“Love is the whole thing. We are only pieces.” ~ Rumi
Love makes the world move. Love is the most sought after human experience.
But the paradox is that while we ourselves are love, we go on seeking it outside ourselves.
The biggest lesson and blessing of a one-sided love or unrequited love affair is that it gives you an opportunity to go directly to the source of love – your own self, instead of seeking it outside.
“If you want to taste the experience of existence, it is not via the other, it is a direct jump within yourself. It is via you, through you. And only love and its failure can throw you inside. Nothing else can throw you inside, because everything else is far below love.” – Osho
Here are some of the beautiful and precious lessons that we can learn from one-sided love:
1) You are Love
“Those who have not found their wealth, which is the radiant joy of being and the deep unshakeable peace that comes with it, are beggars, even if they have great material wealth. They are looking outside for scraps of pleasure or fulfillment, for validation, security or love, while they have a treasure within that not only includes all those things but is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer.” – Eckhart Tolle.
The most beautiful blessing in disguise of a one-sided love is that it gives you the push and impetus to go within. It is only when you go within yourself, you realize your nature. You realize that you are infinity itself. You are the source of all joy, love, peace, and bliss.
And once, you realize you are love, you do not go outside seeking for love and affection.
You share your love abundantly with whoever comes in contact with you and focus on living your best life and becoming your highest possible version.
2) To love and to need love are two different things
“To love and to need love are two very different things. Most of us remain like children all our lives because everyone is looking for love. To love is a very mysterious thing; to long for love is a very childish thing.
And whoever wants love suffers because love cannot be asked for, love can only be given. In wanting there is no certainty that you will get it. And if the person from whom you expect love also expects love from you, it is a problem. It will be like two beggars meeting and begging together. All over the world there are marital problems between husbands and wives, and the only reason for this is that both expect love from each other but are unable to give love.” – Osho
It is a hard lesson but love is about giving and not receiving. It is a risk because there are no guarantees in love.
If you move out to another person, there is always the risk that the other person will move away from you, leaving you more painfully alone than before.
Trust anyone and you may get hurt, depend on anyone and they may let you down.
But if we do not risk pain, then we cannot get the joy and all other things that make life meaningful, alive and fulfilled.
Therefore it is better to love and reach out to express and share our love instead of longing and begging for love.
3) Love is disciplined
We have been conditioned to believe that love is passion. But mature love is full of discipline.
“Love is not simply giving; it is judicious giving and judicious withholding as well. It is judicious praising and judicious criticizing. It is judicious arguing, struggling, confronting, urging, pushing and pulling in addition to comforting. It is leadership. The word “judicious” means requiring judgment, and judgment requires more than instinct; it requires thoughtful and often painful decision making.”- M. Scott Peck
One sided love can teach us that we often confuse feelings and passion for love but true love requires more than instinct. It requires judgment and a committed decision to help your partner grow.
4) Love is not a feeling
The most common misconception about love is that love is a feeling.
True love is not a feeling by which we are not overwhelmed. It is a committed and thoughtful decision.
Genuine love is when we make a decision that we will extend ourselves for the well being of another person.
Love can blind us to the extent that we fail to read the signs if the other person loves us back or not.
It is better to watch their actions and just words, if their actions are not supporting your growth and well being, then it is not genuine love.
“Love is as love does.” – M. Scott Peck
5) Time is too precious to waste
When we are in love, we can become blinded to the extent that we do not see the signs that the other person is not reciprocating to our feelings and does not feel the same way about us.
We hope that they will change their feelings some day and waste our precious time waiting around for them.
Life is too short to waste on waiting for someone to love you back.
You need to move on and save your precious heart and feelings for someone who will love you as fiercely as you love them.
There are more than 7 billion people on this planet and there is no point of wasting your precious time and energy on one person, keep moving on, live your life to your fullest, the right person will come in your life at the right time.
6) Be Your authentic self
We are here for a very short time and we spend most of our lives behind filters and conditionings. We trade our childlike wonder and authenticity and wear masks to fit in and to get validation.
But we miss out on the beauty of sunsets, the magical aroma of coffee, the pitter patter of raindrops, the wisdom of books and the little secrets that life unfolds every moment if we lose our sense of wonder.
And even if someone loves you for the image you project, what’s the use if you lose touch with your natural and authentic self in the process?
Be childlike, keep your sense of wonder, be who you are and the right people will come and stay in your life.
7) It makes you wise and gives you depth
The pain that comes with the heartache gives you an opportunity to contemplate and reflect on what is important in life, what your priorities are, what your life values are, where you should devote your time and energy?
Any experience of loss or pain that you endure in life gives you humility and depth. It gives you an ability to empathize with others in pain.
“A Soul that carries empathy is a soul that has survived enormous pain.” – Carlos Medina
8) You don’t need to go looking for love
“Your task is not to seek for love, but merely to seek and find all the barriers within yourself that you have built against it.”
The biggest lesson that one-sided love teaches you is that you cannot go out looking for love.
You can only remove the barriers within yourself that you have built against it. You can make yourself ready and receptive to love so that you can accept it with an open heart whenever it arrives in your life.
Love cannot be forced.
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