The Actions Now
But we CAN build for ourselves now. That’s the beauty of being an adult. So stop. Inhale. Exhale. Deeply. And recognize that much as we may love our parents, they are, ultimately, just like us.
Flawed and prone to terrible mistakes. The worst one of which was not loving us the way we wanted and so desperately needed. Again, there’s a spectrum.
The odd spank, the harsh word, the denied request, or the scolding… these can be forgotten.
But if one, or both, of our parents, put their needs before yours, were critical in the extreme, neglectful of our desires and talents, violent or otherwise abusive… then we are left feeling all those awful feelings we described in the beginning.
And that is no way to live life.
Changing your pain to peace will be a life-long process, especially if there were narcissistic influences within the family set-up.
And a little soul-searching will help you see that there is no reason to tolerate abuse just because it comes from family members.
One of the worst things to happen to society everywhere is the assumption that family should be loved just because they are family.
This is a complete fallacy for simple rules of decent human conduct that would mean they need to earn our love and respect, just like everyone else has to, and vice-versa.
So! Take stock and acknowledge the child within.
He or she is begging to be heard over the thunder of childhood abuse and neglect. Take responsibility and give that child the help he or she deserves.
Be it talking your experiences through with a spouse, or a friend, or a therapist… even your parents if you think they will listen and hear you out.
Though in most cases of severe neglect it is unlikely that the parent will have the self-awareness to offer closure to a child, and that just opens the wound further; so sometimes walking away bravely may be your only option.
But closure can happen, and resolution will be found, but the first step is acknowledging the root of your hurt, and the sadness in your soul – that those who were charged with your care and emotional well-being failed you in a very significant way.
The realization will help you understand that even if you can’t change the history of your inner child, you can do a lot for the future adult and you can truly make the sadness in your soul a thing of the past.