When you are genuine and authentic, you make others feel comfortable around you and earn their trust. They see you as someone reliable and dependable. When you are real, the world will respond positively to you. “When we’re balanced and standing in our power, life unfolds easier,” adds Tamara Star. If you want to break out of your fake persona and become more real and authentic, you need to start by identifying your insecurities and acknowledging them.
Read also: 8 Things A Narcissist Fears The Most
Signs of insecurity
Here are some common signs of insecurity, especially in narcissistic people. That you need to look out for:
1. They make others feel insecure
When a particular person makes you feel conscious about yourself and doubt your own self-worth every time you meet them, then it is highly likely that they may be an insecure narcissist. They will always exaggerate their own strengths and achievements to make you feel inferior. Professor Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D. writes “If you don’t feel insecure in general, but only around certain people, it’s likely they’re projecting their insecurities onto you.”
2. They pretend to have extremely high standards
Insecure people with narcissistic traits tend to always complain about how things are never good enough for their taste. They always try to find fault in everything and everyone. They may appear as snobs with high standards but the fact is, they are simply pretending to hide their own flaws and insecurities. However, their ‘act’ can make you think that you are inferior to them. “What they’re trying to do, you may rightly suspect, is to proclaim their high standards as a way of asserting that not only are they better than everyone else, but that they hold themselves to a more rigorous set of self-assessment criteria,” adds Susan.
3. They show off all the time
Insecure people feel a strong need to boast their achievements and accomplishments, whenever possible, even when it’s inappropriate. Although they may not directly make you doubt yourself, one of the most prominent signs of insecurity in narcissistic people is bragging about their success. They constantly show off their superior education, expensive possessions, elegant lifestyle or their perfect family to others. However, this is mostly a desperate attempt to prove their own worth to themselves.
4. They pretend to be humble way too much
Insecure narcissists are masters of the humblebrag, according to Susan. Humblebrag refers to a seemingly modest statement that may be self-derogatory in nature. However, the main purpose of the humblebrag is to draw your attention to something the narcissist is proud of. This is a simple and deceiving strategy to make themselves look better than others, while making you feel inferior. This form of gloating is a clear sign of insecurity.
But that’s not all, there are some other tell-tale signs of insecurity that you can notice in a narcissistic person, such as:
5. They never feel settled or safe
6. They push others away and then strategically pull them back in
7. They tend to sabotage their own relationships
8. They are often paranoid and think others are talking badly about them
9. They can be toxic and aggressive when they are emotionally wounded
10. They constantly try to impress you and feel highly nervous about it
11. They will crave your approval, but will never accept it
12. They tend to be perfectionists or at least pretend to be one
13. They make you feel anxious every time you are with them
14. They are jealous of others’ success
15. They are passively vindictive
16. They always judge others
Identify the signs of insecurity
“Being able to detect insecurity in the people around you can help you shake off the self-doubts that some people seem to enjoy fostering in you,” explains Susan Krauss Whitbourne, Ph.D. When you can detect the signs of insecurity in narcissistic people around you, you will be able to protect your own self-esteem from their contagious toxicity and eliminate self-doubt from your life.
Moreover, it can also enable you to encourage those insecure people you care about to face their flaws and fears and live a more fulfilling life.
Here is an interesting video that you may find helpful: