8 Ways Reparenting Yourself Can Help Heal Your Inner Child

Quite recently I was reading up on inner child work and across the many Googling sessions, over one, I found a quote by the famous American TV personality Fred Rogers :

“The child is in me still and sometimes not so still.”

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As might be your guess already, I was taken in by the use of the word “still” – to mean something that continues to “be” and also to mean the two-sided sense of rest and restlessness.

Personally, I spent a good chunk of my 20s, looking squarely at patterns and attitudes that I may have inherited from my family of origin. Some contemplations brought me relief and some plunged me into depths of despair. Some of it I was fortunate to work through in therapy and some of it stayed with me, glued even when I wanted to shake it all off.

Mostly the state of being where I felt that my identity was steeped in my wounds, that I needed someone else to hand-hold me through the process.

You’d be absolutely right to think that the psychotherapeutic principles of reparenting are helpful.

Some people undergo total regression, a derivative from transactional analysis, and find relief. Then there’s spot reparenting and time-limited reparenting, each of which in some form revolves around the therapist assuming the role of the “ideal parent”.

Transactional Analysis

I learnt through the process of Transactional Analysis that we have three sides or ‘ego-states’ to our ‘personality (Parent, Adult and Child), and that these ego states converse with one another in ‘transactions’ both internally and externally with other people (hence the name).

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This helped me gain an insight into my inner world  and the mechanisms of its functions.

 The elements of the Transactional Analysis

This enables the client’s child ego state to be healed, as the client engages with their therapist. The subtle role modelling also allows the client’s parental ego state to absorb new information and new behavior.

In my own therapeutic journey, I did undergo a phase of such reparenting, taking cues and hints and constantly checking in with my own process of unfolding.

The exemplification made it possible for me to believe there are other ways of handling conflict, abuse and powerlessness. However, self-reparenting is what finally came to my aid, as I saw my own struggle to emerge from past hurts.


“Why self-reparenting?” you may ask.

Well, here’s how my healing process progressed because of self-reparenting.


Once I had seen in therapy what it meant to open up from my own place of truth, be heard and be received unconditionally, I saw how my “inner parent” had to become more self-sufficient.

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Sunanda Patihttps://gaiacomestothecity.blogspot.com/
Sunanda Pati is a certified expressive arts therapist and facilitator and a freelance creative writer. Having developed an early interest in psychology and later various forms of bodywork, she has actively worked in knowing her own inner world and processing various traumas. She believes every person is blessed with an endless reserve of inspiration, courage and wisdom. Sunanda lives, writes, practices and facilitates in Bangalore, India. More of her writings can be found at : http://gaiacomestothecity.blogspot.com. She also runs an expressive arts initiative of the same name (Gaia Comes to the City), which can be found on Facebook.
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