Is being a people pleaser an endemic problem? For most of us, the ultimate seal of approval comes when our actions or views get validated by people from all corners. This may be heartening news, but for some, the general inclination to please everybody may be a problematic situation in the first place.
Who Is A People Pleaser?
A people pleaser is someone who is fundamentally a very helpful, kind, sensitive, and reliable person, who leaves no stone unturned to help people and make them happy. However, being a people pleaser if you constantly sacrifice your needs and happiness, and only prioritize the needs of others, it can make you extremely unhappy.
People pleasers tend to be pure souls who only want spread kindness in the world, but this compassionate nature of theirs put them at risk of being exploited, hurt, and abused by other people.
Unfortunately, even if you know that you should cut ties with someone, you still don’t do that because you don’t want to hurt or anger them.
Related: 9 Important Reminders For A People Pleaser and How To Finally Say ‘No’
15 Habits Of A People Pleaser
Some of the most defining and common habits displayed by a people pleaser are the following:
- You find it very hard to say ‘no’.
- You suffer from low self-esteem and low self-confidence.
- You struggle with being your authentic self.
- You hate conflict, drama, and arguments.
- You agree to things you don’t really want to do, just for the sake of not upsetting the other person.
- You have an inherent need for others to like you, and it bothers you if someone doesn’t.
- You don’t think very highly of yourself.
- You accept blame for things you are not responsible for.
- You feel stressed and burnt out quite frequently.
- You dislike and even fear rejection.
- You don’t call people out despite knowing that they might be taking advantage of you.
- You never accept praise, acknowledgment, and credit for a job well done.
- You apologize a lot.
- You do things you don’t want to do, just to make someone else happy.
- You find it hard to be straightforward and honest about your feelings, and instead, tend to sugarcoat everything.
Here are the top things you do when you try to please anyone and everyone that comes your way.
11 Things People Pleasers End Up Doing Unintentionally
1. You do not snap ties with anyone and allow negative people to stay back in your life. A lot of the time, women and men allow their inner fears to stay in their minds. The fear of losing people or the fact that they could hate you in return makes them unwilling to snap ties.
2. A lot of times, many of us are profusely apologetic for our actions and literally bend backward to please people around us. This makes us lose our respect in the eyes of many in the long run.
Related: 9 Signs You’re A People Pleaser
3. You don’t know how to say no to others and even if you are sick with the flu, you call in for work without taking a leave. Making people happy is almost the other nature for you.
4. A lot of people forget to make time for themselves in their lives. While you are good at making other people happy in the relationships you share, you do not realize that you are hardly making time for yourself. Valuing one’s own life and happiness is more crucial than pleasing others!
5. Holding on to past resentments is not a good thing for your mind and soul. You may be troubled by past events that have taken a toll on your emotional self, and this may not be good for you in the long run. The anger and frustration you feel are not good for your emotional well-being. You should not allow anyone to take advantage of your kindness, and don’t let toxic people rent space in your head.
6. Your friends and family take a lot of advantage of you because they know you will do anything for them anytime. Do not let them exploit you in the name of love, and learn to take a stand for yourself.
7. Because you care a lot about your family and friends, most of them take advantage of the situation and think your actions are for free and you can easily be exploited. The idea is to imagine the power positions in the family. Because of your kindness and pure heart, most people might think you are weak.
8. On many occasions, you are unable to make decisions for yourself alone, because you are always thinking about how others might feel if you give yourself the importance you give them. This is why so many times you end up sacrificing your happiness for others.
9. Hurting yourself more than hurting the other person is also a critical thing that most people pleasers do. Instead of making decisions for yourself, you constantly think about others’ happiness over yours.
10. Holding on to past relationships that don’t fulfill you is another sign of a people-pleasing tendency. In reality, you end up feeling much worse than when you started.
11. Finally, over-analyzing every move or every step is a defeat in some measure. You should be able to live life without passing judgment every single step of the way!
Related: 5 Lessons For People Pleasers
How Can You Stop Being A People Pleaser?
So, how to not be a people pleaser? Let’s find out!
1. Learn to say ‘NO’ when you don’t want to do something.
Saying ‘NO’ might seem like a very hard thing to do since you have always shied away from saying it, but this is a habit you really need to inculcate in yourself. Prioritize your needs and happiness, and once in a while, put yourself first.
If you don’t feel like doing something, or you don’t agree with someone’s opinion, then say it out loud. Don’t let other people guilt you or shame you into doing things you have no interest in doing.
2. Listen to your intuition and inner voice.
When your intuition speaks to you, listen carefully. One of the worst things people pleasers do is ignore their gut instinct and inner voice, and think that they’re just overthinking and being anxious.
However, the truth is that your inner voice knows what the reality is, and if it’s calling out to you, then trust it. If you feel a negative vibe from someone, it’s your intuition telling you that they might be toxic. If a place scares you or makes you feel uncomfortable, then it’s telling you that you should leave.
Listen to your inner voice, and let it guide you through all the sticky situations and negative people in your life.
3. Set strict boundaries.
You should never ever compromise with your boundaries, no matter how much you might love someone. It’s okay to put yourself first sometimes, even if it upsets someone else.
For example, if you don’t feel like meeting up with your friends, and just want to spend some alone time at home, then do that. Convey that to your friends, and if they don’t understand, it’s not really your problem.
Or if you have a narcissistic parent, and every time you meet them they criticize you and put you down, then set some boundaries and let them know that. If needed, minimize contact with them, and ask them not to come over to your place for visits. They will definitely create a scene but stick to your boundaries for the sake of your happiness and mental peace.
Related: The People Pleaser and the Narcissist: The Toxic Relationship Trap
4. Understand that you can never please everyone nor make everyone happy.
This is a harsh truth to accept, but one you absolutely have to. It’s not possible for you to please everyone in this world, no matter how hard you try to do so. Be your authentic self no matter what the world tells you to be.
It’s not your responsibility to make others happy and satisfy them, nor do you need to. Be kind, compassionate, and authentic always, and the right kind of people will never make you feel like you have to strive endlessly for their happiness.
5. Learn to take a stand for yourself.
Being a people pleaser, you really need to learn how to take a stand for yourself, so that others stop treating you like a doormat all the time. So raise your voice and let your feelings be known.
If someone hurts you, tell them. If someone is making you feel insulted, tell them. If you don’t agree with someone, let your feelings be known. And most importantly, if you are being pressurised to do something you don’t want to do, then let that be known.
Learning to take a stand for yourself is an extremely important quality to have. It lets people know that you are your own person, and you won’t just blindly do what they expect you to. You come first, and you will do what YOU feel comfortable with. Period.
Related: How To Overcome The Need To Please: 6 Step Guide
How many of these could you relate to? Let us know your thoughts in the comments down below!
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