Dedicated to men who feel alone and want to be alone but not wanting to be lonely
The reason why we keep our feelings to ourselves is that we cannot explain them. There is nobody who knows what thoughts go through your mind when you’re sad or happy. But being alone doesn’t mean that you’re going to be forever alone, because someone out there will find you. But before that stop accepting the feeling of being alone forever as a reality, you’re not designed for that, nobody is.
This is the hour your mind processes years of rejection. Never fitting in growing up, low self-esteem at the lunch table in middle school. Punched holes in the wall and tears on the pillow case. You analyze how you could have texted that girl differently who stopped responding. The day hasn’t even begun, and you’re already exhausted.
What’s the point? Why even get out of bed? Why even fucking try when you feel like you’ve been trying your whole life, only to be met by a slap in the face?
The easy answer is, “It gets get better.”
But what if it has to get worse first?
What if you’re supposed to get rejected 100 more times before you get a girlfriend? What if you have to go on 10 more shitty first dates before you get a second date? Would you still do it?
It’s tempting to go for a quick fix. Alcohol, drugs, level another World of Warcraft character to 100, look up articles on the internet, and go to bed. Rinse and repeat.
What does it take for awakening? Where’s our movie scene where our best friend comes in, flips the bed over, and tells us it’s time to go out there and kick some fucking ass?
Sometimes you get an awakening. Sometimes you have to snap yourself out of it.
In The Darkest Hour, You Still Have A Choice.
In the book, Man’s Search for Meaning, Viktor E. Frankl talks about his experience living in a concentration camp. Even in the darkest of hours, the prisoners still managed to chose how they dealt with their circumstances.
We who lived in concentration camps can remember the men who walked through the huts comforting others, giving away their last piece of bread. They may have been few in number, but they offer sufficient proof that everything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of human freedoms—to choose one’s own attitude in any given set of circumstances—to choose one’s own way. – Viktor E. Frankl
For you, maybe that means you go for a walk for 20 minutes today instead of spending time looking at pointless YouTube videos to try to numb yourself.
Schedule lunch with a friend. One who makes you laugh. Tell him you are having a hard time getting a date so he can make a joke about it.
Sign up for an improv class. Learn to get outside of yourself instead of constantly sitting with your thoughts.
Focus On One Thing At A Time.
Anyone can shake off one bad day. But a series of bad days? If you’ve gotten to the point where you think, “I’m going to be alone forever.” Then you’ve had a series of bad days. I’ve been there, multiple times.
To shake off a series of bad days, you have to have a series of good days. A series of good days start with one good day. One good day starts with making one better decision than yesterday.
That means breaking habits that don’t serve you. Cut out friends who bring you down. Put the bottle down. Get exercise. No more soda. Start a journal. Meditate. Think of all the things you are grateful for. Pick one. Do that for a week, then pick something else.
Over time you’ve slowly made several better decisions that take the weight off feeling like shit all the time. The time you used to spend sulking in your own misery has been replaced by a group workout class. The time you wanted to eat a whole pizza alone and watch I reruns has been replaced by going on a walk with your neighbor.