One of the biggest complaints that women have about men when it comes to dating and relationships, is men’s fear of commitment. We’re quick to label this or that man as a ‘commitment-phobe’, yet rarely do we stop to look inside and wonder if the man is just reflecting a deep-seated fear of commitment within ourselves…
In fact, nobody is immune to fear of commitment: male or female, young or old, single, dating, or even married for years!
Facing My Own Fear Of Commitment
You see, when I was young, my very first idea of love was borrowed directly from the movies and romantic novels.
I thought love feels ELECTRIC, exciting, there’s a sense of unmet longing and desire for each other, an emotion unmatched and unparalleled by any other.
When I was 21, I said I wanted to be married, I wanted forever commitment and to grow old with one man, if I could have it my way.
And oh God, the Universe does deliver.
In fact, when I did this inner work I taught you lovely ladies today, my romantic world did turn around rather fast…
From feeling chronically single and insecure, within months, I had handsome bankers and lawyers chasing me down for my attention, something I had NEVER experienced before this work… and which my clients get to experience all the time too.
But it wasn’t until my husband Chris proposed to me and ‘sh*t got real, so to speak, that I started to get cold feet.
I went through a big-style fear of commitment myself after my own engagement with hubby Chris!!!
Here are the voices of my personal fear of commitment:
“How do you spend your WHOLE life with one person?”
“Isn’t that too much pressure for success on both partners?”
“Don’t you fall out of love?”
“Does the sex get dry?”
“Don’t you get bored of each other?”
“What if you grow in different directions?”
“What if he is hiding something that you don’t know about?”
“What if he cheats or falls out of love?”
“Is the engagement too quick?” (Chris proposed to me 9 months into dating)
Blah Blah Blah….
Maybe you can relate.
After all, at a heart level, we all have similar fears.
We’re all afraid of vulnerability, rejection, disappointment, realizing that life and love and marriage aren’t as glorified as we thought they were.
And we all long for that connection, glory and unfailing love…
So here’s what I have to share with you, and what helped me handle my screaming demons and soothe my own anxious heart…
4 Mantras To Heal Your Fear Of Commitment
1. “Forever is just a string of present moments strung together.”
When you think about ‘forever’ as one big entity, it can be intimidating.
It can feel burdensome.
It can evoke fear, disillusionment, skepticism and make you want to run away vs. commit – “Can I even make it, Sami?”
However, if you start to see your relationship, your marriage (heck even your dates with the men you’re seeing!), as a moment-to-moment thing, without even knowing, you will create a happy forever…
Yes, this is the magic of the relationships that last.
They commit to a forever, but they don’t carry the burden of that idea daily on their shoulders.
They live in the moment.
They make the most of it.
They do their best in that moment, and in the next, knowing that is the only thing they have and they CAN control.
I know this is how Chris and I do it, each day at a time, bringing our best to the table and making the most of what we share.