How to Stop Granting Emotional Energy To An Abuser: This Works Better Than Grey Rock

Stop Granting Emotional Energy To Abuser

Let’s just get very clear here that if you can go No Contact that’s great, but in many cases, because of a connection with somebody that you’re co-parenting, parallel parenting with, or it’s a family member that you’re going to be seeing at functions or you work with this person, maybe you can’t go No Contact so you do have to do modified contact at least for a time or maybe forever or indefinitely.

If you’re not healing, you are still feeding the narcissist the emotional connection which is holding up the connection for them to keep hitting you, to get narcissistic supply, which doesn’t need to be on a logical cognitive level, it can be on an energetic level that they’re still sucking your energy.

The true and only way to get an abuser to stop hurting you is to heal what is inside of you that’s getting triggered and that requires healing.

This message that I’m granting you all the time – so within, so without – is about that trigger that’s getting hit which is the devastation or the despair or the insecurity or the unfairness, the injustice, the betrayals …

When you’re no longer feeling those, and people think that that may not be possible (because how can you not feel those?), you’ll be amazed that when you heal on the inside you literally will not feel them because this person no longer has any power over you.

How To Not React

Let’s talk about, and we’ve touched on it now, how to be able to not react – how to be empowered and diffuse the power the narcissist has been using against you so that you can parallel parent successfully, if you have children, or to be able to handle any narcissist that you can’t go No Contact with.

Of course, this is going to be somebody that you work with or an associate or somebody that you have to be at family functions with.

Also too, if you’re having to deal with the narcissist in a custody case or a court case, if you can go genuine grey rock from the inside out, without triggers, this puts you in the most powerful position to be able to get a judgment in your favor. I promise you, it is totally possible.

What do we do? How do we do it? We make grey rock genuine, which means to detach and turn inwards. Rather than focusing on what you’re doing to me, the focus is why am I feeling a trigger in relation to what this person is doing?

NARP is so effective for that, being able to turn inwards, claim, load up, release, reprogram those triggers – they literally dissolve away. It can happen very, very quickly if you’re dedicated to doing the Module work on it.

Related: The One Rule You Need To Effectively Communicate With a Narcissist


Then what happens is you’re going to emerge totally detached without triggers. This means you’re no longer pretending to grey rock any more, you just ARE grey rock. You understand logically and cognitively that you need to be monosyllable, offer no energy, less is best and don’t get into any emotional conversations whatsoever.

If there’s rubbish, you just ignore it. Then you’re going to be able to show up saying things like, “This is what I am prepared to do, and this is what I’m not prepared to do.” Because many of the conversations that you’re having with a narcissist – it’s great if it can be done through a third party – can be done through just text, and it’s only about things of a practical nature, nothing else, because this person is not privy to your life anymore on an emotional level whatsoever, it’s just about practical things and that’s it.

When you’re in detachment and you’re working at healing all of your triggers, then you can just retain the right to refuse to respond to anything emotional, personal, or accusatory.

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Melanie Tonia Evans

Melanie Tonia Evans is a global narcissistic abuse recovery expert and the creator of the Quanta Freedom Healing method and The Narcissistic Abuse Recovery Program (NARP). Melanie’s leading-edge healing methods have helped thousands of people make astounding full recoveries from toxic relationship abuse. Her work has now touched the lives of over 15 million people from more than 100 countries worldwide and her abuse recovery system is recommended by doctors, psychologists, therapists, and renowned relationship experts from all over the world. Melanie’s work is revolutionizing the old Model of Survivor Recovery to one of Thriver status. The free content Melanie offers on abuse recovery reaches close to 7 million people monthly on her website and across her numerous social media platforms and her reach continues to grow exponentially. In 2018, Melanie released her first book, You Can Thrive After Narcissistic Abuse - The #1 System for Recovering from Toxic Relationships which became an Amazon bestseller in days, and is now being translated into multiple languages. Free 16 Day Recovery Course – A Roadmap To Getting Clarity, Relief and Your Life Back On TrackView Author posts