Have you ever texted your ex after breaking up, but have heavily regretted it the moment you pressed ‘send’? Believe it or not, many people do this, and end up experiencing feelings of regret and embarrassment.
Texting your ex after you’ve been broken up for a while can often feel embarrassing, sad, low—or whatever other uncomfortable emotion you’re feeling. Sometimes it’s a whole gamut of emotions in a large cluster of, “omg I can’t believe I did that. I am a total mess.”
I’ve got good news for you: everyone has been there.
I’ve got more good news for you: if you didn’t text your ex (and I’m sure you tried to refrain from doing so), chances are that you’d still be ruminating on the idea of still texting them. But luckily, you made the leap and did it.
And now you’re here.
In this place where you think he or she holds the power in the breakup, and you’re moving on slower than you thought. It doesn’t feel good. Like I said, I get it.
As a breakup coach, I help men and women process their breakups in a healthy, conscious way. As such, let me remind you that moving on from your ex doesn’t mean following a bunch of steps to getting over them. It’s not meant to be a methodical process, sadly. I know, you’re looking for a strategy, but today I’m going to give you something better.
But first, breakups are about feeling into what happens each day, and not blowing up a small instant to mean more than it actually does. I know—easier said than done. But I’ll explain here.
So, if today, you don’t feel like texting your ex—great. If tomorrow you feel the urge and decide to—great. Either are great because, in both circumstances, you’re learning about yourself. You can choose to turn on the switch that reveals more about your thinking than you’re used to noticing. Breakups are so good at showing us the way we think about ourselves. If done with good intention, we can learn a lot.
Related: How To Respond To A Text From Your Ex
So, I Should Have Texted Them? Even If I Felt Embarrassed?
Sometimes constantly exercising willpower can be exhausting; more than that, holding yourself against what feels right vs what your friends think is “right” is adding a little too much pressure for anyone to live up to. I’m sure people have been telling you to “let it go” and “just stop texting them!” These are things you’ll figure out in your own time.
I’m not here suggesting that you should text your ex, or you shouldn’t; I’m simply saying that the pressure you put on yourself to “do” the breakup “perfectly” isn’t actually a thing.
I know it can feel like your friends are offering good advice, but you don’t need any. You’ve already got all the answers within you. It’s just a matter of allowing yourself to feel what you feel. If you decided to do that, I bet you would discover that you don’t want to text your ex after all. I venture to guess on some level you texted your ex to alleviate the pain/hurt/confusion that you were feeling. But maybe I’m hella wrong.
Maybe if you had given yourself enough time to let the emotion flow through you, and pass—it would have.
But Don’t They Think I’m Totally Not Over Them Because I Texted Them?
They might think that for a second, but chances are they kind of liked getting a little love from you, and then they hurt a little to learn you’re not together anymore. My guess is that they’d thought about doing the exact same thing, but were too afraid that their feelings would not be met if they had.
Either way, they haven’t changed their perception about you just because you did that. Although I don’t know you or your ex, I do know the many conversations I’ve had with people regarding their unique breakup journeys. Many people have told me they cut off communication but still hurt. Several have told me that the texts they receive post-breakup remind them of their love.
