Love is sometimes characterized as a powerful attraction, but love is so much more than mere affection and attraction to someone. In life, we encounter some people to whom we get attracted and some people whom we think we need in life to sustain. In a relationship ‘need’ and ‘want’ reprises the completely different equation, whereas loving somebody is stronger and greater emotion than your feelings of needing and wanting somebody.
It is okay to need someone when you are emotionally down or going through extremely difficult situations, but needing someone around 24×7 is not right and can make it very difficult for your partner to deal with your constant needs. Truth be told, it is suffocating.
Need vs Want in Relationship
Needing someone is depending on them.
So, you think you need someone in your life to the extent that the same person if not there, you won’t survive. Think twice, so you really need that person in your life to make you complete or there is a hole in your life that you desperately need to fill.
This is the desperation to look for someone that can validate your own existence. You need to rely on someone when you can no longer rely upon yourself. This is not loving, this is a dependency on the verge of going near obsession, a sheer dependency on someone without whom your life seems impossible.
You will find yourself settling, in the process, you will lose the standards and goals that you have set for yourself. That need to keep someone in your life will get you that person but in turn, will take your happiness away.
This constant need for acceptance, validation, and support will make the other person feel suffocated too. And because you need someone’s company, when other relationships in your life that fulfill that same need you have, your need for that person will die. And, this can be many things but not Love.
Want on the other hand has more than one meaning.
Wants may arise from attraction to someone. Their personality, speaking style, their beauty… hooks you up. But you are drawn to their positive attributes, their doll shelf. It’s the idealization and projection of what we want to see, what we want to have.
Strangely, this kind of enchantment does not last long. What about their imperfection? What if one time they fail to make you happy? What if they are dealing with pain? What about their flaws. You are attracted to them for the things you seek in others or maybe in yourself, but once the curtain of glory is lifted, the infatuation soon disappears.
You can be fascinated by a person and get attracted to them. But, can it be called love? This desire or longing for a person can fall apart because our wants are never constant and never long-lasting. And, they can change anytime whenever that higher emotions of interest, amusement, and fascination boil down.
What is love, then?
“You come to love not by finding the perfect person, but by seeing an imperfect person perfectly.” – Sam Keen
Attachment represents a need. The need to receive care, approval, or contact from the person you love are all forms of attachment whereas wanting someone represents the passionate love that is merely an intense, emotional, anxiety-laden attraction. But true love is rare.
But loving someone means accepting someone in every way possible. It’s not looking for someone who fulfills the gap in your life but together fighting the differences and completing each other.
Love is marked by trust, affection, intimacy, and commitment. But moreover, love is only love, in its purest form. Love has no demand, no want, no need, it is just there, and it’s complete by itself. When a man loves a woman, they don’t want or need something from one another, they just love each other.