How To Keep Control Of Your Emotions and Save Your Relationship


, ,
keep control of your emotions and save your relationship

“If your emotional abilities aren’t in hand if you don’t have self-awareness if you are not able to manage your distressing emotions if you can’t have empathy and have effective relationships, then no matter how smart you are, you are not going to get very far.” – Daniel Goleman

Learning how to keep control of your emotions is one of the best ways that you can keep your relationship a healthy one.

Something I hear from clients regularly is that, when they are in conflict with their partner, instead of being able to talk about things, emotions take over, people get hurt and nothing gets resolved. As a result, issues are pushed down, only to resurface over and over. This continued pain will ultimately destroy any relationship, no matter how much love is involved.

To that end, I would like to share with you why knowing how to keep control of your emotions is a key part of keeping your relationship healthy.

1. Step Away But Don’t Storm Off.

Keep control.

We are taught on TV and in movies that, to make our point, we need to make a declaration and then walk away. In the movies, after that declaration, the character has an epiphany that they were wrong and their person was right and everyone lives happily ever after.

OR, in the movies, when we storm away, our partner chases us because they love us so much and want to make things right.

But, in reality, storming away gets no one anywhere. It cuts any conversation short and only serves to put off until later any opportunity to resolve the issue.

All of that being said, it’s very important to step away if you find your emotions are getting the best of you.

I would encourage you to, if you are finding your emotions getting out of control, tell your person that you need five minutes and to step away and take some deep breaths. To go for a walk or sit with your puppy or take a shower.

So, step away but don’t storm away. This will give you both a chance to calm down a little bit so that maybe you can return to the conversation in a calmer, more productive way, to put the issue to bed and move on.

Related: 8 Steps To Regulate Your Emotions When They Drive You Crazy

2. Take Deep Breaths.

I know it sounds very trite, but breathing is one of the best ways to keep control of your emotions.

Think about the last time you got into a fight with your partner. Did you find you were having a hard time expressing yourself?  Did you get overwhelmed with tears, perhaps becoming so upset that you were hyperventilating? Did you find your heart racing more than usual?

All of those things can be the result of a lack of oxygen to the brain. Without sufficient oxygen, it’s hard to think. Without sufficient oxygen, our nervous system gets activated and emotional regulation can be very difficult. Without sufficient oxygen, our body can go into fight or flight mode, which will only make things worse.

When you find yourself in conflict with your partner, I would encourage you to pause for a second and take a deep breath, breathing right down into your tummy. Taking a deep breath will help your brain get the oxygen it needs so that you can think clearly and, hopefully, keep control of your emotions.

3. Keep Tuned In To How You Are Feeling.

I know for me, when I used to get escalated in my marriage, I was not aware of it. The adrenaline caused by the conflict took over and propelled me forward towards chaos. By the time that happened, there was no going back.

What I’ve been working on recently is recognizing my emotions as they evolve, recognizing when they are getting out of control.

When I do recognize that they might be getting out of control, I do #1 and #2 above. I either ask for a time out or I take a deep breath, pause and try to get my emotions back in check, and then proceed.

I know this is easier said than done. It can take a lot of work to try to regulate your emotions. But being aware of them is a very important step to doing so.

4. Don’t Focus On One Word Or Sentence.

When you are in an argument, do you find that you tend to focus on one ugly word or one disrespectful sentence that has been said?

Do you find that, if your partner makes an offhand comment that you find unkind or condescending, you cannot let it go? Does the fight then pivot to that one thing instead of what originally caused it? And does that just derail the whole thing?

One key part of keeping control of your emotions during conflict is to not focus on the small things.  Yes, we all say things in the heat of the moment, things that we regret but once they are said there is no unsaying them. If you can keep in mind that we are all only human and we say things that we don’t mean, this might help you let them go.

5. Don’t Pick A Fight.

For many of us, we spend our days in our heads. If something has happened that is upsetting us, we might dwell on it and get ourselves all worked up. Once we are worked up, we have two choices – to bring it up calmly with our partner or to pick a fight. Most of us pick a fight.

If we pick a fight instead of approaching something from a calm place, the fight is derailed even before it begins. Our emotions are already elevated and our partner is immediately on the defensive. The fight will escalate and have no chance of being resolved – which can only make everything worse.

I encourage you to, if you are struggling with something, tell your person that you need to talk about it. Don’t be passive-aggressive or snide. Just be a grown-up and talk.

Related: How Do You Communicate In A Relationship Without Fighting About The Same Old Things?

Learning How To Keep Control Of Your Emotions Is Not An Easy Thing To Do.

We are very emotional creatures, particularly women, and when we care deeply about something, it’s hard for us to not feel our feelings.

But, if you can learn how to not pick a fight, how to step away and take a deep breath in the middle of a conflict, to stay focused on how you’re feeling, and to not vilify that ONE thing that was said, you will definitely be a long way towards controlling your emotions.

And, I think you will find that, if you can keep control of your emotions during a conflict with your partner, your relationship will be healthier and, if it has been struggling, it might be saved.

You can do this! I know you can!

Written By: Mitzi Bockmann
Originally Appeared On: Let Your Dreams Begin

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Up Next

How To Control Your Emotions And Thrive In Life

How To Control Your Emotions: Foolproof Strategies

Ever felt like your emotions are running the show, leaving you on a rollercoaster ride you didn’t sign up for? If you constantly find yourself swept away by a surge of emotions, then let’s explore how to control your emotions.

Emotions are a natural part of being human, but when they control us instead of the other way around, they can lead to impulsive decisions, strained relationships, and heightened stress levels. 

The good news is that you have the power to regain control and navigate the vast ocean of emotions that lie within you. Today, we will explore how emotions can control us, the importance of understanding and managing them, and practical strategies to help you regain the helm and steer your emotional ship towards calmer waters.

Up Next

“I Don’t Want To Work Anymore!”: 8 Reasons Why You Are Tired Of The Daily Grind

"I Don't Want To Work Anymore!": Reasons Why You Hate Work

Do you constantly say to yourself “I don’t want to work anymore!!”? Hey, we’ve all been there. Staring at our alarm clocks, dreading the sound that signals another long day of work. The thought of dragging yourself out of bed and getting ready to do the same everyday routine can be downright depressing.

In this fast-paced world, it’s no wonder that many of us have reached a breaking point when it comes to the daily grind. But the question is, why do we feel this way? Is it normal to not want to work anymore? What are the reasons for not wanting to go to work?

Well, grab a cup of coffee (or a glass of wine, absolutely no judgment here!), because we’re about to delve into eight relatable reasons why you might be telling yourself “I don’t want to work anymore”.

Up Next

The 10 Best Songs To Wake Up To For A Brighter Morning

Best Songs to Wake Up to That'll Jumpstart Your Day

Looking for the perfect soundtrack to jumpstart your day with positivity? From upbeat melodies to soothing tunes, we’ve got your mornings covered with the best songs to wake up to that energizes and inspires.

Waking up to the sound of blaring alarms often leaves us feeling groggy and disoriented. It can tick you off the wrong way and completely dampen your mood immediately after you wake up. There is no doubt that this can seriously affect the rest of your day as you start your day off in a bad mood.

But, fret not, because I have the perfect solution to kickstart your mornings on a positive note with the best morning playlist. Imagine waking up to the melodious tunes of your favorite songs, gently coaxing you out of

Up Next

From Triggers To Turmoil: What Causes Adjustment Disorder And How To Overcome

What Causes Adjustment Disorder And How To Overcome

Life is a journey filled with ups and downs, and each of us faces numerous challenges along the way. While most people find ways to adapt and cope with these challenges, some individuals may experience significant difficulties in adjusting to life’s stressors. This can lead to a condition known as adjustment disorder. But what causes adjustment disorder?

Today, we will delve into the intricacies of adjustment disorder, exploring what is adjustment disorder, its symptoms, causes, and available treatment for adjustment disorder in adults. So, let’s gain a better understanding of adjustment disorder and how it affects individuals in their daily lives.

What is Adjustment Disorder?

Up Next

When Sleep Becomes Deadly: What Is Microsleep And How To Stay Awake

What Is Microsleep? Tips to Stay Awake

Ever found yourself zoning out for a split second, only to jolt back awake? Curious about what exactly happens during these moments? Let’s explore what is microsleep and how to deal with it!

Most of us have often experienced a momentary lapse of consciousness, where our head begins to nod and your eyelids feel impossibly heavy. It’s that fleeting moment when you feel like you’ve suddenly dozed off, only to snap back to wakefulness, startled and confused. If you’ve ever encountered this bizarre phenomenon, you might have just experienced a microsleep.

In this fast-paced world that demands our attention and productivity, it’s crucial to understand the concept of microsleep, its symptoms, causes, and most importantly, how to deal with it effectively. 

So, let’s delve into this intriguin

Up Next

The Science Of Sleep Talking: What Causes You To Talk In Your Sleep And How To Stop

Nighttime Talking: What Causes You To Talk In Your Sleep?

Has your partner or family member ever told you that you talk in your sleep? Or have you ever woken up to the sound of your own voice, realizing you’ve been talking in your sleep? Sleep talking is a curious, intriguing and puzzling phenomenon. But what causes you to talk in your sleep?

Today, we will delve into the world of sleep talking, exploring the signs of sleep talking, its causes, the spiritual meaning of sleep talking, and delve into effective strategies on how to stop sleep talking. So, let’s dive deep into this nocturnal exploration.

What is Sleep Talking?

Sleep talking, also known as somniloquy, is a fascinating sleep disorder that can range from simple mumbling to full-blown conversations. It i

Up Next

What Is Sound Healing Therapy? How Sound Can Boost Your Mental Health And Improve Your Life

What Is Sound Healing Therapy? Mental Health Benefits

Have you ever wondered about the mysterious ways in which sound can affect our emotions and well-being? From the soothing melodies of a favorite song to the thunderous crash of ocean waves, sound has an incredible ability to move us, to touch our souls. But did you know that sound can also be harnessed for healing purposes? Let’s explore what is sound healing therapy?

Today, we will delve into the fascinating realm of sound healing therapy, exploring its benefits, how it works, and its profound impact on mental health. So, let’s embark on a journey of sound and discover the transformative power it holds.

What is Sound Healing Therapy?

Sound healing therapy is an ancient practice that utilizes the vibratio