Becoming more attractive as a man isn’t really that much of hard work, but it isn’t that easy either. You need to be committed and dedicated to become a better version of yourself if you wish to be a truly attractive man.
You know what I’m really tired of?
Articles that promise the fastest, easiest, lowest-barrier-to-entry bullshit tips on how men can improve themselves.
Since when are we all after the quick and easy silver bullet? Have we collectively become that lazy as a society that we’re all perpetually salivating over shortcuts?
Well, today I’m going to deep dive into eleven proven methods that will make you not only more attractive as a man, but that will also make you into the kind of man who can get into and maintain a relationship with an equally high-value partner whenever you desire.
If you’re someone who loves using the word ‘triggered’ or you’re allergic to hard truths, I’d recommend you stop reading now.
Is It Possible To Become More Attractive?
I was on a coaching call the other week with a man who asked me this very valid question. Before we dive into how to become more attractive, it bears a moment of reflection to ask ourselves if we even believe that altering our attractiveness is even possible.
Generally, if someone has this question on their mind, one of two things is occurring.
1. They have experienced a healthy amount of pain and anguish around having not felt like a sexually viable partner to people who they wanted in the past, or
2. This question is being asked from a place of laziness and fear of stepping into hard work.
If the former is the case, this is totally understandable. If it feels like the game is rigged, that’s going to be more challenging to want to try to play the game again.
There’s a study I often think of in relation to cases like this wherein there was a dog who was presented with three paw-powered levers.
One lever produced a small edible treat, the other two levers were neutral and produced no result.
In this instance, the dog would essentially play forever and keep getting treats (which is essentially what a human playing a slot machine is like).
But when one of the two neutral levers was switched so that it became a punishment (a small electric shock), the scientists found that the dog would simply stop playing the game altogether, lie down on the ground, and become despondent.
So that’s the first point. If you’ve experienced pain in the past when it came to the meeting and attracting partners, then it’s going to be difficult to want to engage self-improvement. I have compassion for this. It isn’t an easy stuff. Your ego wants you to maintain the status quo at all costs, and your higher mind is challenging you to step forward and risk getting hurt again. Ultimately, this is difficult but necessary work.
On to the second point.
Some men ask the ‘is it even possible to become more attractive?’ question from a place of laziness. But why? What’s the secondary payoff of this?
Similar to the despondent dog analogy, this question is being asked from a place of avoiding pain in life.
The mind knows that if you accept the fact that “It is possible to increase my desirability as a partner in life” then the next step is to take action. And action requires effort. And the effort is hard. Harder than sitting around all day, eating nachos, and playing video games (I mean, hey, unless you’re a pro gamer, in which case fuck yeah, keep up the hustle my dude).
In short, just like any public company can become more valuable and trade for higher stock prices… and any product on the market can reiterate and improve itself… and an old beaten up car rusting away in someone’s backyard can receive a ton of TLC and become functional, street-legal, and even sexy… anyone can improve with enough dedication and will.
So, What Are You Up Against Really?
In a word: Entropy.
You are always battling entropy in life.
Everything in your life, in left unattended, will decay into a state of disorder, chaos, and ruin.
I don’t say this to be dramatic, but to be realistic.
If you don’t feed yourself at all, eventually you will die.
If you don’t exercise your body at all, eventually it will cramp up, retaliate, and turn on you in progressively loud and obvious ways.
If you don’t add any value to the world (via your contributions, your character, your attitude, etc.) and you are constantly leaching energy from those around you, eventually this strategy will make your world small, limited, and miserable.
So you are always battling entropy.
You are battling the part of your mind that wants to do ABSOLUTELY NOTHING AT ALL.
And ultimately this laziness is really just a fear of life.
You are afraid to take up space… to put in the work… to be your biggest, baddest, boldest self. Because once you define goals, you can fail at them. When you define conditions for success, you can not achieve those and feel like a failure. So better to just sit back and do fuck all with your life, right? Wrong.
This is your life, and it is ending one day at a time.
Are you going to become bitter, or are you going to become better?
As always, the choice is yours alone. Because no one is coming to save you and do the work for you.
Can We Become More Attractive To Everyone?
No. Nor would you want to.
While it is absolutely possible to become more attractive, the point isn’t to become more attractive to the entire marketplace (i.e. the entirety of the gender that you’re looking to be in relationship with) but, more accurately, you want to become more attractive to a specific niche within that market that you resonate with.
To continue with the business analogy, there are very few products on the market that appeal to absolutely everyone. But there are millions of products that are wildly attractive and valuable to a certain subset of the market who are meant to use/consume those products.
For example, an iPhone could be useless to someone who lives off of the grid, doesn’t like using electricity for any reason, and wants to live a life of isolation… but wildly useful to a 28-year-old graphic designer who lives in San Fransisco and runs their own business.
So value is always relative.
Alright, enough pre-amble.
If at this point, you feel resentful of the mirror that I have held up to you, then it’s best you turn back now and go back into your mom’s basement.
If you’re ready to do the work and make something more of yourself, then here we go. From the superficial to the deep inner work, we’ll cover the whole spectrum in this beast of a guide.
Here are the eleven highest leverage ways you can become a more attractive man to the type of partner you’re looking to attract.
11 Psychological Hacks For Men To Become More Attractive
1. Improve your body
Putting effort into your physical fitness is less about looking jacked and having six pack abs than it is about what it says about your relationship to yourself overall.
If you put energy into how your body functions and operates, then any potential romantic partner that might be sussing you out can accurately trust that you are a man who is willing to take care of himself and attend to his own needs.
When asked what the #1 piece of business advice he would give to young entrepreneurs would be, Sir Richard Branson simply said, “Work out.” Because, to paraphrase his words, if you’re looking to build a world-class business, it is absolutely imperative that you give love and attention to this fancy little meat sack that carries you through life. Without health, nothing else matters. It is on the first rung of Maslow’s hierarchy of needs for a reason.
Personally, over the last year, I have been working out with a personal trainer (for weightlifting) twice per week, a gymnastics coach (primarily to learn how to backflip/do basic tumbling), and I have done at-home workouts (with resistance bands and a kettlebell) also on a weekly basis. The positive changes that I have experienced in my mind, my sleep, and my sex drive are massively apparent.
You don’t need to go to the gym and do resistance training in order to train your body. Trail running, dance classes, yoga, cycling, whatever. Simply pick up any physically active hobby that you love doing, and do it.
Put work into improving your physical fitness, not from a place of getting swole, but from a place of self-honoring and self-love.
Your sense of groundedness, mental and emotional health, and sex life will all improve exponentially if you truly make your body a priority.