“Love is the whole thing. We are only pieces.” ~ Rumi
Love makes the world move. Love is the most sought after human experience.
But the paradox is that while we ourselves are love, we go on seeking it outside ourselves.
The biggest lesson and blessing of a one-sided love or unrequited love affair is that it gives you an opportunity to go directly to the source of love – your own self, instead of seeking it outside.
“If you want to taste the experience of existence, it is not via the other, it is a direct jump within yourself. It is via you, through you. And only love and its failure can throw you inside. Nothing else can throw you inside, because everything else is far below love.” – Osho
Here are some of the beautiful and precious lessons that we can learn from one-sided love:
1) You are Love
“Those who have not found their wealth, which is the radiant joy of being and the deep unshakeable peace that comes with it, are beggars, even if they have great material wealth. They are looking outside for scraps of pleasure or fulfillment, for validation, security or love, while they have a treasure within that not only includes all those things but is infinitely greater than anything the world can offer.” – Eckhart Tolle.
The most beautiful blessing in disguise of a one-sided love is that it gives you the push and impetus to go within. It is only when you go within yourself, you realize your nature. You realize that you are infinity itself. You are the source of all joy, love, peace, and bliss.
And once, you realize you are love, you do not go outside seeking for love and affection.
You share your love abundantly with whoever comes in contact with you and focus on living your best life and becoming your highest possible version.
2) To love and to need love are two different things
“To love and to need love are two very different things. Most of us remain like children all our lives because everyone is looking for love. To love is a very mysterious thing; to long for love is a very childish thing.
And whoever wants love suffers because love cannot be asked for, love can only be given. In wanting there is no certainty that you will get it. And if the person from whom you expect love also expects love from you, it is a problem. It will be like two beggars meeting and begging together. All over the world there are marital problems between husbands and wives, and the only reason for this is that both expect love from each other but are unable to give love.” – Osho
It is a hard lesson but love is about giving and not receiving. It is a risk because there are no guarantees in love.
If you move out to another person, there is always the risk that the other person will move away from you, leaving you more painfully alone than before.
Trust anyone and you may get hurt, depend on anyone and they may let you down.
But if we do not risk pain, then we cannot get the joy and all other things that make life meaningful, alive and fulfilled.
Therefore it is better to love and reach out to express and share our love instead of longing and begging for love.
3) Love is disciplined
We have been conditioned to believe that love is passion. But mature love is full of discipline.
“Love is not simply giving; it is judicious giving and judicious withholding as well. It is judicious praising and judicious criticizing. It is judicious arguing, struggling, confronting, urging, pushing and pulling in addition to comforting. It is leadership. The word “judicious” means requiring judgment, and judgment requires more than instinct; it requires thoughtful and often painful decision making.”- M. Scott Peck
One sided love can teach us that we often confuse feelings and passion for love but true love requires more than instinct. It requires judgment and a committed decision to help your partner grow.