The act of falling in love brings with itself a feeling of merging with our beloved.
“We feel like we and our beloved are one! All things seem possible! United with our beloved we feel we can conquer all obstacles. We believe that the strength of our love will cause the forces of opposition to bow down in submission and melt away into darkness. All problems will be overcome. The future will be all light. The unreality of these feelings when we have fallen in love is essential of the two-year-old who feels itself to be the king of the family and the world with power unlimited.
Just as reality intrudes upon the two-year-old’s fantasy of omnipotence so does reality intrude upon the fantastic unity of couple fallen in love.
Sooner or later, in response to the problems of daily living, individual will asserts itself. He wants to make love, she doesn’t. She wants to go to the movies, he doesn’t. He wants to put money in the bank, she wants a dishwasher. She wants to talk about a job; he wants to talk about his. She doesn’t like his friends, he doesn’t like hers.
So both of them, in the privacy of their hearts ,begin to have the sickening realization that they are not one with the beloved, that the beloved has and will continue to have his or her own desires, tastes, prejudices and timings different from the other’s.
One by one, gradually or suddenly, the ego boundaries snap back into place; gradually or suddenly, they fall out of love.
Once again they are two separate individuals. At this point they begin either to dissolve the ties of their relationship or to initiate the work of real loving.” – M.Scott Peck.
In any relationship, the initial feelings of attraction and euphoria are bound to pass. If we spend enough time with someone, we will gradually realize that we don’t agree on all points nor do we have all same preferences and choices or timings.
It is precisely at this point when we face the reality of falling out of attraction with someone, can we decide if we truly love this person.
True love requires effort and willingness to act in loving ways even if one does not feel like love –for the ultimate purpose of our, our partners (and our relationships ) growth.
Successful couples recognize the fact that relationships require effort and hard work and they are willing to work at it.
All couples go through some common problems and learning how to fix them in healthy ways can help us to enjoy a happy, fulfilling and long-lasting relationship.
Here are 7 of the most common issues and problems couples face in relationships along with simple solutions on how to fix them:
1) Lack of open and honest communication
Open and honest communication is the cornerstone of any healthy and happy relationship.
Sometimes, we assume that our partner will understand our needs and wants without even our expressing them but no one is really a psychic and they cannot get in to our head and understand our needs.
We need to communicate openly and honestly with our partner with maturity and calmness without being aggressive or condescending.
When we share a great bond of friendship with our partner, we can talk freely, authentically and without any masks and this will help us in dissolving all arguments cordially.
2) Constant Criticism and Nagging
We all are human beings and imperfect. We have flaws and make mistakes sometimes. It is important to accept and forgive your partners for few flaws they might have or mistakes that they may make sometimes.
Sometimes we chase perfection so much we constantly nitpick on the slightest flaws of our partners and criticize them endlessly.
While a little bit of honest and constructive criticism is required to encourage your partner to grow but constant nagging can cause you two to drift apart.
When we change our perspective and look at the great things that our partner does for us and appreciate them for who they are along with providing constructive feedback, it will greatly help them and the relationship to grow and prosper.
3) Running errands and chores
In most relationships, running errands and doing daily chores can lead to a lot of disputes, especially in this fast-paced life where both the partners are super busy and working long hours.
When one partner takes all the responsibility for the work and the other does not contribute at all, it can lead to breakdown and exhaustion of the one who does all the work and ultimately sabotages the relationship.
We can work towards creating a collaborative chore calendar where in we can distribute the work amongst each other with each one having a number of different chores so that one partner does not feel too exhausted or burdened.
4) Work-life balance
It is important to have a work life balance but sometimes we get so caught up in our work that we take our relationships for granted.
Sooner or later, we drift apart from our partners because we fail to spend quality time with them.
It is important to maintain a work life balance and spend quality time with our partners. It is not really the amount of time we spend with them but the quality. If we are spending even half an hour with them and listen to them attentively without any distractions that will be more fulfilling than spending unlimited hours with them without giving them the gift of our attention and presence.
5) Parenting decisions
Most often couples have disagreements around parenting decisions. One partner wants to have kids, the other one doesn’t and even if both of them want to have kids they may not necessarily agree on the timing.
It is important to communicate openly with your partner about your parenting choices. Communicate openly and provide sound reasons for your choices so that you can understand each other’s choices better.
Fidelity is another area where most problems crop up in relationships.
Everyone has a different definition of fidelity and what trust looks like in a relationship.
It is important to talk openly to your partner to understand what their definition of relationship and fidelity is, so that you two are on the same page.
The best thing to avoid cheating is to have open and honest communication with your partner.
It is said that more often than not, people don’t cheat because they want to but because they feel neglected, ignored or unfulfilled in their current relationships. Pay attention to your partner; show them your feelings and affection and communicate about what’s bothering you so that you can dissolve any feelings of unfulfillment before they escalate.
Money is another area which can add to strain in the relationships.
Both the partners may have different views about money or spending habits. Their lifestyles may also greatly differ landing them into constant fights about expenses.
Stop fighting and blaming each other as it will only cause more friction to crop in your relationship.
Instead, as responsible and mature adults, make a budget to cover your expenses.
Shop only with lists and avoid temptations of sales and splurging on unnecessary items.
When you have your finances back on track, you can reward yourself with little treats and vacations but do not indulge in a lot of debt for momentary happiness.
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