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What Love Is and What Love Isn’t

What Love Is and What Love Isnot

Most of the things we have been conditioned to believe about what love is are bullsh*t. The myth of romantic love has been ingrained in us since childhood through cultural conditioning, childhood fairy tales, and movies.

Everyone has different opinions on love as well as different experiences. But there are some misconceptions about love which makes it a complicated subject. Let’s take a closer look at what love is actually, and what love isn’t

We have been led to believe that for every man in the world, there is a woman “Meant for him” and vice versa. Moreover, the myth reinforces that there is only one man meant for a woman and one woman meant for a man and all this is “predetermined” in the stars.

When we come across the person that heaven intended for us, we will find our perfect match and then we will be compatible in every regard, we will understand each other without even uttering a word and we will be able to satisfy all of each other’s needs and live happily ever after in perfect harmony.

Should it happen that we do not understand each other or fail to satisfy all of each other’s needs or fight or fall out of love, then it is clear that we made a dreadful mistake, we did not read the signs right and hook up with our one and only perfect match, what we thought was love was not the real thing and nothing can be done about the situation and we are doomed for life.

What love is..

What Love Is
What Love Is and Isn’t

1. Love is a choice.

As we discussed, love is not an overwhelming feeling. Instead, it is a thoughtful and committed decision.

“I have defined love as the will to extend oneself for the purpose of nurturing one’s own or another’s spiritual growth. Genuine love is volitional rather than emotional. The person who truly loves does so because of a decision to love.

True love is not a feeling by which we are overwhelmed. It is a committed, thoughtful decision.”
– M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth

2. Love is disciplined.

We do not like to hear these two in the same sentence but discipline is actually required to love in the right ways.

“Love is not simply giving; it is judicious giving and judicious withholding as well. It is judicious praising and judicious criticizing. It is judicious arguing, struggling, confronting, urging, pushing, and pulling in addition to comforting. It is leadership.

The word “judicious” means requiring judgment, and judgment requires more than instinct; it requires thoughtful and often painful decision making.”
– M. Scott Peck, The Road Less Traveled: A New Psychology of Love, Traditional Values and Spiritual Growth

Related: 5 Everyday Things You Can Do To Keep Your Relationship Healthy

3. Love is separateness.

Love is a beautiful companionship between two separate individuals who come together to help each other to reach their highest potential without losing their individuality in the process.

“Let there be spaces in your togetherness, And let the winds of the heavens dance between you. Love one another but make not a bond of love: Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls. Fill each other’s cup but drink not from one cup.

Give one another of your bread but eat not from the same loaf. Sing and dance together and be joyous, but let each one of you be alone, Even as the strings of a lute are alone though they quiver with the same music.

Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping. For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts. And stand together, yet not too near together: For the pillars of the temple stand apart, And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
― Khalil Gibran, The Prophet

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Shweta Advani

An HR consultant by profession, a slam poet and freelance writer.Avid reader,dancer and yoga enthusiast. When I am not reading or writing, I star gaze or take long walks in nature.View Author posts