True love. True relationships.
When I left an abusive relationship I was a young, single mother. With BIG hair! (It was the 80s!)
I thought it was too late for me to ever find love again.
When will I find love? Will I ever find love?
True love. Long love. Love that lasts.
The man I’d one day put my comfy slippers on and grow old with. Who’d be my companion and partner in crime?
First I had to be still within myself, recover and heal. Build my self-esteem first before I considered dating again.
Dating when insecure, dating too soon would only attract the wrong type of partner. I had to be whole within myself first.
If you’re wondering yourself:
Will I ever find love? Does true love even exist?
Yes, it does.
Yes, you can and you will. But, find and heal yourself first.
Finding True Love
When I wasn’t even looking, true love, found me in the form of this man!
We’ve recently celebrated our 30th Wedding anniversary. We’ve had a happy married life.
He’s my true love.
Friends and colleagues have often observed us together and said:
You’re so lucky! He’s such a good man.
I hear that a lot.
I know how lucky I am. The man I married before him almost killed me.
That amplifies his kindness all the more. Our relationship is nothing like that toxic one I had in the past.
This is true love. True relationships are hard to find.
Signs of True Love
1. You trust each other
Nothing is hidden. You can be honest with each other.
Vulnerable without fear. Have total trust that if you reveal your weaknesses and flaws, they won’t use it as a weapon against you later.
The more vulnerability you share, the greater the trust between you.
This is how you forge a true connection. Longtime love grows.
2. Your happiness doesn’t depend on each other
When I was in an abusive relationship my happiness depended on my ex’s moods and behavior.
My highs were euphoric when he told me he loved me, my lows were deep when he abused me.
I had low self-esteem.
Abusive relationships are codependent ones.
Two insecure people who are both looking to the other to make them happy.
This is not a recipe for true love. A love that lasts.
When your happiness depends on others you are hostage to external fortune. Your life feels out of your control.
Only when I filled that void of not feeling worthy could I find someone who treated me as such.
I had to love myself first, find happiness within.
Unless I did I would go on to repeat the pattern. Find me in another dysfunctional, unhealthy relationship.
Two adults can have a healthy relationship.
But, only when they are healthy and whole within themselves.
They have a strong self-esteem and sense of self-worth. Their happiness does not depend on the other.
They are complete as individuals and happy if they’re alone. Finding each other is a bonus. The icing on the cake.
Together they’re even stronger than the sum of their parts.
3. You can let each other go
You don’t play games. You don’t need to. There is no need to control.
As you are secure within yourselves first, you don’t feel threatened to let each other go. You don’t fear they’ll abandon you.
There’s no jealousy, as you have complete trust. You can love each other unconditionally.
You’re not afraid to let each other go. To live your life and let them live theirs the way they choose and makes them happiest.
My husband and I have a lot in common: our core values, dreams, and goals. But we’re also different.
I love that he has his boy time, cycling and training with other guys for the extreme sporting events he loves.