Relationship With A Vulnerable Narcissist

relationship with a vulnerable narcissist

A vulnerable narcissist might seem like a very confident, and self-assured person with an extremely inflated self-image, but the truth is anything but that. Underneath all the bravado, there is a lot of insecurity that they try very hard to mask.

Narcissists relate to others in some highly problematic ways. The very manner in which they perceive themselves and look upon others impairs true intimacy and depth in relationships. Narcissists come in two main varieties. (See: Ways Vulnerable Narcissists Relate.) And relationships with vulnerable narcissists can be particularly challenging when it comes to intimacy.

What Vulnerable Narcissists Crave

Some call vulnerable narcissists the “compensatory” type. That’s because the inflated image they project masks an underlying insecurity.

In their insecurity,

  • they seek to be admired.
  • they frequently fish for recognition and praise.
  • they seem to need constant reassurance.
  • and they constantly compare themselves to others.
  • it matters to them how you think they stack up against the competition.
  • and they’re not happy unless they think they’re at the top of the heap.

Relationships with any narcissist suffer because it’s always about them. They’re so wrapped up in themselves and their desires that there’s no room to consider others. And because they can’t really concern themselves with you or your needs, intimacy suffers.

Related: When A Narcissist Tells You You Are Hard To Love

What Vulnerable Narcissists’ Relationship Partners Crave

From our earliest days, we humans crave intimacy. Infants can’t even thrive without close physical and emotional contact. And this need for human “connection” never goes away. In fact, our need intimacy needs only appear to grow over our lifetimes. The biggest single complaint hurting relationship partners have, is a loss of closeness.

Pay attention to them or give them positive strokes, and vulnerable narcissists can act like they really value you.

But ask something of them – especially caring concern for your wants and needs, and it’s another matter entirely. They don’t know how to be close. That’s because they don’t know how to care. They can’t step outside themselves and their own wants and needs. And that means they can’t concern themselves with the needs of another. This leaves their relationship partners starving for affection.

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Written by Dr. George Simon
Originally appeared on Dr. George Simon
relationship with a vulnerable narcissist pin
relationship with a vulnerable narcissist pin
Relationship With A Vulnerable Narcissist

Dr George Simon

Dr. George Simon is an internationally-recognized expert on manipulators and other problem characters and the author of 3 bestselling books: In Sheep’s Clothing (which has been translated into 12 foreign languages), Character Disturbance, and The Judas Syndrome. He’s made appearances on several major television (Fox News Network, CNN, CBS 48 Hours) and radio programs and is also the host of a weekly internet program on UCY.TV called Character Matters. The interview with Bill O’Reilly that helped launch his first book as well as some of his other interviews can be viewed by clicking on the media tab of the blog menu bar. Dr. Simon’s work is also featured on other international sites, including some great resources for information on disturbances of character. Visit: http://www.evah.org/ and http://psychopathy101.wordpress.com/View Author posts