I know you went through a lot to take this decision. People have been talking a lot about you, in negative terms. They are mocking you, they are scolding you and above all, they are making you feel that you are not socially acceptable. All because you are one of those women who chose not to be mothers.
But I don’t believe in any one of them. The fact is, I feel proud of you because you are one of those countless women who chose not to be mothers. I would like to congratulate you on taking the decision.
Trust me I do understand what you went through. It’s been extremely distressing after your marriage. It’s not even your first anniversary and you start hearing all sort of wrong things which probably got you repulsed from the idea of having kids.
You vomited that night because of indigestion. Your mother forced you to go for a pregnancy test while you knew yourself that it’s not the case.
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Your mother-in-law keeps on showing pictures of the time when your husband was a baby. She keeps on telling you stories what she felt when she gave birth to him.
You have listened to the tales of your husband’s growing up years nearly one hundred times. But you don’t feel the interest to raise a child of your own.
‘Don’t worry, you will slowly understand and tell us that you want kids!’
You keep on hearing this from your family and peers.
‘We want to see our grandchildren before we die,’ your parents say this every time you meet them.
‘Look at me, I am enjoying my motherhood,’ your friend is happy to drag you to stores for children.
‘Do you have children?’ your peers ask you.
You are criticized for all the wrong reasons. People you are close to, make you feel guilty; some even consider you as insane.
‘How can a man marry you if you don’t give him a child?’ your mother probably tells you when you think about getting married.
The idea of marrying someone is always equated to child-bearing and you are getting tired of that.
I know it’s difficult for you. People keep on misunderstanding you and misjudging you. So, I would like to tell you that it’s not your fault; you have done a good job by listening to your heart. Thank you.
Women like you make all of us proud. Kudos to you for understanding that bringing up a child is not your forte. Not everyone can do that. It doesn’t mean that you don’t love children.
You probably enjoy being with children but you are one of those women who chose not to be mothers because raising one is not your cup of tea. You have understood that you have your dreams and it’s not possible for you to manage motherhood and professional life. Not everyone can do the balancing act.
This is probably the best thing you can do by deciding not to have a child. You have seen how your friends struggle. You know pretty well that no matter how your school friend Ella says she’s happy to be a mother, deep down, she wants to continue with her career as a singer; unfortunately, she can’t.
Your college buddy Martha rarely gives time to her son because she’s a big entrepreneur now. Sometimes she tells you how irritated she gets when her son’s teachers call her and complain about his behavior. You don’t say much but you do know that the reason is Martha can’t give time to her son.
In fact, you have better ideas of parenting without being a parent, than the ones who are already experiencing it.
I’m proud of you for retaining your identity. You didn’t give away to the societal pressures.
You know there are a lot of parents who are not happy with their parenthood. They are probably doing it because, in our society, that’s what married couples are supposed to do. They have dreams which they had to sacrifice but they are not happy about it. Their children are growing up knowing that their parents are sacrificing just for them. You understand it’s having a negative impact on their children too.
I congratulate you for living up to your individuality. You have been honest with your partner and didn’t want to embrace motherhood to impress your partner.
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You have your different set of values and will not do anything you don’t like just for settling down. This shows how independent you are and can do well without a person who can’t understand or respect your principles.
You have gone through a lot by taking this decision. You make everyone proud because you have been firm enough to hold on to your decision against everyone else. Very few women have the strength to do that. You deserve appreciation for this.
Bringing up a child is not easy. Like any other work, this too has its pros and cons. It all depends on what we choose to see. It’s okay that you cannot adjust to the disadvantages.
You have other ways to find love in this world; it’s not necessary that you will find love in your child. An unhappy mother can never make a child happy; an unhappy child of an unhappy mother will grow up to be an unhappy adult. It’s good that you have known yourself well enough and take the decision.
A woman’s identity doesn’t rest upon her motherhood. A woman is a woman first before being anyone’s daughter or wife or mother, so stop shaming all those women who choose not to be mothers.
You have a lot to contribute to this world. We aren’t on the verge of extinction and you are not the only woman on Noah’s Ark. So, don’t worry. Stay bold and independent like this, always. Congratulations again.
