Why You Keep Falling For Emotionally Unavailable Men: 6 Reasons


, ,
Why You Keep Falling For Emotionally Unavailable Men: 6 Reasons

“Why do I fall for emotionally unavailable guys?”. If this thought has ever crossed your mind, then it’s important to understand the reasons you fall for emotionally unavailable men. This can help you work on yourself and be in a healthy and happy relationship and one you truly deserve. Let’s see why you keep falling for emotionally unavailable men.

It’s time to figure out why you keep choosing unavailable men and find real love instead.

You definitely did not set out to fall in love with an emotionally unavailable man, but here you are once again.

You’re likely reliable, caring, and compassionate — not willing to simply give up on your guy so easily! Plus, if you are in love, it’s even harder to see reality. You stay too long trying to “change” them, or you leave them only to trade him for another guy with the same problem.

When you find yourself chasing and choosing men who can’t commit or continually put up barriers to intimacy, it’s frustrating, unfulfilling, and at times downright painful.

No matter how hard you try to avoid it, you keep dating or winding up in relationships with emotionally distant men — and you begin to doubt yourself and your ability to judge a “good guy.”

You may realize you have a self-sabotaging pattern with attracting and dating these types of emotionally unavailable men, but you don’t know why.

Understanding the underlying reasons you keep falling for emotionally unavailable men can help you address them, so you can find the emotionally open relationship you deserve.

Here are 6 self-sabotaging reasons you keep falling for emotionally unavailable men (and how to stop it from happening again).

Related: Are You Attracted To Unavailable People? 12 Signs of An Emotionally Unavailable Partner

6 Reasons You Keep Falling For Emotionally Unavailable Men

1. You are the intimacy avoider — not him.

This reason may seem ludicrous! Here you are making such an effort to engage your partner in a deep and meaningful relationship. However, you might really be purposely picking someone not capable of real love as a way of self-protection.

You may just be getting the “sensation” of being in love without real risk. These relationships don’t have a lot of depth or vulnerability. You don’t have to know your partner on a deeper level, and he doesn’t get to know you, either.

You satisfy your longing for connection along with your need to protect yourself. Remaining fixated on someone who doesn’t show genuine love for you allows you to feel the intensity and passion involved in a relationship without eventual commitment.

Why do you keep falling for emotionally unavailable men?
The reason why you keep falling for emotionally unavailable men

2. You’re drawn to drama.

You are addicted to “the chase” or the chaotic nature of a relationship. The fantasy of the relationship’s potential has become more important than its reality. After the peak of this type of relationship, you can be brought down to a sobering sense of reality.

The allure fades, and mundane life sets in again. The appeal of one-sided love prolongs the pursuit, so you do not have to face the anticlimactic sense of coming down from the romantic high. It stimulates high drama, providing the ideal antidote to any boredom that may be lurking around in other areas of your life.

Peacefulness, calmness, and predictability are viewed as boring.

3. You’re stuck in the past.

A concept called “repetition compulsion” is “… a psychological phenomenon in which a person repeats an event or its circumstances over and over again. This includes reenacting the event or putting oneself in situations where the event is likely to happen again.”

This means you’re subconsciously repeating past experiences throughout your life in an attempt to rewrite history. The intention, whether you’re aware of it or not, is to finally work through the traumatic situation.

As you probably guessed, it is often the parent/child relationship you’re attempting to resolve. Ask yourself if you are trying to get your unmet childhood need for love, safety, and affection onto men who can’t give it, therefore, re-creating a painful dynamic.

Related: 8 Dangers of Dating an Emotionally Unavailable Person

4. You have trouble being alone.

If you have a lot of difficulty being alone, you will go to great lengths to avoid it. Somebody is better than nobody. Being physically alone readily creates a feeling of loneliness for you, and the feeling of loneliness is dreadful.

When this happens, you may end up with unsuitable partners, or you may stay too long with the wrong one. You might go overboard trying to please your man or mold yourself into what he wants you to be so that he won’t ever leave.

This fear of loneliness is a surefire way to tolerate bad behavior in romantic partners.

5. You believe your love will “fix” him.

When you think your love will be the cure to your partner’s reasons for being emotionally unavailable, you are pouring your heart and soul into a fantasy.

You will never be fulfilled in these relationships with incapable men. Believing you have the power to change someone through “love,” or any other means, for that matter, is not going to help you.

This often plays out with you trying to control the uncontrollable or over-functioning in the relationship.

When you keep falling for emotionally unavailable men

6. You feel bad about yourself.

When you have low self-esteem, you feel a lack of confidence, unworthiness, incapability, or incompetence. You may even feel unlovable or that you deserve to be treated poorly. Ironically, feeling this way about yourself may actually cause your continued poor self-esteem.

You will make life choices, including relationship choices, that come from this negative self-concept. You may not be attracting the wrong men, but because you don’t value yourself, you are readily accepting the wrong men into your life.

Many of these self-sabotaging explanations operate at an unconscious level. Taking the focus off of blaming him for being emotionally available and instead focusing on self-reflection is a crucial first step in stopping the endless cycle of emotionally empty and disconnected relationships.

Related: Why You Attract Emotionally Unavailable Men: 6 Dating Mistakes

Once you have clarity about what is happening and why you keep dating emotionally available men, you can begin the process of changing it. You deserve real and reciprocated love from an emotionally present partner and shouldn’t settle for less!

Dr. Marni Feuerman* is a licensed psychotherapist and author of Ghosted and Breadcrumbed: Stop Falling for Unavailable Men and Get Smart about Healthy Relationships available on Amazon and everywhere else books are sold.

Do you think you are dating someone who is emotionally unavailable? Grab my FREE checklist to find out! for sure!

Written By Dr. Marni Feuerman
Originally Appeared On Dr. Marni Online
why you keep choosing unavailable men

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

The Fascination Of Mismatched Partnerships: What Happens When We Date Out Of Our League

What Happens When We Date Out of Our League: Mismatched Partners

What happens when we date out of our league? Is dating out of our league an exception or a norm? Let’s find out more about what it means when we date out of our league and how important equality in romantic relationships are. 

Key Points:

Desiring superior potential partners, who are about 25 percent more desirable than how we see ourselves, is the norm.

Revising the importance of personal characteristics and reevaluating the disparity between partners helps reduce inequality between them.

Significant gaps between romantic partners are toxic, while small gaps can be

Up Next

What Is A Love And Hate Relationship? Understanding The Complexities Of Intense Emotions

What Is A Love And Hate Relationship? Navigating Complex Relationships

Are you stuck in a relationship with someone where you love and hate them at the same time? Feeling love and hate for the same person can unnecessarily complicate a relationship. But what is a love and hate relationship?

Let us explore what does a love hate relationship mean, why people have them, and how to navigate this complicated emotional terrain. 

What is a love and hate relationship?

Love and hate are two of the most powerful emotions that humans can experience. When these two intense feelings col

Up Next

The Way You Save Contacts Speaks Volumes About Your Love Life

The Way You Save Contacts Reveals Your Love Life: 6 Results

Curious minds, gather ’round! The way you save contacts in your phone holds the key to the secrets of your love life. Brace yourselves for a revealing journey through the world of your contact saving style!

From fancy pseudonyms to hilarious emojis, quirky nicknames, and the cryptic context in brackets, why on earth do we have these bonkers rules for saving numbers on our beloved phones? It’s like we’re all secret agents operating undercover in the world of contacts.

You see, some individuals prefer full names as contacts – simple, methodical, and oh-so-professional. But once you cross that threshold of friendship, oh boy, things get spicy! That’s when the magic begins and your phone t

Up Next

How To Be An Alpha Male In A Relationship – 10 Ways To Ace It

How To Be An Alpha Male In A Relationship? 10 Best Tips

Step up your game and redefine how to be an alpha male in a relationship. Explore these 10 game-changing tips for some healthy masculine energy!

Over the years, I have observed many relationships, and dating alpha males can be challenging. While powerful and dominant men may seem attractive, the line between alpha behavior and outright toxicity is fine.

In this article, I’ll dive deeper into these concepts and share some key signs to look out for and avoid.

What Is An Alpha Male in a Relationship?

Up Next

The Problem With Playing Hard To Get And The Benefits Of An “In Due Course” Relationship

The Problem With Playing Hard To Get & In Due Course Approach

So you’ve probably heard about the whole playing hard to get thing when it comes to dating, right? But does playing hard to get work? What is the problem with playing hard to get? Let’s dive into why this tactic isn’t as foolproof as it might appear.

Key Points

The point of playing hard to get is that if we force our partner to make an effort over time, it will make them want us more.

The main problem of playing hard to get is its deceptive and manipulative nature, which prevents us from being who we really are.

The “in-due-course” approach is more optimal because it

Up Next

What Attracts A Pisces Man? 10 Irresistible Qualities He Seeks In A Woman

What Attracts A Pisces Man? 10 Qualities He Seeks in a Woman

Ah, the enchanting Pisces man. Known for their dreamy and imaginative nature, these water signs possess an allure that can captivate the hearts of many. If you’ve found yourself smitten by a Pisces man, you might be wondering what it is that truly attracts him. So, what attracts a Pisces man?

Fear not, for we’re here to unlock the secrets and reveal the ten irresistible qualities that can make a Pisces man weak in the knees. So, grab a cup of tea, get cozy, and let’s dive into the romantic realm of the Pisces man.


Up Next

5 Reasons Men Pull Away Or Ghost You When Dating

5 Reasons Men Pull Away Or Ghost You When Dating

Have you ever been ghosted by a guy who you thought was going to be “The One”? Someone who seemed to be really into you? Have you ever wondered why men ghost you? Let’s explore the reasons men pull away and why men pull away after getting close to you.

There’s usually a reason why men pull away just when things seem to be going well.

If you’ve been in the dating scene a while, you know what it’s like to be “ghosted.”

What is “ghosting?” It’s when things seem to be going great with your new date and then they suddenly disappear without a trace — and ghosting happens enough that it has earned its

AI Chatbot Avatar
⚠️ Liza is in training with WMHA and may not always provide the most accurate information.