Working With A Narcissist? 13 Common Mistakes To Avoid

Working with a narcissistic person can be nothing short of a living nightmare. However, the good news is that if you know what to do, and what NOT to do when engaging with them, you’ll have an easier time working with them. As long as you avoid making certain mistakes, you will be okay.




13 Common Mistakes To Avoid When Working With A Narcissist

Mistake 1 – Call A Narcissist A Narcissist To Their Face

Calling a narcissist a narcissist, no matter how true it may be, won’t help. Additionally, naming someone a narcissist is unprofessional unless you are a mental health practitioner who has been licensed and who has been provided with enough access to diagnose NPD (narcissistic personality order).

Mistake 2 – Call A Narcissist A Narcissist Behind Their Back

Again, this is indulgent and unprofessional. Instead, use facts.



  • As I reviewed the recording of my presentation, I noted that Joe interrupted me 10 times mid-sentence. Do you have any advice?
  • When I gave Sue the feedback questionnaire, she laughed and dumped it in the rubbish without looking at it. What are my options?

Related: 18 Signs Of A Narcissistic Co-Parent and How To Deal

Mistake 3 – Try To Reform The Narcissist

Stop trying to help the narcissist to see their problems and errors. Instead, work on your own responses and engagement. How can you respond calmly and firmly the next time the narcissist crosses your boundaries? How many deep breaths did you take before responding to the narcissist’s last round of excuses?

We are not suggesting that you tolerate workplace abuse; we are suggesting that you refuse to over-function by taking responsibility for buffering or moderating the narcissist’s poor behavior.




narcissist

Mistake 4 – Report Problems Based On Feelings Instead Of Evidence

Whether your organization has a formal or informal feedback system, your observations will be better received if they are based on evidence rather than feelings.

Less Effective: It is extremely difficult to work with this person.
More Effective: This person has been late to work 20 out of the last 40 days.

Less Effective: Everyone avoids working on a team with this person.
More Effective: I created graphics for a presentation on Tuesday. On Thursday, this person used my graphics in a different meeting and insinuated that both the graphics and ideas were her own.

Mistake 5 – Make The Narcissist Think That Your Ideas Are Their Ideas

Although rubbing the ego of a narcissist is tempting (because it often works), most of us find this kind of coping behavior to be demeaning, dishonest, and disingenuous.

Tricking a narcissist into thinking your ideas are their ideas may work to promote your ideas, but it will not promote your mental health or self-respect. Using flattery to reduce a narcissist’s insecurity is a form of unhealthy enabling.

Related: Narcissistic Leaders — The Destructive Lies They Tell Themselves and Others




Mistake 6 – Give Feedback Alone

If you are in a situation to give a narcissist feedback, ask someone else to be with you. Narcissists do not usually take feedback well and may become angry, lash out at you personally, and seek revenge. To avoid a he-said-she-said situation, invite a third party to be in the room when you deliver feedback to a narcissist.

Mistake 7 – Give Feedback In A Large Group

Most people do not relish negative feedback given in a public setting or in front of a large group. Narcissists find such a situation especially humiliating and may be expected to react poorly.

Mistake 8 – Take Life Too Seriously

Better to laugh than to cry at the absurdities of life. When you have to deal with a toxic personality at work, your sense of humor can help limit their power to affect you. Be the bigger person. See the narcissist as weak and childish rather than scary and powerful. Meditation may be a powerful tool for changing your paradigm.

Mistake 9 – Get Personal

Aim to be the ultimate professional. Stay calm under pressure. Engage respectfully and politely. Get HR or a negotiator involved when needed. It may seem that the narcissist is out to get you personally, but actually, the narcissist treats anyone and everyone in similar ways.

The narcissist, by definition, will flatter people who they see as higher than them and exploit people they view as lower than them.

Mistake 10 – Try To Win Points With The Narcissist By Sharing Dirt About Somebody Else

A narcissist will initially reward you for privileged information. In the long run, however, do you want to have stronger ties to the narcissist than to other workmates? It’s better to spend your time nurturing relationships with others than with the narcissist, even if these relationships are not up the hierarchical chain in your organization.

Related: A 3-Step Guide To Get Your Narcissistic Boss To Like You




Mistake 11 – Be Manipulatable

By definition, a narcissist is a manipulator. And, hard as it may be to hear, a manipulator has no power with someone who refuses to be manipulated. Narcissists need co-narcissists. Narcissists gravitate toward people who are easily manipulated and avoid people who are not easily manipulated.

Mistake 12 – Record The Narcissist Without Permission

You want hard evidence against a narcissist, and he or she is blowing up on the phone. Can you record the call and give it to your HR department? You may legally record a phone call if it is only for personal use, but to use the recording as evidence you may need express permission from all parties.

Policies around recording verbal interactions and phone calls are different than rules around email and social media posts. Email and social media posts may be freely collected and used as evidence in an organizational setting and even in court.

Mistake 13 – Fall For A Narcissist’s Flattery

The difference between a narcissist and a poor-tempered person is that a narcissist uses manipulation and exaggeration to exploit others. Narcissists usually resort to poor-tempered behavior only if things don’t go their way.

If a narcissist views you as a boss, he or she may be flattering you at the same time he or she is mistreating co-workers in situations you can’t easily observe. If a narcissist views you as a sidekick, he or she may be grooming you by appealing to your desire to be attached to a strong and opinionated person. Don’t fall for flattery; aim for well-balanced relationships.




Related: 7 Common Myths About Narcissistic Personality Disorder

In conclusion, it is impossible to underestimate the frustration that many of us experience when one of our work associates exhibits a high narcissistic profile. Avoiding these 13 common mistakes will be an initial strategy, a scaffold upon which to build through experience, asking for the help you need along the way.


Written By Rebecca Zung   
Originally Appeared On Rebecca Zung  
working with a narcissist mistakes pinop
working with a narcissist mistakes pin


— Share —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

How to Respond to a Manipulative Apology: 7 Ways You Can Turn the Tables on Emotional Manipulation

Ways to Handle a Manipulative Apology

Manipulative apologies are tricky; they sound like remorse but actually aim to shift blame, guilt-trip, or control the situation. Learning how to respond to a manipulative apology is crucial to maintaining emotional balance and protecting your well-being.

Always remember that apology without change is manipulative, and the quicker you realize that, the better it will be for you and emotional well-being.

Let’s dive into what is a manipulative apology, how does a narcissist apologize and how to respond to a manipulative apology, so that you can handle these situations with confidence, and not get caught in an emotional trap.

Related:


READ FULL ARTICLE ⇲
Up Next

9 Malignant Narcissist Traits That Scream ‘Stay Away!’

Malignant Narcissist Traits That Scream Stay Away

Ever met someone who just seemed a little too… intense? Maybe they needed control, demanded admiration, or seemed to enjoy making others uncomfortable? These aren’t just common personality flaws – these are actually malignant narcissist traits.

Spotting these traits can help you steer clear of the emotional roller coaster that follows such people around. We’ll dive into exactly what is a malignant narcissist, the warning signs to watch out for, and how to deal with a malignant narcissist.

So, let’s get started shall we? We will begin with what is a malignant narcissist.

Related:


READ FULL ARTICLE ⇲
Up Next

How to Make a Narcissist Miserable: 9 Ways to Flip the Script

How to Make a Narcissist Miserable

So, you’re ready to learn how to make a narcissist miserable? Let’s be real – dealing with one can feel like you’re stuck in a never-ending soap opera, where they’re the star, and you’re the… well, supporting character.

But guess what? You don’t have to play along! Narcissists live off attention, praise, and control, so what if you start flipping the script?

The goal here isn’t revenge but taking back your power. Today we are going to talk about how to hurt a narcissist where it hurts, and what to say to a narcissist to make them feel bad.

Related: Tired of Ent


READ FULL ARTICLE ⇲
Up Next

Tired of Entitled People? 8 Clever Ways to Keep Your Cool

Ways to Keep Your Cool

Entitled people—they’re everywhere, and dealing with them can be downright draining. Whether it’s at work, among friends, or even family, you may find yourself constantly bumping into people who seem to think the world revolves around them.

But handling them without losing your cool? That’s the real trick. From understanding the entitlement mentality to recognizing the signs of an entitled person and learning how to deal with entitled people, this guide will help you navigate these tricky interactions without letting frustration take over.

Let’s dive in and uncover some clever, calming strategies for managing the entitled in your life.

First, let’s try to understand what it means to have a sense of entitlement.


READ FULL ARTICLE ⇲
Up Next

Why Is Narcissism On The Rise? The Shocking Connection to the Wetiko Mindset!

Why Is Narcissism On The Rise Wetiko

Why is narcissism on the rise? It seems like everywhere we look, we find more people focused on themselves, seeking constant admiration, and lacking empathy.

While many chalk it up to social media or a “me-first” culture, there’s an ancient concept that might hold deeper answers: the Wetiko mindset.

Rooted in Indigenous teachings, Wetiko represents a mindset of self-centeredness, greed, and disconnection, which eerily aligns with modern narcissism.

By exploring this concept, we can uncover why there’s a rise in narcissism and how we can address it. Read on to know more about this mindset and what it means.

Related:


READ FULL ARTICLE ⇲
Up Next

Weaponized Incompetence: 7 Ways Narcissists Manipulate You With This Stealthy Trick

Weaponized Incompetence Narcissists Manipulate You

“Weaponized incompetence” might sound like a complex term, but you’ve probably experienced it at some point. Imagine dealing with someone who magically “forgets” how to do something just to avoid doing it, leaving you with all the work.

This manipulative trick is often used by narcissists to get out of responsibilities while making you feel overly critical or even guilty. In relationships, whether personal or professional, it’s a stealthy tactic that can leave you exhausted and overwhelmed.

Today, we are going to talk about what is weaponized incompetence, the signs of weaponized incompetence and how to deal with weaponized incompetence. So, ready to know more about this?

Let’s start with what is weaponized incompetence.


READ FULL ARTICLE ⇲
Up Next

Are You The Scapegoat In A Narcissistic Family? 8 Scapegoat Roles

Being the scapegoat of a narcissistic family is tough and confusing. You might feel like you are always the problem, no matter what you do. But did you know there are actually different types of family scapegoats? Yup, there are 8 distinct kinds, each with it’s own unique challenges.

(adsbygoogle = window.adsbygoogle || []).push({});

But, who is a scapegoat really? When it comes a narcis


READ FULL ARTICLE ⇲

— Follow Us —