The start of a new relationship is arguably one of the best feelings in the world. Everything seems possible and you have that spring in your steps. You feel as if nothing can go wrong. And all this positivity and butterfly in your stomach feeling is enough for anyone to get dizzy and lose their calm. It is usually in this love induced high that we make some decisions which we might regret later.
One such decision is regarding intimacy and sex. Although there is no clear right or wrong time to have sex with the person you like, it does seem that being a bit cautious in the beginning may be better for your relationship later. This is not simply what older generation feels is the conventional thing to do. It has been proven correct by the experiences of many a millennials as well.
If you think you have potential with a person, hitting the sack too soon might be quite a dent in the future of that relationship.
Well, there can be quite a few reasons why you’d want to throw caution to the wind and just do it. Some of which might be –
– Being too caught up in the heat of the moment
– Thinking that the sexual chemistry also equals to a lot more
– Had been craving intimacy for a while
– Had sex just for the sake of validation or as a way to rebound after a bad breakup
– Had sex so as to use it as leverage
– Did it under peer pressure or maybe the guy made you feel so
– Started with a thought of a little fling which somehow changed into something deeper over time
– Thought of the situation as an exception
It is perfectly fine to have sex soon if you are sure that both of you are on the same page. However, usually doing this sends a wrong signal to guys and they might not get that you want a long-term relationship. Hollywood movies have glamorized one-night stands to such an extent that you feel like there is nothing better in the world. And that is how the way it should be, that one night will lead on to many more. Well, this rarely happens in real life. We all may know of an exception in our life. But that’s all they are, an exception from the rule.
On the other hand, if you feel like you’re one of the exceptions. You might want to wait a bit and think about it a little more clearly. When you presume you’re the exception, you are letting yourself in for a fall. However, if you instead think that you’ll be the general rule, firstly you won’t get disappointed and secondly if things do work out, you’d have a happy and well-deserved surprise.
When you don’t wait for enough and think, or rather hope that things will work out for the best, you are being naive. The guy might have simply been acting on his primal urges which you misinterpreted for something more because of your own hopes and dreams. And when you realize the difference you’ll be too desperate and might do things to make him stay which won’t be too good for your own self-esteem.
So is there any recourse to maintaining his interest and not having sex
If a man is being too pushy about having sex, saying yes to him would only make his interest go sooner as soon as he is satiated. Don’t think that of you gratify him physically he would somehow like you more. If he is only for instant contentment he will not think twice about it once it has happened. And he is no way obliged to do so if you gave your consent. However, if you want him to stay, try showing him what else does life have to offer. It doesn’t mean sex is off the table completely. It just means you do it when you are completely fine with it and not simply just to please him.
Try to learn a little more about each other
If you like him in the first impression, it’s a good idea to try and know a bit more about him. There are so many sides to a person. Try to figure out what his likes and dislikes are. What are his opinions on politics and the world around him? How he regards relationships and family and a little history regarding both? And be open to share all this information with him as well. This will not only help you get more close to him and this makes the intimate activity more comfortable and better. But it also gives you an idea how the ideologies of you two mingle or clash. And for the long term that is very important information to have indeed.
As mentioned before there is no ‘one right time’ to sleep with a guy for the first time. But here are a few possible contenders-
– Both of you connect on many things they make you feel good about who you are
– There is mutual likeness as well as respect
– They are true to their word
– They are treating this as an exclusive situation
– They are not still hung up on any old flame
– Both of you agree on the kind of relationship you want
– You can imagine yourself being in a long-term relationship with them
– sex feels like the logical next step
– You know that you won’t regret having sex with them
It is always better to have sex with someone when you know you two are compatible. Even more so when you feel you want something more than a casual fling with this person. And if they are worthy of your attention and love, and looking for the same thing as you, they will not have any problem in delaying the physical aspects of the relationship for a little while.
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