All of us are pretty quick to catch on if a guy is good-for-nothing or has serious temperamental issues, quite early on in the relationship. And these imminent and obvious red flags help us to avoid a glaring disaster. But there are some problems which are so subtle that we chose to ignore them when we are all enamored in the bliss of new love. If only Wendy was a little bit more discerning and caught early on to Jack’s drinking or temperament, little Danny wouldn’t have to fight the evil hotel on his own. But, fictional characters aside, there are certain things that you need to put your foot down about.
If your guy is not convincing about the following 4 points, do not waste any more time on him. Because you will regret it for sure.
1. A solid history of employment and a good job –
Anyone crying foul because they think it is sexist to expect a man to be the breadwinner of the family- let us finish first. This isn’t even about the money. Having an ability to be sincere about your job and be good at it, says a lot about someone’s personality. This has more to do with ‘whether he is able to make long-term commitments and honor them’ rather than ‘he needs to work hard because my expenses are wild’. A good work ethic is a sign that a man is ready to work through problems and doesn’t give up at the first sign of trouble. Things that make a man successful and appreciated at the workplace are also things that make him a good partner. Having said that, it also doesn’t mean that you don’t give him a chance to explain his current unemployment to you. You have to be intelligent and discerning enough to know when a man is working towards a higher goal and when he is just a no-good who keeps changing jobs.
2. He can cook and clean for himself –
Well, first of all, you definitely don’t need a guy who thinks he doesn’t need to know how to cook because he’s a guy. Every adult should know the basics or at least should be willing to learn. It might seem possible and lucrative to spend your life eating takeout, but it really isn’t. And cleaning up after themselves is simply what you’d expect from a decently hygienic human being. These are non-negotiable pointers that just tell you how much a person cares about their own health. And how much effort will they be willing to put in when you do live together. They don’t have to cook gourmet dishes every other day or even great food. Just something basic to get by. And a will to learn is definitely appreciated. If you are with someone who is constantly finding ways to wriggle out of laundry or dish duty, you might have a serious problem at hand.
3. They should be living on their own –
There is a difference between loving your family and being obsessed with them. If you think that it is cute that a guy is still living in his childhood home, you are in for a great surprise. You will definitely not enjoy how much a bummer it is when he ends up a date abruptly because he had to get back home to mom. This doesn’t mean that you have to go up and break his family. Just make sure he gives you as much importance individually he does his family. You shouldn’t always be the second option. The family is important no doubt, but that doesn’t mean that you play second fiddle to them. You should be able to talk to him about it and come to a healthy conclusion about this all that involves boundaries that don’t hurt anyone. However, if he still has to take permission from his mom to take you out on a date, you need to move on.
4. You should not be the sole purpose of his existence –
Couples who live for each other and do everything together might sound cute, but the only place they work is in fantasies. It is very unhealthy for a couple to have no sort of social life beyond each other. And while it is a good thing that both of you single well with each other’s set of friends, you need to have a life and identity of your own. You might be two individuals deeply in love, but at the end of the day, you are individuals. You need to have individual interests which will give you sometime away from each other. Doesn’t mean that he has to be out partying every weekend, just that he shouldn’t be latched on to you every moment possible and call it his deep and unquenchable love for you.
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