Female-led relationships (FLR) are becoming increasingly popular these days among millennials and Gen Z. In a female led relationship, the female partner takes charge of the relationship, plays the role of the dominant partner and calls the shots in the relationship. Sounds intriguing? Let’s find out if you are in an FLR by learning about female led relationship signs.
What is a female led relationship?
Relationships are complex and unique. In most relationships, each partner plays a dominant or submissive role willingly. By consensually deciding which partner will give and receive power, a power dynamic is established. While in many relationships both partners have equal power, according to traditional gender roles, the male partner holds the power and calls the shots in a typical relationship. However, in a female-led relationship, the female partner is in charge of everything.
Based on the rules of BDSM relationships, female led relationships or FLRs refer to a dominant-female and a submissive-male relationship. The authority of the female partner is generally not limited to specific aspects and extends to finances, sex, decision-making etc. The male partner willingly takes a submissive role and adheres to the authority, control and direction of the female partner. However, a female led relationship is considered an umbrella term that describes a relationship which is not a “male-led” relationship.
In the kink community, the term FLR can be used to define any form of relationship involving a woman and a man where the woman has more power over the relationship than the man. It may involve varied exchange of power or equal exchange of power. But in its truest and most extreme form, the female partner makes all the decisions for the male partner in their shared life.
So are you in a female led relationship? Let’s find out by identifying the signs of a female led relationship (FLR).
7 Signs of female led relationship
In a female led relationship, the woman acts as the leader. The woman typically possesses alpha female personality traits while the male partner has beta male traits. Beta males take pleasure in sharing the power with their female partners or allowing her to take full control of the relationship. Here are some of the most common signs of female led relationships –
1. The woman controls the relationship
In an FLR, the woman wears the proverbial pants. She decides the role and position of the man in the relationship. She decides how much authority he has, if any. She is a strong, independent, assertive and confident woman who has initiated the relationship with her beta male partner by asking him out. She drives the relationship, tells him if and when they should get married and how many children the couple will have or won’t have. While this may appear toxic, it actually takes off a lot of the responsibilities and pressure away from the man. It allows the male partner to focus on different aspects of his life, knowing that his relationship is in the safe hands of his woman.
2. The woman brings home the bacon
One of the most fundamental signs of female led relationships is that the female partner acts as the primary or the sole earner in the household. She is the head of the family as she is the main provider. While the male partner may have a job or career, the woman typically earns more than him and financially contributes a lot more to the household. Although the man’s contributions may be valuable, the woman pays the bills and brings food to the table. Being the main earner, she gets to call the shots in a female led relationship.
3. The man doesn’t take any decisions
The man has no authority to make any decisions. Unlike a traditional relationship, in a female-led relationship, the man needs to check with their female partner and get their approval before making a decision on their own. The decision can be related to the man’s relationship, family, career, friends, hobbies, interests or absolutely anything. In an FLR, the man cannot independently make decisions or plans that impact his own life. He will need to check with and take permission or approval from his female partner, irrespective of how miniscule the decision may be. Contrarily, the woman in the relationship has the power and authority to make any decisions, choices, and plans for herself without checking in with her male partner.
4. The woman plans the finances
If the man hands over his entire salary to his woman every month, then he is undoubtedly in an FLR. In a female led relationship, the woman controls the money. Either the couple has a joint account or the woman instructs her man to give her all the money he earns. However, this is not done out of personal greed or to control the man. The main objective is to ensure that the finances are used in the best interest of both partners. It also helps to reduce the financial burden on the male partner. The woman may also feel that her beta male partner is not capable enough to make the right financial decisions and so she has to step in and take charge. Hence, every decision related to earnings, expenses and savings is taken by her.
5. Chores are not the woman’s responsibility
Household chores are a crucial aspect of any relationship. While traditionally, women have taken care of the household and children, in a female led relationship, it is not necessarily the woman’s sole responsibility. Regardless of who is working and who stays at home, both partners (or parents) are responsible for household chores, depending on the relationship dynamic and understanding between the couples. In extreme cases, only the male partner may do all the chores from taking care of the house, the children and buying groceries while maintaining a career. Even though the female partner may lend a helping hand at times, the man has to take care of the house no matter how overwhelmed he may be. Does this sound like your relationship?
6. No socializing for the man
One of the most obvious signs you’re in a female led relationship is that as a man, you are not allowed to socialize without your woman’s approval. In a female-led relationship, the man is not allowed to “hang out with the boys” without clear permission from his female partner. Moreover, she may also decide how the man will behave and act in a social setting. She may decide –
- How he will dress
- Where he will go
- What and how much he will eat and drink
- Who he can speak or interact with
- When he should return home
Related: 15 Things Alpha Women Do Differently
The woman may also permit the man to attend her family events while denying him to meet with his own family. So the couple may spend most holidays, like Easter, Thanksgiving, and Christmas with the woman’s family, while completely avoiding the man’s family and friends. On the other hand, the man may be allowed by his female partner to visit his family on holidays by himself while the woman spends the same holidays with her own family.
In a female led relationship, the woman may also decide whether the man is allowed to use social media platforms or not. While it is nearly impossible to not have a social media presence in this day and age, the woman may either instruct her male partner to completely stay away from social media or she may closely monitor his social media use. She is kept aware of all his passwords, notifications, friend lists and DMs.
However, these depend on the power dynamic in the relationship and the understanding shared by the couple, else it can cause a lot of toxicity in the relationship.
7. The woman dominates the bedroom
Having its roots in BDSM, sex plays a crucial part in female led relationships. Hence, it’s no wonder that the woman plays the dominant part when it comes to sex and intimacy. The female partner control when and how frequently the couple will engage in sexual activities. The focus is on fulfilling her sexual needs, fantasies, desires and choices. The male partner may find this attractive and may get turned on by being sexually dominated by his partner. However, playing the submissive role in sexual encounters should come willingly from the man and should never be forced. The man should feel happy letting his woman take charge in the bedroom. And that’s why female led relationships work.
Are you in a female led relationship?
Can you identify all or some of these signs in your own relationship? If you are still wondering, then here are some more common signs a female led relationship that you should know about –
- There is clear understanding between both partners about the power dynamics in the relationship and both of them accept that the woman is the dominant partner.
- The woman’s word is final when there is an argument or disagreement.
- The female decides the access and restrictions to electronic gadgets for the male partner.
- The woman has high standards for herself, for the relationship and for her partner.
- The female partner is not reliant on the male partner for her happiness.
- The woman decides when the man needs to get home and how long he can stay out.
- The female partner has her own individual identity and pursues her own passions and hobbies.
- The man is usually not allowed to have any female friends while the woman can have as many male friends, without cheating on him.
- The male partner will be equally or majorly involved in caring for and raising children.
- The man tends to apologize more often to maintain peace and harmony in the relationship and to resolve arguments.
Do female led relationships work?
Surprisingly, there are several advantages of female-led relationships. Not only do female-led relationships flip the script of our misogynist society, it empowers women to rightfully celebrate their dominance and assertiveness. Men in FLR relationships genuinely and willingly accept the domination of their female partners and enjoy it. Moreover, such relationships can be extremely beneficial for both partners involved.
While female led relationships are difficult, the benefits of a female led relationship far outweigh the drawbacks of female-led relationships. FLRs primarily relieve the male partner from traditionally assigned gender roles. Men don’t have to carry the burden of responsibilities or making crucial life-altering decisions. They can rely on their female partners and provide support to the woman in overcoming different life challenges faced by the couple. Not only can this add value to the relationship, but it can also be beneficial for the emotional and mental well-being of both partners.
Apart from relieving the man from societal pressures, FLRs also make the woman feel more in power and responsible for the relationship, which promotes commitment, loyalty and affection among both partners.
Female-led relationships give power to women
A female led relationship can bring happiness, love and satisfaction to both partners when the rules of a female-led relationship are properly followed. Otherwise, the relationship can easily turn toxic and abusive. While this type of a relationship may not be for everyone, if you choose to be in a female led relationship as consenting, mature adults, then it can work wonders.
As long as both partners feel loved and respected, this unique type of relationship can make you truly happy and fulfilled.