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Are You Attracted To Unavailable People? 12 Signs of An Emotionally Unavailable Partner

Signs Emotionally Unavailable Partner

The pull and push nature of the emotionally unavailable people is frustrating, not to mention hurtful. This is when you should take out some time to check out if the other person in your relationship exhibits any of the classic signs of an emotionally unavailable partner.

In my books, The Empath’s Survival Guide and The Power of Surrender, I discuss how to identify unavailable people. A soul mate must be willing and available to have a relationship with you. If he or she is unavailable this is not your soul mate at the present time.

A confusing part of being attracted to unavailable, commitment-phobic people is that the emotional or sexual chemistry can feel so strong. You accept behavior that you’d never tolerate in friends. Why? The electricity can feel so incredible and rare, you mistake intensity for intimacy.

You make compromises you wouldn’t typically consider in order to give the relationship a chance. Still, connection or not, you must take a sober look to determine if someone is truly available for intimacy.

Hear this: Not everyone you feel a connection with, no matter how mind-blowing, is your soul mate. You can fall for someone who is totally wrong for you, as unfair and confounding as that reality can be.

For a relationship to work, a soul connection must go both ways. Even if the intuitive bond you feel is authentic, it can remain unrealized. Just because someone might’ve been your soul mate in previous eras, it doesn’t mean he or she is right for you today. Perhaps the person can’t or won’t reciprocate or is simply oblivious, a frustrating irony you must accept.

Read: 4 Signs You’ve Made A True Soul Connection With Your Partner

Signs of An Emotionally Unavailable Partner
Signs of An Emotionally Unavailable Partner

Don’t put your life on hold for unrequited longing. Love that is destined can never be stopped. Meanwhile, keep your options open. How do you avoid getting entangled in dead-end or delusional relationships where you see someone in terms of how you wish them to be, not who they are?

Here are some classic signs of an emotionally unavailable partner

To start, here are some red flags to watch for. Even one sign warns you to be careful. The more that are present, the more danger exists. 12 Signs You’re Involved with Emotionally Unavailable People (EUP)

Signs of Emotionally Unavailable Partner
Are You Attracted To Unavailable People? 12 Signs of An Emotionally Unavailable Partner
  1. They are married or in a relationship with someone else
  2. They can’t commit to you or have feared commitment in past relationships
  3. They have one foot on the gas pedal, one foot on the break
  4. They are emotionally distant, shut down, or can’t deal with conflict
  5. They’re mainly interested in sex, not relating emotionally or spiritually
  6. They are practicing alcoholics, sex addicts, or substance abusers
  7. They prefer long-distance relationships, emails, texting, or don’t introduce you to their friends and family
  8. They are elusive, sneaky, frequently working or tired, and may disappear for periods
  9. They are seductive with you but make empty promises–their behavior and words don’t match
  10. They send mixed messages, flirt with others, or don’t give a straight answer–you’re always trying to “de-code” what they really mean
  11. They’re narcissistic, only consider themselves, not your needs
  12. They throw you emotional crumbs or enticing hints of their potential to be loving, then withdraw
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Dr. Judith Orloff

Judith Orloff, MD is the New York Times best-selling author of The Empath’s Survival Guide: Life Strategies for Sensitive People. Her new book Thriving as an Empath offers daily self-care tools for sensitive people along with its companion The Empath’s Empowerment Journal. Dr. Orloff is a psychiatrist, an empath, and is on the UCLA Psychiatric Clinical Faculty. She synthesizes the pearls of traditional medicine with cutting edge knowledge of intuition, energy, and spirituality. Dr. Orloff also specializes in treating highly sensitive, empathic people in her private practice. Dr. Orloff’s work has been featured on The Today Show, CNN, Oprah Magazine, the New York Times. Dr. Orloff has spoken at Google-LA and has a popular TEDX talk. Her other books are Thriving as an Empath: 365 Days of Self-Care for Sensitive People, The Empowered Empath’s Journal, Emotional Freedom and Guide to Intuitive Healing. Explore more information about her Empath Support Online course and speaking schedule on View Author posts