How To Find Strength Through Vulnerability In A Relationship

How Find Strength Through Vulnerability Relationship_

And it sets the foundation for a fulfilling and energized partnership, which is what I teach. Two people cannot have such a relationship if shadow dominates one or both.

I waited several days before sharing this down cycle with my partner. In part, because I did not want to burden her. But more so, because I was aware that the down cycle was for me.

It was a gift, to be nourished, space for me to be with myself. A bone to suck the marrow out of. A way for me to be in strong, empowered, healthy self-relationship.

Over the years, I’ve gotten more efficient with fear, anxiety, and depression. Many years ago, this would have lasted weeks, even months.

A lot of people think if you’re coaching others you should be immune to this. The truth is, no one is. It’s just how skillfully we manage it.

Read How To Be Yourself, Find Your Tribe And Let Go Of Social Anxiety

Finding strength through a vulnerability in relationship

“The strongest love is the love that can demonstrate its fragility.” -Paulo Coelho

Some of us must go into our own poisons to bring back medicine for others. That’s been my path – to enter a deeper layer of poison and medicine.

When I did share with my partner a few days later, she was honored that I trusted her to be seen this way – down, weak, vulnerable. She said I was strong in being weak. I understood and appreciated her words.

“It just hurts,” I said. And in her arms, I felt hard feelings. Trusting the storm. Sensing the sky would clear.

My partner and I often say to one another things like…

“I trust you to take care of yourself.
That makes me safer with you.
That deepens my trust with you.
I trust you to not disconnect from me when you disconnect from yourself.”

And this speaks to one of the greatest challenges I see in relationships. Partners disconnect from one another when things get tough. When they are going through hard times. Going it alone, weak, annoyed, even angry.

And in those moments, they lose one another. If only they knew that staying connected would deepen trust.

Staying connected starts withholding one’s self, not dividing with self. This is Sovereignty. This is a healthy, responsible self-relationship. It is the most powerful foundation for solid partnerships.

If I’m not connected to me, I can’t be connected to you.

I am grateful I came out of my dark spell. And yet I have no illusions it’s the last of it. But every day, my light grows brighter.

For a quick sovereign practice, check out below.

Read 10 Signs To Know That You Are Being True To Yourself

SOVEREIGN PRACTICE: Befriending Fear to Not Self-Divide

“Vulnerability is the birthplace of innovation, creativity and change.” – Brene Brown

Take a moment alone. Sit somewhere quiet. Take a deep breath.

When you’re ready, think about something in your life right now that you fear. Maybe it’s money or a relationship. Maybe it’s about a lack of or a not having. Feel it for a moment. Notice what happens to you.

Do you judge yourself?
Do you leave yourself?
In this space, could you be available for your partner or a friend?

Now take a breath. Leave thoughts and stories and feel the physical sensations. Feel the sensation of fear as a shape, a color even. Now breathe through sensation – from head to groin and back up, and again, and again. Take five deep breaths this way. Notice what happens.

A calming maybe. A place to get back to yourself. Stay with that. Come home to yourself.

Note: If when doing this, greater fear comes up, even terror, then take time away and try again another time, when and if ready.

Here’s an interesting video that will shed some more light on the power of vulnerability:

Emerge, don’t drown

“There are darknesses in life and there are lights, and you are one of the lights, the light of all lights.” – Bram Stoker

Darkness can be scary. Especially when you are stuck in this dark place without any hope of ever getting out. But that’s exactly when you need to look deep inside and find the light that makes you, you.

You have to find the strength to stand up when you most need to. You have to allow your partner to step into that darkness and guide you towards the light.

You need to accept all the love you receive from your partner and ignite the light inside and shine your brightest.

That is how you fight the darkness. That is how you get stronger. That is how you strengthen your relationship.


Written by Stuart Motola
Originally appeared in Stuart Motola
Republished with permission

Finding Light In Darkness: How Vulnerability Strengthens Relationships
How Vulnerability Strengthens Relationships
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How To Find Strength Through Vulnerability In A Relationship
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Stuart Motola

Stuart Motola specializes in helping individuals and couples attract and maintain a fulfilling partnership. He helps individuals attract who they seek (i.e. date more effectively), kill the voice of desperation and aloneness, and know the difference between a love that makes you big versus a love that makes you small. He teaches couples how to repair after conflict, cut unconscious cycles of projection and blame, communicate more responsibly, and to take risks to reignite passion and aliveness. Stuart has shared his expertise as a coach, author, speaker, and facilitator throughout the world and wrote the #1 Amazon best-selling book “Fixing You Is Killing Me: A Conscious Roadmap To Knowing When To Save And When To Leave Your Relationship.”View Author posts