughter, long walks at late nights, curling up together on the couch to watch horror movies and those passionate kisses. But what doesn’t feel great is being in a relationship without trust. When the love and excitement are replaced with doubt and fear, that’s when things start to turn ugly. And this is why trust in a relationship is sometimes more important than love.
The fact is we all have baggage and whether willingly or not, we bring that baggage into our relationships. Whether you’re dealing with childhood trauma or trying to overcome infidelity in your previous relationship, our past always affects our relationships in one way or the other. That’s why trust forms the core of any relationship. Trust is crucial for relationship success and satisfaction. However, trust is also fragile. Once it breaks, it can be really really hard to rebuild it in a relationship.
What do you mean by trust?
“Trust is letting go of needing to know all the details before you open your heart.” – Anonymous
Trust in a relationship means you believe that your partner is reliable and has your best interests in their hearts. It means you have faith and confidence in them. And you feel emotionally and physically safe with them, just as they do with you. It means you expect respect, integrity, loyalty, and honesty in your relationship. You expect your partner to keep promises and secrets, and to support you when the tides get rough.
However, trust also means that you understand your partner and forgive them when they break promises and agreements. You cannot have trust in a relationship if one partner is willing while the other one is unwilling.
In a healthy relationship, both partners will express their trust in different ways, like:
- Being compassionate
- Having faith in them regardless of who they spend time with
- Being considerate of their need
- Listening, understanding and supporting them
- Not dominating or controlling their partner
- Being considerate and caring
- Doing what they said they would
- Believing that your partner knows what’s best for them
- Trying to resolve conflicts in a mature and healthy manner
- Respecting personal boundaries
- Being respectful towards their partner
- Feeling safe and making them feel safe
- Relying on your partner without being dependant
- Focusing on building a deep connection
- Being reliable and available when they need you
- Respecting their boundaries
- Not doubting or checking up on them frequently
- Giving them the freedom to live life their own way
Trusting each other gives you the freedom to be your genuine self in the relationship. You and your partner can build trust in your relationship gradually and naturally by loving and caring for each other. However, you cannot force someone to trust you nor you demand it. It will take time to develop trust in your relationship.
Is trust more important than love?
“We’re never so vulnerable than when we trust someone – but paradoxically, if we cannot trust, neither can we find love or joy.” – Walter Anderson
Although you might be keen on saying that love is the most important part of a relationship, I would say that it is trust that is most important in any relationship, romantic or otherwise. Take a moment to truly think about it. Imagine a relationship without trust – you and your spouse/partner love each other a lot, however, you don’t necessarily trust them. Now when they tell you they will be going for a business trip over the weekend, how would you feel? Would you feel that they are working hard to give you a good life? Or would you think that they are having an affair with someone from work? Most likely you would think that your partner is cheating on you. You will lose your peace of mind. You will start doubting them. You will keep checking their laptops and phone. You will try to track them. You will ask them a lot of questions. You will have arguments and fights. And this will lead to the probable end of the relationship. Love without trust doesn’t look that good. Does it?
A relationship can easily turn into a nightmare if there’s no trust in it. Your relationship will gradually become unhealthy, dysfunctional, chaotic and toxic. And that is a recipe for disaster. Trust is crucial for your relationship to thrive. Trust is essential to love and feel loved.
Did you know that lack of trust is the reason why most people end their relationships? The Relationships Surveys Indicators 2011 claims that among the top 4 causes of relationship breakdowns, lack of trust is the most common. Trust is the foundation on which your relationship survives the toughest seasons of life. A relationship without trust will never sustain for a long time, regardless of how much you love each other.
Why trust drives a relationship more than love
“Trust is built when someone is vulnerable and not taken advantage of.” – Bob Vanourek
In case you’re still wondering, here 11 solid reasons why trust is important and the driving factor in a healthy relationship:
1. Trust & love go hand in hand
If you knew that a person would definitely cheat on you, would you still choose to love them? No. you won’t. No one wants to get their heart broken deliberately. As rational human beings, we can only love people we trust. It is the building block of a relationship. Love is born out of trust. You still may be attracted to that person, but you can’t love them. A relationship that is not based on trust will never survive the test of time.