Whether you have been together for years or for months, breaking up is not easy. Sometime’s letting go seems like a reasonable solution when a ‘forever’ goal is difficult to achieve. But do you know what’s the tough part after the breakup? Well, it’s how to make the breakup last, especially when you find it hard to move on.
Do you know that, finally, you are breaking up for good?
After all the ups and downs, the pain and the tears, do you know that your relationship is over and that it’s time to move on?
Are you determined and ready to move forward but not sure how to make it stick because it hasn’t so many times before?
There are ways to make it stick this time so that this time, breaking up for good, is actually breaking up for good!!
1. Go No Contact RIGHT AWAY.
There is nothing more tempting when you are missing an ex than to stalk him or her.
Unfortunately, these days there are so many ways to keep tabs on ex-social media that have made it all so easy. And keeping tabs on a makes them makes it really hard to let go and move on.
I know that it doesn’t seem like that big of a deal, to take a quick peek at your ex’s feed, but you know, as well as I do, that there is a chance you could see something on there that you just don’t want to see. Perhaps him out there, having fun without you, doing something that you used to do together, or even doing it with someone else. And seeing any or all of those things could send you into a tailspin.
So, eliminate all ties to your loved one on social media. Block him on your phone. Don’t ask your mutual friends about what he is doing. Tell yourself that he has moved to Mars and that you will never see him again. It might be one of the hardest things you will ever have to do but you will be glad you did.
2. Take Stock.
One of the first things I tell all of my clients when they are breaking up for good and hoping to make it stick is to take stock of the reasons that their relationship wasn’t working. To take stock of all of the reasons why they needed to walk away from that person, the things that they knew weren’t working, the reasons why they might have been broken up with.
When we spend time with someone, we are regularly exposed to those things that remind us that we need to walk away. When we finally get away from that person, those things tend to recede in our memory. They get replaced in the forefront of our mind with the good things, the good times, all the things that we loved about that person.
And, with the good things at the front of our minds, we are vulnerable to returning to the relationship that is caused us pain. Or at the very least to start stalking them, which will only send you back to square one.
So, make a list. Make a list of everything that you can think of that caused the breakup. Perhaps he would disappear for hours, only to reappear with some flimsy excuse. Perhaps she treated you with contempt in front of your friends. Perhaps he was verbally abusive. Perhaps he would never leave his wife.
There are probably many of them if this relationship is over. This list will also do the job of making you realize that the ‘rug wasn’t pulled out from under you,’ that the breakup wasn’t exactly ‘out of the blue.’