7 Ways to Cultivate Love in Your Life and Become Happier

 / 

, ,
cultivate love in your life 1

In order to have love and compassion for others and the world, we must offer deep appreciation and connectedness to ourselves. True happiness starts within yourself. To cultivate love and happiness , you need to practice self-love. How to cultivate love in your life? 

Most of us seek someone to love or to love us. We don’t think about cultivating self-love or realize that love originates within.

You may be seeking a relationship, but research suggests that singles are actually happier than married people, with the exception of happily married people. But even that dwindles over time.

Related: 7 Mental Habits of Women Who Are Always Happy

Self-Esteem

A new study shows that on average, after the first year, spouses return to their baseline state of happiness prior to the marriage. Thus, similar to the conclusions reached in the studies done on lottery winners, after marriage and after winning, we eventually return to how happy we are as individuals.

Thus, our self-esteem matters. Research has well-established that it’s a big factor in the health and happiness in marriage. In fact, the level of our self-esteem before the relationship can predict its longevity. Low self-esteem can prevent us from reaping the rewards of love in a relationship.

We think about ourselves based on things we were told, incorrect inferences, and false beliefs informed by trauma and the parenting we received. These learned beliefs, defenses, and habits are not who we are, not our natural, true self. How can we reclaim it?

self-love

Cultivating Love

Cultivating self-love is a worthwhile endeavor for ourselves and to have happier relationships. Science has shown these remarkable benefits associated with love:

  1. Better stress management
  2. Better sleep
  3. Better heart health
  4. Longer lives
  5. Improved self-esteem
  6. Greater happiness
  7. Lowered risk of depression

We are all born innocent and worthy of love. Our flaws, mistakes, and things that happened to us affect us, but are not who we are inherently. Once we understand this, we can begin changing our self-concept and nurturing our real self.

Your mind is a garden, your thoughts are the seeds.
You can grow flowers or you can grow weeds.

Love is like a garden we need to fertilize and cultivate. To fully give and receive love, we must first pull the weeds that sabotage it. We ward off invading pests in the form of toxic relationships, and welcome animals that protect and help our garden grow.

Here’re 7 Ways to Cultivate Self-Love in Your Life

1. Self-acceptance

Self Acceptance 4

What we resist persists. When we don’t accept ourselves, we strengthen a negative self-concept. Low self-esteem is self-reinforcing, making change and self-acceptance difficult. Paradoxically, when we accept our shortcomings, it’s easier to let them go.

Related: What is Self-Esteem And How To Raise It?

Self-acceptance is greater than self-esteem, and self-acceptance paves the way for self-love. It means honoring and accepting all of ourselves, including our shortcomings, appearance, our mistakes, and feelings. Learn to stop self-criticism and Raise Your Self-Esteem.

2. Self-forgiveness

What we did is not who we are. Staying in self-blame and self-condemnation is harmful. On the other hand, guilt can motivate us to change and reach out to others. Great healing is possible with confession, self-forgiveness, and amends. Overcoming guilt releases us from the past and the person we once were. It paves the way for transformation, wholeness, self-respect, and self-love

Love is indivisible. It’s difficult to love ourselves when we harbor hatred toward someone else. Moreover, resentment toward ourselves or others keeps us stuck. When we forgive others, we feel freer and better about ourselves. Similarly, as we develop self-compassion and forgive ourselves, we’re more accepting and compassionate toward others. There are specific steps and stages in forgiveness. Follow them in Freedom from Guilt and Blame: Finding Self-Forgiveness.

3. Self-appreciation

After pulling the weeds, we must nourish our garden with self-appreciation. Our mind does not distinguish between praise coming from others or our own words and thoughts. Do you focus on your shortcomings and deny or take for granted your positive attributes?

Inventory your strengths, accomplishments, loving qualities, acts of courage, and your desire to give, love, and grow. Practice appreciating yourself and others. Each day write three things you did well and qualities about yourself that you or other people appreciate. Focus on the positive, rather than the negative. It takes time and consistency to replace bad habits with life-affirming ones.

4. Self-expression

Whether due to growing up in a dysfunctional family system or trauma later in life, when we deny painful emotions, we actually block positive ones as well. When we block pain, we can’t feel joy. We close our hearts and numb ourselves.

Repressing feelings is a form of rejecting ourselves that can lead to depression and can cause poor health and disease. We grow self-love when we express our feelings, needs, and wants. Negative feelings dissolve, and positive ones multiply. We’re liberated and have more energy to move forward.

5. Loving actions

When we ignore, hide, or discount our needs and wants, we become irritable, resentful, and unhappy. But fulfilling our needs and wants is an act of self-love that lifts our spirits. It’s a key to happiness that calms and revitalizes us.

Conversely, when we act in ways contrary to our values, such as lying or stealing, we undermine our self-worth. Doing esteemable acts raises our self-esteem. We’re able to hold our head up and feel deserving of respect and love. Do random acts of kindness you can add to your “did well” list.

6. Practice gratitude

Gratitude

Gratitude is a high vibration that opens our hearts. It’s been scientifically proven to be healing. Practice gratitude by looking for things in your life and in the world to be grateful for – even when you don’t feel it. Write a daily grateful list, and read it to someone.

Related: 7 Laws of Gratitude That Will Change Your Life

7. Self-love visualizations

You can enhance love with visualization. Breathe in and out of the center of your chest. Imagine it opening like a door or flower. Picture pink or green light flowing in and out as you breathe. Focus on beauty and things you’re grateful for. Say loving affirmations. (Listen to my Self-Love Mediation.) Send this love to those you care about, to yourself, to those in need, and to the planet.

Related: 12 Tips To Self-Love And Compassion

The above steps open your heart. Practice expressing love and compassion in all aspects of your life to experience greater peace and joy. Learn more self-nurturing tips.


Written by Darlene Lancer
Originally appeared in WhatIsCodependency.com
cultivate self-love

— Share —

— About the Author —

Leave a Reply

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked *

Up Next

6 Signs Of The Real Awakening: Are You Truly Woke?

The Real Awakening: 6 Lesser-Known Signs

Nowadays, everyone seems to be a woke person. Although this sounds good for the collective consciousness rising, are we truly awake? Or just dreaming to be awake? Let’s understand what is the real awakening, and what it is not!

Before we proceed, let us ask ourselves, are we ready for this? Are we truly prepared to face any truth that goes against what our ego-self has made us believe?

Are we ready to peel off all the layers of our learned behaviors, social conditioning, and false knowledge, and dive deep within ourselves, navigate our way through the labyrinth, and come face to face with our demons – our very own Minotaur?

If yes, then we are off to a good start! We’re at least ready to embark on the journey of the real awakening! So, let’s begin.

Up Next

Navigating Change In Recovery

Discover Navigating Change In Recovery

Navigating change in recovery can be challenging, so how do we embrace growth, build resilience, and stay hopeful through the process?

Learn More About Navigating Change In Recovery

Growing up, I heard a variation of Aristotle’s adage, “Give me a child until he is 7, and I will show you the man.” At my first 12-step meeting, I received a glimmer of hope upon listening to people share how much they’d changed—yet, I wondered if I could.

Depression often signals a need for change, but changing isn’t easy, and transitions can be daunting, especially when we’re letting go of the old while facing an uncertain future.

It’s natural to re

Up Next

12 Ways To Cope With Unemployment

How To Cope With Unemployment? 12 Best Ways

Unemployment challenges your confidence, but you’re not powerless. These strategies offer practical, proven ways to cope with employment, and move forward with hope.

There are proven strategies for surviving time between jobs.

Unemployment can affect almost all aspects of life. How can you take charge of your life so that you do not succumb to passivity, helplessness and despair?

how to cope with unemployment or being unemployed

Up Next

7 Signs Of An Infinite Player (And Why You’ll Never Look At Life The Same Again)

7 Powerful Signs of an Infinite Player That Scream Growth

Have you ever hard of the term “infinite player”? Even though it sounds like something out of a video game, in this context, it isn’t. Actually, it’s a powerful way of looking at life.

Now, where does this term come from?

The term comes from James P. Carse’s iconic book, Finite and Infinite Games, where he breaks people down into two groups: finite pla

Up Next

The Trouble With Toxic Boundary Setting

Toxic Boundary Setting? 4 Ways To Maintain Better Ones

Toxic boundary setting can harm more than help. Let’s explore how to recognize the difference and maintain healthy, respectful boundaries in every relationship

Set healthy boundaries that empower and protect you, not control others.

Key points

Misusing therapeutic language to control others can lead to manipulative behaviors.

Healthy boundaries involve setting personal standards, not dictating others’ actions.

Recognizing the misuse of “therapy speak” fosters genuine self-awareness.

Understanding true boundaries promotes r

Up Next

The Surprising Benefits Of Surrender: Why Letting Go Can Set You Free

The Real Benefits of Surrender: Less Control, More Peace

Do you ever feel like the harder you try to control everything, the more life pushes back? This article is going to explore the benefits of surrender, and how to practice surrendering.

Surrendering is not a sign of defeat, but as a surprisingly strong and freeing way to cope, heal, and move forward.

By Charlie Huntington, M.A., Ph.D. candidate, and Tchiki Davis, M.A., Ph.D.

Surrendering is the act of giving up something. For our purposes, surrender means giving up on efforts to control your life or ensure specific outcomes in your life. But why surrender?

Trying too hard to control our lives is stressful and ultimately fruitless (Cole & Pargament, 1999). Knowing when to surrender and being able to do so

Up Next

Beyond The Surface: The 8 Types Of Well Being You’ve Never Considered

The 8 Types of Well Being You’ve Never Considered

When we think of happiness, we often imagine a single destination—but well-being isn’t that simple. In reality, there are multiple types of well being, each shaped by our current stage of personal development.

As our worldview evolves, so do our beliefs, priorities, and the kind of happiness we seek.

This article explores how different stages of awareness give rise to distinct types of well being, offering a deeper understanding of why our needs and definitions of happiness change over time.KEY POINTS

Each type of well being flows from our current worldview—and our worldview changes across time.

When we seek the well-being of our current stage, we have th