5. For men, it’s important to understand that women want to be listened to and for women, it is important to understand that men need their me time.
Men and women are wired differently and therefore they have different needs. A woman’s basic need is to feel heard and the man’s basic need is me time.
“Men don’t need to solve or fix everything; listening to itself is an exceptional gift. For women, it’s important to understand that men need time for themselves. By giving him space to pull away and not taking it personally, you allow him to reconnect with his desire for you and his commitment to the relationship.” — Mars Venus Coaching, Life Coach
6. The biggest turn off in any relationship is trying to change your spouse.
Love means accepting your partner as they are. You can off course encourage them to be a better version of themselves but if you keep on nagging them to change who they are at the core, you send across a message that you don’t like them as they are. And that is the biggest turn-off. Nobody likes a partner who turns them into a project to be fixed instead of accepting them for who they are.
“When you try to change your spouse you come across as a nag and wind up sending the message that ‘who you are is not enough.’ Nobody likes getting that message, and it leads to distance and polarization. Let your spouse be who he or she is and focus on changing yourself.” — Dr. Rick Kirschner, Relationship Coach
7. Learn to have arguments with your partner in a healthy manner without any shaming, blaming or needing to be right.
Whenever we get into an argument, our primary tendency is to get defensive or assign blame to the other person. But this tendency stops us from listening effectively to the other person’s point of view.
The key to constructive arguments is listening without assigning any blame or shame. This can be done by starting your sentences with I instead of You.
“Communicate how you feel using I-statements. It’s not your partner’s job to read your mind, guess what you’re thinking, or put words into your mouth. These are huge obstacles to open, honest communication and will guarantee resentment, anger, and frustration in the relationship.” — Sharon Rivkin, MA, MFT
8. Appreciate the fact that in any argument, both parties have some valid points.
Whenever we get into an argument, we get into a mindset of proving our point right instead of trying to understand our partner’s perspective. It is important to be open-minded and appreciate the fact that in any argument both the parties have some valid points.
“In order to strengthen your marriage, learn to recognize that most arguments have shared responsibility, that both people have valid points and valid reasons for their feelings.” — Kathy Morelli, LPC