As I learned more about James’ early life, the blanket story became symbolic of their whole relationship. Whenever James had shown that he cared about something, his father would find a way to destroy it. He gave away James’ dog while he was at camp, refused to allow James to go with the rest of his class on their trip to Washington, D.C., and on James’ birthday, made sure when he cut the cake that he never gave any of the pieces with the buttercream flowers to James.
What Type Of Person Attracts Malignant Narcissists?
Most of the malignant narcissists I have met seem to enjoy tormenting insecure people. They are basically bullies. If you are not insecure, to begin with, they will try to make you insecure.
What do I mean?
They are often quite good at identifying people’s weak spots and exploiting them—and even the strongest of us have vulnerabilities.
“You want to see me happy at the cost of my happiness? That’s not love my dear, it’s cruelty, it’s selfishness, it’s narcissism, it’s anything but love” ―
Here are some examples of two very manipulative malignant narcissists and their attempts to make their therapists as insecure and uncomfortable as possible. The first example is of an overt malignant narcissist and the other is of a covert malignant narcissist.
Example 1: The Humiliator
This client came for his first session. His presenting problem was that he could not sustain romantic relationships with women because he lost all interest in the person immediately after he had sex with her. He said that he realized that this would get in the way of his ever getting married and having a family.
I invited him to take a seat and told him where I would be sitting—a big chair with an ottoman. I said, “Feel free to sit wherever you want.” He said, “Really? Wherever I want?” Then he pulled up a chair right opposite me, moved it extremely close to mine, and put his feet up on my ottoman next to mine, and smiled.
It was obvious that he wanted to make me uncomfortable and this was a test of some sort. The fact was, he had succeeded in surprising and flustering me—which was exactly what he had intended.
I asked him to move his chair back and tell me about his last couple of relationships. This is an abbreviated version of what he said:
I like to sexually humiliate women. I especially enjoy doing it to the type of girl who rejected me in high school as not good enough to date. I am a fashion photographer and young models come to audition for me in hopes I will use them in a photo shoot.
I like to get them to strip for me and I make them pose in ways that I hope will embarrass them—like on their hands and knees with their ass in the air. Then I make them have sex with me. They rarely say “no” because I lead them to think that I will get them the job.
I like to hurt them during sex and get them to do weird stuff they don’t like. As soon as we finish, I tell them they are ugly and useless and not good enough. They are usually crying at this point, which I really enjoy! Then I kick them out!
Then he looked at me and smiled and said, “What do you think? Any chance you can help me?”
It was clear to both of us that he wanted to see how uncomfortable he could make me by telling me this. We did do a few therapy sessions after that, but he left and never came back after I confronted him too bluntly about how his attempts to dominate our sessions by making me uncomfortable were sabotaging his therapy.
“When confronted by a narcissist’s lies – do not engage simply say ‘that is one way to look at it’ and walk away.” ―