How Do You Communicate In A Relationship Without Fighting About The Same Old Things?

Sometimes, it seems as if all you do is fight. As a sex therapist, I often work with people on their relationships, beyond the sexual stuff. One question I get frequently is “how do you communicate in a relationship without fighting” – and the answer is what this article is all about. 

Assuming the worst

One reason we end up having the same arguments over and over again, is because we’ve gotten into a habit of assuming the worst about our partner – instead of the best. 

You start to see their behaviour or their lack of action as a sign of something negative, which in turn leads to communication mishaps and conflict. 

By switching perspective, you can let go of the small annoyances and focus on what your partner does to make you happy. This is one of many things that keep a relationship alive. 

Now, this isn’t to say that there are never situations where your partner makes selfish decisions or doesn’t listen. They’re only human and we all make these kinds of mistakes (yes, even you and I do it!). 

However, the question is; will your relationship improve by you constantly focusing on your partner’s faults and interpreting them as malicious? Or could changing your perspective from assuming the worst to assuming the best, be better for you and your relationship?

Below are four common examples I’ve heard of as a sex and relationship therapist and coach. And they all help you switch perspective so you won’t have to ask “how do you communicate in a relationship without fighting” any time soon again.

 Four Examples To Help You Communicate In a Relationship Without Fighting

1. They never surprise you – because they don’t love you

This one hurts. You’ve hinted and told your partner explicitly what you want. You’ve even surprised your partner yourself, all to let them know how much you’d love a surprise. 

For you, surprises equal love and it’s how you feel the most appreciated and cared for

So when your partner fails to follow through on what you feel is a simple and easy gesture – you immediately go to the worst case scenario in your head: they don’t love you. 

But instead of looking at what they’re not doing – what would happen if you shifted perspective and looked at what they are doing. 

  • Perhaps they always make sure to buy your favourite juice from that shop down town? 
  • Or maybe they clean the bathroom meticulously to make sure it’s fresh, because they know you love that.

What are they actually doing, and could you look at the actions they are taking as signs of love? Because they likely are.

Read 10 Signs He Is In Love With You

2. They prioritize work instead of time with you – because work is more important

This is a difficult one – work is a non-negotiable – we need to work in order to pay our bills and put food on the table. However, how our partner chooses to work or their line of work, isn’t always what we feel is important. 

When one partner is constantly working and it seems like work is the only thing they find important in life – switching perspective and assuming the best intentions behind their choice, (instead of selfishness), is powerful. 

  • Maybe they’re prioritizing work in order to be able to buy you gifts – because that’s how they show their love? 
  • Or perhaps they’re working towards a big goal that you used to dream of together, like going on holiday or staying at that fancy hotel you drive by every day?

What if their priorities aren’t a sign of finding work more important at all? What if it’s a token of their love?

3. They never tell you, you look pretty – because they think you’re unattractive

For some people, words of appreciation are an important way of feeling loved and sexy. For others, it’s more about acts of service, surprising the other, or physical connection, hugging and kissing and holding you at night.

Just because your partner doesn’t tell you how they feel about your appearance, it doesn’t have to mean they find you unattractive or unsexy. 

See what happens if you change your frame of mind to focusing on what your partner is doing to validate your looks. 

  • Maybe they’re constantly touching you or giving you quick massages. 
  • Perhaps they’re always the first one to suggest having a bath together?
  • Or maybe they’re really good at buying you clothes for your birthday?

Flip the script and assume the best about your partner; it will probably make you feel better and you’ll avoid the same old fights.

Read 5 Ways To Stay Attracted To A Partner You’ve Been With For Years

4. Assuming the best

How do you communicate in a relationship without fighting? Well, fighting in relationships is unavoidable – however, fighting about the same old things day in and day out, isn’t. 

Changing the way you think about your partner’s actions or inaction might just be all you need to stop the incessant conflicts. 

Ask yourself how you know what you think you know? And see if assuming good intent instead of bad intent makes a difference. 

The object of changing perspective isn’t to eliminate important talks or to never have an argument at all. 

It’s about making a conscious effort to see all the positives, not just the negatives. Because when you do, you’ll find you won’t have to ask the question “how do you communicate in a relationship without fighting” – it won’t be a question at all. 

Originally published on Therapy by Leigh. 

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

Crushed By Love? 9 Alarming Symptoms Of Lovesickness You Can’t Ignore

Alarming Symptoms of Lovesickness You Need to Know

Have you been taken over by a whirlwind of feelings for someone? Is your crush or lover the only thought in your mind? Then you just might be lovesick. Lovesickness can be both joyful and tormenting. Understanding the symptoms of lovesickness can help you get over it and transform love into a more positive experience.

Love is a beautiful yet confusing emotion. It fills your heart with bliss and misery at the same time. Love can consume your entire being as you experience the highest of highs and lowest of lows. However, lovesickness can be a very intense emotion that can be difficult for some individuals to manage. 

So let us explore what is lovesickness, the symptoms of lovesickness, and how to get over being lovesick so that you can build healthier relationships and a happier life.

Up Next

How To Support Your Partner When They’re Hurt By Your Parents

How To Support Your Partner When Your Parents Hurt Them

Trying to be fair when your partner and parents have an argument can be a tough balancing act to master. Which is why, sometimes validating your partner is necessary. This article is going to talk about how to support your partner, and what’s the best strategy if you’re thinking about how to validate your partner’s feelings.


Troubles with in-laws are common in relationships.

It’s natural to want to keep harmony between your partner and your family member.

It’s important to try to understand why your partner’s emotions make sense and validate them.

Up Next

Are All Romantic Relationships Toxic? 9 Toxic Romantic Signs They Don’t Want You To Know About

Toxic Romantic Signs: Red Flags To Never Ignore

Are all romantic relationships somewhat toxic or can we actually live together happily ever after? As our relationships seem to become increasingly complicated and toxic with every passing day, it is crucial that we learn to identify toxic romantic signs.

Love is a captivating force that pulls two souls together. All of us yearn for a genuine romantic relationship that will inspire us and make us happy. But there is often a darker side to every love story. And if you truly think about it, there is some element of toxicity in almost every romantic relationship. 

Today, let us embark on a journey to explore the intricacies of toxic romantic love and understand why all relationships are toxic.

What is Toxic Romantic Love?<

Up Next

15 Exquisite Poems For Valentines Day Cards To Make Their Heart Flutter!

poems for valentine's day cards

Valentine’s Day is the perfect occasion for us to express our deepest feelings towards those we love and hold dear. And what’s better than poetry? That’s why, we curated this list of 15 handpicked poems for Valentines Day cards for you, because we thought, why not show your love through poems?

Each of these poems for Valentine’s Day perfectly captures the essence of love and affection, and are perfect for adding some romance to your cards. All these poems are unique in their own way, but the one thing that’s common is the way they help you express your love for your special one.

So, are you ready to explore s

Up Next

Zodiac Rom-com Tropes: Let Stars Reckon How You Could Fall In Love!

Rom-com Tropes Reveal Each Zodiac Sign's Honest Fantasies

Have you ever thought about how the popular rom-com tropes reflect our love life or romantic journey?

Truth IS stranger than fiction, and when it comes to literature or movies, we can safely say that the tropes are heavily drawn from real-life drama!

But one might wonder, in the world of romantic comedies, where love blossoms amidst laughter and quirky plot twists, do the timeless tropes that we’ve come to adore align with the stars somehow?

We believe they do! Each zodiac sign, with its unique traits, mirrors a classic rom-com trope that could very well be the script of their own love story,

Up Next

Love In Words: 11 Fascinating Proverbs And Famous Sayings About Love

Wisdom in Love: Proverbs And Famous Sayings About Love

Love is the language that the universe speaks. Love transcends species, race, age, genders, cultures and borders. While love doesn’t necessarily need any words to be expressed, famous sayings about love can often help us understand and express our love better.

Since the beginning of time, love has been an emotion that has enamored the hearts and souls of mankind. It is a theme which philosophers, poets and lovers have pondered upon time and again, trying to unravel its riddles and make sense out of its complexities. 

So today, we are going to explore some popular true love proverbs from around the world and discover timeless wisdom from Europe to Asia and beyond that could provide insights about the mystery known as love.

Up Next

Qixi Festival: The Intriguing Origins And Traditions Of Chinese Valentine’s Day 

Qixi Festival: Traditions of Chinese Valentine's Day

Love stories have always gripped our hearts, going beyond cultures and decades. In China, there is a special celebration of romance and love known as Qixi Festival- the Chinese Valentine’s Day.

This magical event has a unique place in the hearts of the Chinese people and can be traced back to thousands of years. So let us dive into the story behind Chinese Valentine’s Day and learn more about the Chinese Qixi festival.

Qixi Festival: The Chinese Valentine’s Day

Qixi (Qīxījié) Festival, also known as Chinese Valentine’s Day, is an ancient event celebrated in China on July 7 of every year, as per the lunar calendar. The occasion draws heavily from Chinese mythologies