Can Hiding Hard Feelings Affect Your Relationship?

 / 

, ,
can hiding hard feelings affect your relationship

Hiding Hard Feelings & How It Affects Your Relationship

A healthy dose of self-love will enrich your relationship with your partner and yourself.

However, this is the last thing we expect to hear when we want to know how we can build an intimate, trusting, passionate and thriving relationship with our partner.

In our pursuit to feel loved and complete and to help us heal and fix our inner emotional wounds, we keep looking for the perfect partner. And in this quest to seek validation, we ultimately stop being our true self – our core vulnerable- shadow self and start hiding our hard feelings

Read What Emotion Is Your Subconscious Hiding?

In this article Dr Stuart Motola, talks about how hiding hard feelings might effect our relationships.

The effect of fear & insecurity

“Love yourself instead of abusing yourself.” – Karolina Kurkova

First, thanks to those who reached out to me last week. I shared a vulnerable post and an outpouring of support, trust, and connection came my way.

A few people asked me, “Are you ok? I am here for you.”
Others said, “Thanks for sharing. This really helped me during a hard time.”
And some said, “You’re really brave.”

It touched me. And it got me wondering, why was a simple sharing of the heart so poignant for people? Is it uncommon in daily life? Are we so disconnected from our hearts?

In my experience, the answer is yes. And most challenging of all is when we hide our heart where it matters most – in our most intimate relationship with our primary partner.

We experience disconnection, loneliness, and a hunger for intimacy in a relationship.

And yet when we open our hearts, our partner opens to us. But we must have the courage to act first. Still, often we don’t.

We fear being seen, weak, vulnerable, and scariest of all, rejected. It happens when in response to sharing, we hear…

  • You’ll be fine, honey.
  • Just get over it.
  • It will pass.

Then, we feel even more alone. Did he even hear me? Does she care? We wonder. We feel invisible in a most tender and sensitive moment. It’s too much. It really hurts.

But I want to challenge you. So what if it hurts? Will it kill you? Is it worth keeping your heart locked up?

For some people, the answer is yes, without even knowing it; it’s unconscious.

Closing your heart is self-betrayal

We lock our hearts away to stay safe and ironically, it makes us less safe. And over time, we lose one another.

“There are parts of our personal story that are top secret. They are off-limits; we do not dare reveal them to anyone.

All this holding back makes us believe that our partner also has no further mysteries to reveal. At this point, Eros begins to recoil.”
– Prem Baba, From Suffering to Joy: The Path of The Heart

Eros, that exotic part of us that is deeply curious about our partner. When it’s gone, we suffer. Vital parts of us die. The spark of relationship simmers out.

Simply said, the locking up of one’s heart is a form of self-betrayal and self-abandonment. It’s as if you’re saying to yourself, I’m not worthy of being loved; not worthy of being seen; not worthy of connection.

So then, how do you keep your heart open in the relationship?
Without the fear of burdening your partner?
Without the fear of being weak?

The answer has to do with you, more than your partner. And it looks like this… cultivate healthy self-relationship… experience your own heart.

Sit with the parts of you (fear, hope, loss, judgment, etc) that you resist sharing with your partner. Work with those parts. Connect with yourself.

Read 9 Steps That’ll Help You Love Yourself Better

Meet yourself, meet happiness

“A man who loves himself takes the first step towards real love.” – Osho

As I said in my post last week, if I’m not connected to me, I can’t be connected to you. It’s that simple.

Healthy self-relationship is the foundation for a heartfelt, energized, and fulfilling partner relationship. When we practice it, we learn to open our heart to our self and our partner – without fear of judgment.

When you commit to being in a healthy self-relationship, you’re saying, Self meet the self. We’re in this for the long haul. We better get to know each other.

It empowers you to approach your beloved in a responsible way – with a tender heart, stripped of projection or blame, and a courageous sense of vulnerability.

“Babe, I’ve been in a lot of fear lately. I want to talk to you. And yet I’m afraid you might not be open to hearing me. Can I share what’s been going on with me?

“I feel like we’ve been losing one another lately. I want to feel closer to you.”

Notice all the “I” statements. Very few “you” statements or accusations.

Self-responsibility is sexy. You’re in your sovereign, building integrity with your desires and needs – and creating authentic, empowered, and energized relationship with your partner.

And your partner feels it. She or he can relax, feel connected to you, and trust you to stay connected, even when you disconnect from yourself.

Self-love your way to a better relationship

“To love oneself is the beginning of a life-long romance.” – Oscar Wilde

Self-love is the core foundation for a fulfilling relationship which makes you feel loved and secure with your partner.

The love that you’ve been seeking all your life to heal your emotional wounds will always come from inside you. No amount of love from your significant other can satiate your need for that love unless you love yourself.

It is only by receiving and giving love to yourself, you can share that love with your partner and receive the love they have for you and be grateful for it.

Self-love makes you feel confident, secure, self-reliant and positive. It makes you experience higher vibrations and enables you to build a meaningful, healthy and happy relationship with your special person. With so much positive energy flowing in, you not only focus on keeping yourself happy, but keeping your partner happy as well.

Read How Applying The 5 Love Languages To Self-Love Can Help You Thrive

Here you can check out a beautiful video on loving yourself intentionally:


Written by Stuart Motola
Originally appeared in Stuart Motola

can hiding hard feelings affect your relationship pin
Can Hiding Hard Feelings Affect Your Relationship?

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply



Up Next

5 Powerful Benefits of Imaginative Thinking

Imaginative Thinking: Powerful Benefits Of Imagination

The benefits of imaginative thinking are unending to be honest. However, in this article we are going to explore five of the most interesting and powerful benefits of imagination and imaginative thinking.

KEY POINTS

Imagination is a fundamental aspect of human life.

Imagination enables one to look beyond the world as it is.

Imagination helps create different lenses through which to see the world.

Our



Up Next

What Kind Of Angry Are You? The 4 Types Of Anger

The Types Of Anger: What Kind Of An Angry Person Are You?

Everyone gets angry at some point, and anger is probably one of the most common emotions we feel. But did you know there are different types of anger, namely, 4 types of anger? This article is going to talk about the different types of anger and how they look like. So, what is your anger style? Let’s find out!

Anger may rear its emotional head in irritation and annoyance, self-pity and withdrawal, envy and resentment, or vengeance and violence. Our anger may fill the room with dominance or veil itself in anxiety or avoidance.

Those who internalize anger may question whether they have the right to be angry and avoid direct confrontation. They stuff their anger down to prevent offending, being disliked, or losing control.

Those who externalize anger resort to blaming, shaming, and engage i



Up Next

10 Signs You Are Wise Beyond Your Years

Signs You Are Wise Beyond Your Years

Are you often told by close ones that you’re an old soul? You know, the ones who always have a nugget of wisdom to drop, even though you never try too hard to portray yourself as intelligent? If so, you might just be wise beyond your years.

In a world where we often correlate age with experience, there are quite a few people who possess an innate depth of understanding that defies their age. It’s like they know more than they should, and they have an otherworldly aura to them.

So, if you’ve ever been told you’re an old soul trapped in a young body or if you just have a knack for offering sage advice, you’ve come to the right place, my friend. This article is going to look at the signs you are wise beyond your years.



Up Next

50+ Deep Self Reflection Questions For Personal Growth

Deep Self Reflection Questions For Personal Growth

Are you ready for some deep self reflection about growth? Well, you’ve come to the right place! Self reflection questions are like little nuggets of wisdom that can help you uncover and understand your true self, aid in your personal growth, and make sense of this crazy journey called life.

Whether you’re looking to understand yourself more deeply, set new goals, or simply gain clarity, these self reflection questions are going to serve as your trusty companions. So grab a cozy spot, maybe a cup of tea, and get ready to dive into the depths of your mind, and do some much-needed self reflection about growth.

Related: 40 Deep Questions To Ask I



Up Next

Pure Soul Meaning: 12 Signs Of A Pure Soul That You Absolutely Need To Know About

Pure Soul Meaning And Signs Of A Person With Pure Soul

Have you ever met someone who is truly and genuinely a good person? Someone who is kind, compassionate, calm, and loves people unconditionally? Then you’ve just met a “pure soul.” But what is pure soul meaning?

People who have a pure soul often possess a certain quality that sets them apart from the rest, captivating us with their genuine kindness and warmth. Their presence seems to illuminate the room and touch the hearts of those around them. But what does it truly mean to have a pure soul? 

Today, we embark on a captivating journey to unravel the depths of its meaning. Join us as we explore the signs and characteristics that define these remarkable beings.

What is a Pure Soul?



Up Next

12 Signs Of A High Vibration Person And How To Raise Your Vibrations

The Vibe Tribe: Signs Of A High Vibration Person

Ever met someone who effortlessly radiates positivity? Someone who always attracts good things easily? Someone who makes you smile, uplifts, and inspires you no matter the circumstance? Then you have just met a high vibration person. But what exactly sets these individuals apart? Let’s explore the signs of a high vibration person.

Today, we will find out what is a high vibration person, delve into the signs that indicate a high vibration, and discover how to raise your vibrations effectively. So, let’s embark on this journey of self-discovery and learn how to align ourselves with a higher frequency of positivity and abundance.

What is a High Vibration Person?

Before we dive into the signs of a high vibration pe



Up Next

How To Stop A Racing Mind: 7 Techniques For Mastering Mental Turbulence

How To Stop A Racing Mind: Ways To Tame A Racing Mind

Ever found yourself lying in bed, desperately trying to sleep after a long, tiring day, but your mind refuses to do so? It feels like your mind is racing like a Formula 1 car on caffeine. Don’t worry, we’ve all been there! That relentless stream of thoughts can feel overwhelming, leaving you feeling restless and exhausted. So, how to stop a racing mind?

In this article, we’ll talk about the meaning of racing thoughts and how to calm a busy mind. Let’s explore the seven best ways to stop your mind from racing, and discover the blissful art of finding your inner calm amidst all the chaos.

First, let’s talk about the meaning of racing thoughts.

Related: