Insecurity in Men: How To Tell If A Man Is Insecure

We all have a lot of insecurities that we deal with. Even the people who seem the most confident about themselves deal with a lot of insecurities all the time. Men have tons of insecurities to deal with.

However, not many men out there would be willing to accept it and talk to someone. They are afraid of coming out as vulnerable and weak. Thus, they often suffer in silence without telling anyone.

Insecurities In Men- An Overview

Insecurity in men is much more prevalent than what is normally perceived. The reason is that most men and by that I mean the majority of men out there are insecure about themselves. This is because when we generally talk about insecurities, we often refer to women. This is because women are perceived as the ‘weaker sex’ in our society. Thus, insecurities in men is a topic which most people would never believe exists. Unfortunately, this is far away from the truth. Men tend to suffer from insecurities, just as much as women do, if not more. Our society along with our mainstream media needs to share the blame for this. Mainstream media has projected such clichéd images of men, their muscularity, and how men need to behave, that it has given rise to a preconceived notion that insecurities = women.

Men suffer from a variety of insecurities, which often go unnoticed, as stated by a 2018 study. The study goes on to explain that “men as less able and less interested than women in building emotional and supportive relationships with others.”  This explains that men are able to suffer emotionally the same way as women and also are not able to seek emotional support for the same. In a society where men are perceived as the stronger sex, it is not uncommon to have situations where men find it difficult to open up to other people. 

Men tend to suffer from insecurities just like women and some issues are similar for both sexes. The study goes on to state that “While some men differentiated between their social connections with men and women, others experienced difficulties in mobilizing support from existing connections.” In an era where there are plenty of ideological discussions about machismo, gender equality, and feminism, it is important for both genders to understand each other’s psychological and emotional needs. Stereotypes about both genders are prevalent and while the focus is currently on females, important aspects of men’s emotional health get left out. Men’s insecurities are often ridiculed and not talked about and its symptoms can build up and manifest in a lot of different ways.

Read 16 Signs of Insecurity In A Narcissistic Person

Causes Of Insecurity In Men

Men suffer from a variety of struggles, difficulties and issues about which they are often unwilling to talk about. They feel that discussing these personal worries or shortcomings are a sign of weakness, which is supposedly seen as a taboo in our society. Some of the insecurities which men suffer from are:

1. Physical attributes

Men, just like women, tend to be concerned about their body image. They too have insecurities about their height, weight or simply the way they look. While most products and treatments in the market are targeted towards women, men feel left out in this part. They develop anxiety about the way they look and often look for ways to improve their appearance.

Gynecomastia is a condition where men tend to develop breasts, similar to that of women. This can result from hormone imbalances in the body, excessive stress, age or due to a variety of other factors. This can be a reason for embarrassment in men where they feel they are starting to acquire feminine characteristics and are losing their masculinity. Men suffering from this condition experience humiliation in public and develop anxiety disorders.  

The most common condition of hair loss in men is alopecia. It causes one’s hair to fall out and reveals small bald patches on the head. Other causes of hair loss can be stress, anxiety and hormonal problems, which can arise due to age. Some men tend to associate baldness with old age, being less attractive or appearing less masculine. Hair loss treatments are few and most of them are costly and usually do not show any significant results.

2. Financial in capabilities

Men are usually looked upon as the provider of the family. This has been prevalent since ancient times, when primitive men were the provider for the family. Coming to recent times, men today have an intense pressure of securing a high paying job or being financially stable in life. They are expected to provide for the woman they marry and raise a family together. Thus, men tend to have deep rooted insecurities about their current financial condition. They often find themselves worrying about their current standing in their career and where they will be after five or ten years.

3. Emotional insecurities

Men, just like women, tend to suffer from relationship insecurities. In the past if they have been cheated on by their partners, they develop doubts on their capabilities to provide as a partner. Due to the breach of emotional trust in the past, they find it hard to trust women and often suffer from loneliness. They fear that their future relationships will also turn out to be the same and shy away from giving other women a chance.

4. Sexual performance

One of the greatest insecurities of men can be their sexual performance. They fear their abilities to make physical love to a woman and often have recurring doubts about their penis size. In a world where mainstream media along with pornography have portrayed men as highly sexual beings, many men often have concerns about their sexual prowess. Erectile dysfunction is another cause of concern for men, where neither are they able to talk about their problems to anyone, nor take the risk of getting physical with a woman, where they think they will be rebuked in the process, for their incapability. Issues related to sex often go unaddressed and thus, make men feel ashamed and inadequate.

Symptoms of Insecurity In Men

The above issues, when unaddressed, leads to several symptoms in men. When left untreated, this can develop into serious mental problems.

1. Constant reassurance

Men who suffer from insecurities often feel the need to be constantly reassured of their worthiness and love. Some women tend to term such men as “needy.” They start getting jealous of other men and often take controlling and desperate measures in a relationship.

2. Being abusive and violent

Although this does not necessarily mean physical abuse, men whose insecurities get left unaddressed tend to be emotionally abusive. They may try to manipulate others and often sport a controlling nature. This can be a coping mechanism to not let other people see how scared or vulnerable they are from the inside.

3. Dishonesty

Men who are insecure often lie about a lot of things they are insecure about. They have a strong fear of rejection and tend to distort facts about themselves or others. They try to create more favorable situations where they feel others would be more attracted to them.

4. Anxiety or depression

Insecurity in men gives rise to deep-rooted anxiety, about which they are unable to talk to anyone. This creates a vicious cycle where they develop more anxiety and often show clinical symptoms of depression. They may suffer from weight loss, insomnia, loss of appetite, and an overall feeling of exhaustion and tiredness.

Read 4 Ways To Cope With Negative Emotions Like Anxiety, Depression, Or Fear

How Should Men Deal With Insecurities

Insecurities in men can thrive with their inability to talk about it to anyone. It can take a huge toll on their mental health and can affect their personal, social and professional life. It is important to understand that insecurities are temporary and can be dealt with in an effective manner. However, the first step lies in recognizing those insecurities.

1. Acceptance

The first step in dealing with any insecurity is accepting the fact that it is actually there and creating a hindrance for you. Only when someone accepts that there is something wrong, will they be able to take any kind of action. If you are a man suffering from insecurities, you can write whatever that is bothering you on a piece of paper. Only then will you be able to realize what problems bother you. Admitting that you ARE insecure can kickstart the healing process.

2. Affirming your value

 Often, we forget the importance of our own value and what we mean to others. Maybe someone somewhere made us feel like we are not worthy enough. The words get stuck into your head and every time you face a similar situation the familiar tune begins to play. It is important to take into account all of your accomplishments and achievements to date. Once you do that, your problems will not seem so significant. It is also vital that you surround yourself with people who inspire you, love you, and also see the positivity in you. You will slowly find that your insecurities were nothing more than a bad memory.

Read 21 Things That Change When You Start Respecting Yourself

3. Take care of yourself

There is nothing that a bit of self-love cannot do. It is important to take care of your own body and value yourself as a person. You can try adding more self-care steps to your daily routine. Grooming daily and engaging in physical activity will do a lot to ensure you feel good and worthy about yourself. Here are some ways in which you can take care of yourself:

• Practice healthy grooming habits, like brushing your teeth daily, taking a refreshing bath, and using a moisturizer.
• Try listening to your favorite songs and get a bit of a workout done. Exercising for even 15 minutes daily can help you feel good about yourself as a person.
• Try to take care of your diet and have a food regimen from where you get enough vitamins, minerals, antioxidants and protein.

4. Embrace and challenge your negative thoughts

There are going to be times when you fumble and it’s important for you to know that it’s okay to do so. Embracing your nervousness or awkwardness can help you understand that these are just passing emotions and does not define the person that you are. The next time you have fleeting thoughts about your insecurities, do not try to fight them off. Instead accept them and maintain your positive demeanour. You will find that these thoughts do not affect you like it used to. Slowly with time you will be laughing it off.

Key Takeaway

Men or women, we all deal with our own insecurities. However, it is important to understand that men too suffer from insecurities the same way as women do. It is important that the need for men’s mental and emotional health be brought at the same pedestals as they are prevalent for women. Only then can we be able to achieve true gender equality.