Ways We Rationalize Abuse and Blame Ourselves Instead

Ways You Rationalize Abuse and Blame Yourself Instead

By denying the truth and downplaying the impact of the abuse and trauma we try to survive a bitter, toxic, and even dangerous relationship. When you start blaming your own self for your partner’s behavior, you know you are in hostile territory. STOP! You don’t have to tolerate this. You don’t have to be in love with them anymore.

Stop living a lie. Accept the truth no matter how much it hurts.

Do NOT rationalize abuse. It’s NOT your fault. You couldn’t have done things better. What you are going through is simply a response to surviving serious emotional and psychological trauma.

Ways We Rationalize Abuse and Blame Ourselves Instead
Ways We Rationalize Abuse and Blame Ourselves Instead

Here are ways we rationalize abuse and justify the abusive behavior of our partner.

Ways You Rationalize Abuse and Blame Yourself Instead info
Ways We Rationalize Abuse and Blame Ourselves Instead

1. You believe you are not perfect.

First of all, you don’t have to be perfect to be loved and respected. There are plenty of people out there who are far from perfect yet they are in a loving and happy relationship. When you love and respect your partner, there is no reason in the world that can justify emotional, verbal or physical abuse in any way, despite how much you are flawed.

Your abuser will try their best to make you believe that it’s all your fault. That you provoked them. That you always keep doing the same mistake. This is a strategy to make you feel insecure and weak. Don’t believe it.

We are not designed to be perfect. We are designed to be humane.

If your partner can’t accept the way you are, then it’s not your fault.

Related: 7 Things That Look Like Love But Are Actually Emotional Abuse

2. They are just stressed and frustrated.

Yeah well, so is everybody else. You don’t let every person you know abuse you. Do you? Okay. Consider this. Do you lash out at your partner every single time you are stressed? Does your partner abuse their coworkers, friends, or strangers when they are frustrated? Do they risk losing their reputation by displaying their uncontrollable anger in public? NO.

They just take out all their anger and frustration only on you in the privacy of your room. Narcissistic abusers{5} are very selective about who they make their physical and emotional punching bag. Only when you are completely invested in your partner, they will reveal their true self to you. Psychologically, a victim often feels bonded to the abuser. Ever heard of Stockholm syndrome? {6} It may not be that extreme, but you get the point.

Its okay to get angry occasionally. That’s not abuse. But when they use their frustrations as an excuse to abuse you and make you feel traumatized, you need to put a stop to it. The excuse of stress is one of the many ways we rationalize abuse.

3. They are normal again. It will get better now.

It’s all an ‘act’. This is one of the most common ways we rationalize abuse. We are just lying to ourselves. An abusive partner who lacks empathy will never be able to own up to their actions. They may apologize superficially but they will not take any effort to change themselves. It’s one thing to lose your temper once in a while. But when they start to demean, manipulate, criticize and dominate you all the time, then it’s downright unacceptable.

Their kind, charming, romantic, and sweet persona which attracted you in the first place is not who they truly are deep down. They are simply hurtful and unpredictable that will rob you of your self-esteem and make you more insecure about yourself. The abuser will shift between being sweet and mean so that you fall for their tricks every time. You can’t get tricked by this ‘Jekyll and Hyde’ game they play with you. This constant cycle of the emotional switch will make you seek validation and get you hooked on a biochemical and traumatic level.

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