5 Things To Do If You Suspect Your Spouse Is Cheating

Things Suspect Spouse Cheating

Ok, so you have a hunch and you suspect your spouse is cheating. Or perhaps someone has told you something that has led you to believe that it might be true.

Either way, you suspect your spouse is cheating and you are probably devastated and scared and feeling lost and shocked and angry and more. Your emotions are all over the place and you most likely aren’t thinking clearly.

I am guessing you could use some help, so here I am. I will share with you 5 things to do if you suspect your spouse is cheating so that you can move forward in a healthy way.

Here Are 5 Things To Do If You Suspect Your Spouse Is Cheating

1. Consider the source.

If someone has told you that they suspect that your spouse is cheating, for whatever reason, consider the source.

Is the person sharing this info someone you love and trust or is it someone who might have an agenda?

The difference here is important to know – one of those people is looking out for you and one of those people might be looking out for themselves. So, if they are the second kind of person, listen to what they say with a grain of salt!

On the other hand, if you suspect that your spouse is cheating because your gut is telling you so, think carefully. Is your gut usually right in these instances or are you someone who goes to that worst place easily? Do you have trust issues from past relationships? Does your gut have any real reason to go to that place or is it just a natural inclination of yours?

Whether it’s another person or your gut that is telling you that your spouse is cheating, it’s important to pay attention to that source and make sure their intentions are good and based on some truth.

Related: 17 Heartbreaking Reasons Why People End Up In Emotional Affairs

2. Don’t snoop.

I know right now you are DYING to snoop. You have suspicions and you need to find out everything that you can to confirm.


I have a client who believed that her husband was having an affair and she snooped. She went onto his email and his phone and his Instagram and his Messenger. And there she found evidence that he was, in fact, having an affair.

What she also found in her snooping was way more information than she needed. She learned about specific things they did, read the words they said to each other, read unkind things the other woman said about her, and more. It was awful.

‘I wish I hadn’t snooped,” she said. ‘I can’t unsee what I saw and it’s making it really hard for me to work through it.’

If you suspect your spouse is cheating, I would highly recommend that you don’t snoop but you face the situation head-on. What you might find might be more than you can handle. I know it was for my client.

3. Ask them directly.

This piece of what to do if you suspect your spouse is cheating is very important. It is very important that you sit down across from your person, look them in the eye and tell them what you know/think. Try to do it calmly and watch their expression carefully.

It would take an amazing actor to be able to deny an affair when their spouse puts it so calmly and clearly. And that is why you want to be looking them in the face – so that you can read their reaction because it might just be a fleeting one. For just a few seconds their guilt will be written across their face.

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Mitzi Bockmann

I am a NYC based Certified Life Coach and mental health advocate. My writing has been published on The Huffington Post, Prevention, Psych Central, Pop Sugar, MSN and The Good Man Project, among others. I work with all kinds of people to help them go from depressed and overwhelmed to confident and happy in their relationships and in their world.View Author posts