Expecting emotional support from a narcissist is like expecting a fish to climb a tree. It’s impossible for them to understand another person’s pain, and even more impossible for them to be selfless enough to support them through it.
We don’t provide support. We are too concerned with ourselves and our daily hunt for the fuel that we need to be concerned about you. We are engrossed in our own world and have no interest in yours. The only time we pay attention to you is when you are providing us with fuel or you stop providing us with fuel. Everything we do is focused around us. This is because we have to obtain fuel, as without we will disintegrate.
The hunger for this fuel is never-ending and accordingly, all of our energy must be applied towards obtaining it. This leaves us with nothing left over for anyone else.
Being a caregiver yourself, you would like to think that the person with who you share your life, or who you work closely with, would be amenable to providing you with support. That may mean giving you emotional support when you are experiencing a difficult time or taking the strain allowing you to lessen the burden on yourself. You give and you are happy to do so, therefore why should they not do so as well? That is the outlook of someone normal operating by the norms and rules of your world.
Those do not apply to us. We cannot provide you with support since we have nothing available to do so.
Added to that we do not know how to provide emotional support. Yes, we can see how chores can be done and the like. We also have observed the ways that you provide emotional support to other people and we know the phrases that are used, the expressions that are formed on people’s faces, and the gestures that are made. We have seen all that and we could trot all that out.
In fact, we have done this in the past. We did this when we were seducing you. When we wanted you to divulge about your weaknesses and vulnerabilities this will have invariably saddened you and upset you. It may even have caused an episode where you need emotional support. We were happy to go through the motions then because we were at the stage of investing in you in order to get our fuel. We were content to make the right noises, give you a hug and make the panacea that is the cup of tea.
All of this was learned from others. We did not feel anything for you. We could not put ourselves in your shoes (heaven forbid that would ever happen) and we could not empathize with what you were experiencing and nor can we ever do that. Yet again, we conned you into thinking that we are caring and selfless people.
We demonstrated such an approach when we were first together and that attracted you to us. This raised expectations that you could rely on us and turn to us when the need arose. It is all false.
Furthermore, when you need support and expect it from us, you are showing us how you are weak. We despise weakness. You will find that our kind is rarely found near children, the infirm and ill, and the elderly. This is because they are all weak and want support regularly.
We do not want to be reminded of that fact. We cannot be bothered with you cluttering up our route to fuel. An exhibition of weakness infuriates us. A normal person would see someone in a position of weakness and design to help and assist. We have seen how this is a natural reaction in normal people. It will not happen with us.