Love has no limit, no shape and no condition. If we could understand this, we wouldn’t have the need to buy chocolate ice-cream and watch sad love movies while we sit wallowing in self-pity.
The most fatal relationship killer goes by the name, attachment. This nasty little thing disguises its self as love at first and later becomes jealous and needy.
You see, attachment is also known as co-dependency, it makes us believe we cannot live without the person we love. And this puts both them and us in a dangerous cage. When being so deeply “in love” we forget about the importance of ourselves and our needs because the sensation of pleasing our loved ones feels so good.
When we love unconditionally, the pains of attachment can’t affect us. Loving unconditionally is the acceptance of all that is. When we can’t accept someone for everything they are we start to try and change them and we convince ourselves that we know best. This is often the start of toxic relationships.
Keeping pure love from turning into attachment isn’t easy, but here are 3 of the best kept secrets to realizing before it’s too late, with one extra – to conclude it all.
1. Ask yourself what you felt the first few days after meeting your loved one.
If you can’t remember those feelings and only memories and experiences, or that person comes up. It should be seen as a red flag.
When we first experience being “in love” with that person, we have a huge sense of freedom and happiness. Our senses become heightened and our awareness of the world is met with appreciation, everything is “just right”. It’s important to remember what and how you felt without that person being right there, with you, in the physical. It’s important to try remember how being in love enhanced your appreciation for life, with the mere thought of that special person in mind.
2. Love is everlasting, unmeasurable.
When we truly love someone it should know no boundary. We should be able to love someone so whole heartedly that just the thought of them should satisfy us.
When we become attached to someone we crave their being near to us all the time. We crave them and forget about the gift of solitude. Simply knowing where they are is not enough. And this is dangerous.
Once we learn and accept that love has no end and can be felt between worlds, and over oceans, we will then grasp the importance of allowing such freedom and space. Not only for our loved one, but for ourselves.
3. Unconditional love is the definition of the acceptance of imperfection
Unconditional love understands that nothing is perfect, yet that imperfection is perfection. Attachment is super critical, judgmental, controlling and serious. If you ever find yourself making decisions for your loved one and or find yourself lecturing them on changing or not meeting your expectations you are or are on the road to suffering.
Unconditional love for another never allows us to go down the road to attachment. It loves all that is, even that weird little toe or skew tooth.
It absolutely loves the sleep marks in the morning and the smell of breakfast, the sound of birds and the way they deal with their issues, the way they cry or the way they go absolutely nuts when something doesn’t go their way, unconditional love is patient and , kind and compassionate in all life’s areas.
It gives space and holds space. It loves all that is, all that shall be and all that ever will be.
The last secret is the most important – And should never be forgotten.
This can not be learned, when you find the right one, you BOTH will feel like this and you will know the difference. I am 56 years old and only finding it now. There is a saying “you will find it when you are not looking” True and “you will know it when it happens” True also. SO stop looking enjoy other parts of your life and when it happens you will know.
Please don’t post things that say “how to tell when you’re in trouble” and then not post “here’s how to fix it”. We know we have problems, That’s why we’re reading this post.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_KAu0yOzymg
Attachment is necessary for healthy autonomic nervous development. Look up feral child for a worst case scenario.
Anne E. Albores
Aray natatamaan na naman ako
cant help getting attached 🙁
Its normal. Tao lang tayo.
Megan Amber Connolly
Attachment is actually a control system used by child-like people. Controlling people are people who are deprived of attention during their formative years in their childhood. They are product of a cold parents. The child are left unattended of their emotional needs until they grow up to be controlling according to studies presented by psychoanalysts.
Although I can agree that they are childlike, having had personal experience with such people, it isn’t always “cold parents” to blame. Some of the most loving parents can have children with narcissistic personality disorder. I feel it stems more from lack of or loss of self confidence and unacquired leadership skills (that create true independent living).
Hi may I ask how can you help a person with that kind of behavior. Thanks
Brilliant insight !!
You cant water someone else’s garden before you water your own!
Loving yourself and having individual solitude avoids co-dependancy
Lovely ♡♡