Skip to content

Even Your Soulmate Will Cause Relationship Problems

Even Your Soulmate Will Cause Relationship Problems

Soulmate Relationship Problems: Anyone who finds themselves in a dysfunctional relationship will either try to make their soulmate “perfect” by changing them or try to change themselves to be the “perfect” partner.

Here’s the truth:

  • Every person is imperfect.
  • You can’t make a person change.
  • Therefore, you must love an imperfect person you can tolerate – or even appreciate.

With that said, whoever you choose to love, realize that you are also choosing to love a set of problems. There are no problem-free candidates.

Problems are a part of any relationship, and you will have some sort of problems no matter who you love.

For example:

Soulmate Relationship Problems
soulmate relationship problems

Lacey married Andrew, who tends to be a tad loud at parties. Lacey, who is shy, hates that.

But if Andrew had married Molly, he and Molly would have gotten into a fight before they even got to the party. That’s because Andrew is always late and Molly hates to be kept waiting. If someone is late, Molly feels taken for granted; something in her childhood made her sensitive about that. If Molly were to confront Andrew on being late, Andrew would have believed her complaining was an attempt to dominate him. That’s something he gets upset over rather quickly.

If Andrew had married Leah, they wouldn’t have even made it to the party, because they would be fighting about Andrew’s lack of help with the housework. This makes Leah feel abandoned, something that makes her stomach queasy. And Andrew would have seen Leah’s complaining as an attempt to dominate him.

Since we are never perfect and our soulmates are never perfect, our imperfections are bound to cause two types of problems: solvable problems and unsolvable problems.

Solvable conflicts can be as simple as setting up a relationship ritual such as a five-minute coffee chat to feel more emotionally connected. Solvable conflicts reach a resolution and rarely get brought up again.

The Soulmate Conflict

Meet John Gottman. He is the Muhammad Ali of relationships. During 40+ years of research on happily married couples, John was able to create a combo of techniques that produced a ridiculous 90% knockout rate in predicting whether couples would divorce within 10 years or not.

His heavyweight title showed that the happiest couples have persistent unresolved conflicts.

In each one of John’s books, he points out this: The idea that couples must resolve all their problems is a fairytale.

In fact, relationship conflict is natural and has functional, positive aspects. When we fight and argue, it teaches us how to love better, how to take a step back from the “problem” to understand our partners better. It teaches us how to work with change in our relationships as it evolves. It reminds us of why we choose our soulmate and allows us to renew our relationship over time.

The Never-ending Fight

According to John Gottman, couples disagree on unsolvable never-ending issues 69% of the time.

These perpetual conflicts are a byproduct of the fundamental differences between soulmates. Differences in personalities, needs, and expectations that are fundamental to their core definitions of self.

Despite how much we want the problems to go away, they never will.

The Emotionally Clogged Relationship

If couples cannot start talking about the unsolvable problem in a healthy way, the conflict may make the relationship emotionally clogged.  Unable to drain the tension between soulmates.

The topic of the conflict doesn’t matter in terms of knowing if the problem clogs the relationship or not. It can be about anything. To an outsider, it may seem like a very small issue, like not vacuuming the house. But within the relationship, it feels like a monster in the closet; too scary to open up.

When a relationship is clogged, partners feel rejected by their lover. They feel like they can’t get through like their soulmate doesn’t care or like to talk about the issue.

Ironically the more partners ignore the conflict, the more they have the same conversation over and over again. It’s like a dog chasing its own tail.  Over time soulmates become more and more entrenched in their positions and the friction between them grows. It may hit a point where there’s no possibility of compromise.

Conversations turn into the perfect storm – no shared humor, affection, or appreciation. Just winds and rains of frustration and hurt. If the storm lasts long enough, people start vilifying one another.

Their thoughts become negative. They turn against each other. They see each other as selfish.

All of this clogging eventually leads to a clog in trust.

Breaks in trust tend to push soulmate away from each other. It doesn’t take a couple’s therapist to realize that the likelihood of infidelity and divorce is directly proportional to how miserable the relationship is.

Talking about the issue is like taking a plunger to the toilet. It releases all of the built-up emotional tension. Despite the unpleasantness of the never-ending problem, lasting happy couples are able to talk about the issue with a lot of positive emotions – laughter, affection or even appreciation.

Lack of Safety = Lack of Communication

Often times these perpetual problems never get talked about because one or both partners never feel safe enough to bring it up. Sometimes it’s due to past experiences in our relationships (even childhood) and other times it’s due to partners feeling the neglected and lacking connection. This can prevent partners from being vulnerable enough to open up.

When a relationship achieves a certain level of safety and one soulmate clearly communicates that he or she wants to know about the underlying meaning of another partner’s position, the other partner can finally open up and talk about their feelings, dreams, and needs.

The goal is for each soulmate to understand the other’s dreams behind the position on the issue. For example, one partner may wish to save for traveling during retirement. The others may want to spend that money on an exotic trip now.

You can continue to talk about the same issues, occasionally improving the situation for a short time, but the problem will always re-emerge.

There is value to realizing that when choosing a long-term partner, you are choosing a set of problems you’ll be grappling with for the next ten, twenty, or even fifty years.

The whole goal should not be to solve every problem. It should be to work with each other in order to improve the relationship to the extent that you are left with a set of unsolvable problems that both your partner and you can learn to tolerate and even cherish.

You shouldn’t need to feel the need to change somebody or yourself in order to love them. Nor should you let some disagreements get in the way of a healthy, and otherwise happy relationship.

Soulmate Relationship Problems


This was originally published on Healthy Relationships with Kyle Benson
Want to get even closer to your soulmate? Take the Intimacy 5 Challenge

You May Also Like:

Common Relationship Problems: Never Ignore These 5 Problems In Your Relationship
3 Signs The Toxic People In Your Life Might Actually Be Adding to Your Relationship Problems
These 9 Enneagram Personality Types Can Predict Your Relationship Problems
7 Common Relationship Problems And Simple Ways To Fix Them

Soulmate Relationship Problems pin
soulmate relationship problems

Kyle Benson

I've had the privilege of working with men and women on a wide range of relationship issues. I've helped individuals:Leave toxic relationships to find a healthy relationship that makes them feel calm, grateful for the person in their life, and deeply valued by their partner Close the emotional distance between partners so they feel deeply connected to each otherResolve relationship conflict, leading the couple to become closer and more loving than they ever thought imaginable Remove sexual anxiety to create intensely passionate and longer-lasting sexUse problems in the relationship as catalysts to help individuals grow into their highest potential (and become more awesome lovers)Our coaching sessions are tailored towards reaching solutions that improve your relationship quickly. Read more about my coaching programmes here, Relationship Coaching or Email me at Kyle@kylebenson.netView Author posts

5 thoughts on “Even Your Soulmate Will Cause Relationship Problems”

Leave a Reply

Up Next

What Men Really Want From You: 5 Laws Of Attraction

What Men Really Want From You

When it comes to thinking about what men look for in women, we are quick to assume that their needs and desires must surely revolve around physical appearance. But is that the only thing men care about? Do we actually know what men really want from women?

Watch the video as I share my first-hand insights into what men really want from you. Then read on below for the five laws of attraction.

So, as I said in the video, what men really want from you has little to do with your waist-hip ratio, your looks, or even what underwear you’re wearing. Here are the five laws of attraction that will help you create a deep connection with your guy.

What Men Really Want From You: 5 Laws Of Attraction

What Men Really Want From Y

Up Next

Successful Women Dating: What Is It Like Dating A Successful Woman: Some Myths and Realities

Successful Women Dating

There's this perception that men tend to have a hard time dating and being in a relationship with successful women. What is the real truth about this? Do successful women dating issues a myth or reality?

Do Smart Men Really Marry Down?

About 14 years ago, the psyches of successful single women were singed with worry when journalist John Schwartz wrote a New York Times article titled “Glass Ceiling at Altar as Well as Bedroom.” He claimed that “men would rather marry their secretaries than their bosses.”

The following year, Maureen Dowd followed with another Times column (and a book, Are Men Necessary?), agreeing with Schwartz. The authors’ clear thesis: Men prefer to marry down. Since then the media have continued with this narrative lending credence to the succ

Up Next

5 Things To Do When Your Ex Reaches Out To You

Things When Ex Reaches Out To You

When your ex reaches out to you out of the blue, it may be a confusing and unpleasant experience. Here are some of the things you can do to deal with them.

I know that it can feel really good when your ex reaches out. I mean, they left you behind and here they are, wanting to be in contact again.

But, I can tell you that, when your ex reaches out, there are so many opportunities for things to go bad, even if it feels great at first.

Perhaps they beg for you back, only to leave you. Perhaps you have sex with them, only to have them disappear again. Perhaps they make you promises that they don’t keep, just like last time.

And you are left, right back where you started: broken hearted!

Up Next

When Relationship Becomes Business: 5 Signs Of A Transactional Relationship

Signs Transactional Relationship

Are you in a transactional relationship? Transactional love is a form of romantic interest that results in a relationship of convenience. It can be considered like a business transaction where the focus is not on strengthening emotional connection, but on what one has to give and can receive from their partner. 

Let’s explore the meaning of transactional relationship to see if you are in one.

What is transactional relationship? 

To be honest, a transactional relationship sounds more like a business deal than a real relationship. It can be considered as a “business transaction” where two people enter a romantic relationship where one partner offers certain services or “gifts” and the other partner provides services in return. The

Up Next

Cold Hands And Warm Hearts: 30+ Winter Date Ideas To Heat Up Your Relationship

Winter Date Ideas

Looking for some cutesy winter date ideas that will make you and your boo feel warm and cozy? Look no further, we’ve got you covered.

Dating in summer is simple and easy. You can go for a movie, or a concert, or even for a walk on the beach. But when winter sets in, the choices become slimmer and you need to put on your thinking cap to find the perfect date idea… week after week. To make things worse, you need to add variety to your winter date ideas to keep things spicy. After all, how many times are you going to stay indoors and watch Netflix? 

Dating is crucial for our