The secret to having a happy and fulfilling long-term relationship and making it last forever lies in the small things that you do for each other.
Relationships are tough. Marriage is tough. And itโs certainly not for everyone. As a lawyer, I have handled a few divorces. Thank goodness there is such an alternative for people trapped in horrible circumstances.
But if youโre inclined to weather sickness and health, richer and poorer โ and even if youโve just met the person with whom you want to be in a long-term romance โ bring a short memory and a long sense of humor. Youโre gonna need it.
Read on for the best relationship advice and to see how to make a relationship last.
1. Burn your blueprint.
Rid yourself of whatever fantasies you harbor about the bliss of coupled life. Theyโre not helping. There is no script, so donโt be disappointed when your fairytale gets hijacked.
2. Forgive.
Didnโt Jesus say something about forgiving someone not just seven times but seventy times seven? That would be 490 timesโฆ.which should last you through your first 6 months. Jesus underestimated because remember, he wasnโt married.
3. And forget.
If you forgive but donโt forget, did you really forgive? I know people who claim to have forgiven but still use every available opportunity to bring it up. And if you donโt want to forgive, forgetting works just as well.
4. Be a good teammate.
Life can come at you hard. One of the nice things about marriage and relationships is being able to have someone else in the bunker when youโre getting shelled.
Related: 10 Signs of a Healthy Relationship
5. Grow.
If you still have the same desires, opinions, and beliefs at age 50 that you did at age 25, thatโs your own damn fault. You will not, and should not, be the same person you were then.
6. And adapt.
Even if you stagnate, the person youโre in a relationship with will change. Donโt fight it. Embrace it, learn from it, be thankful for it.
7. Find your faith.
There is great comfort in believing in something or someone beyond our crude human existence. Explore this belief. Take this journey together.
8. Travel together.
Travel forces couples to rely on one another in unpredictable ways. It will also broaden your worldview and the way you value your relationship.
9. Travel separately.
I want to go to Australia and you want to go to Maine? Cool. Take lots of pictures. See you in a week.
10. Develop your own interests.
It seems counter-intuitive, but you will enhance your relationship when you pursue your separate interests.
11. Cultivate a wide, diverse circle of friends.
One of the greatest joys of living is meeting new people. And many of the people you meet will likely make you appreciate your mate even more.
12. Donโt keep score.
I know a couple who keeps track of the number of times each partner completes a household chore. Donโt do this. Itโs exhausting. And childish.
13. Exercise.
You owe it to each other to be in the best physical health possible. The mental side effects of exercise will also be beneficial.
14. Practice self-awareness.
Take frequent looks in the mirror. Reflect on who you are and the contributions you are making to your relationship. Are you being judgmental? Unfair? Harsh? Hypercritical? Defensive?
Related: How To Navigate The Stages of Love and Build A Healthy Relationship
15. Admit that youโre wrong (even, on occasion, when you arenโt).
This is both the easiest and hardest thing to do on this list. But this simple gesture will pay immeasurable dividends; it will help you grow and itโs just the right thing to do.
16. Celebrate accomplishments big and small.
Whether itโs a promotion at work or the police officer letting you off with just a warning, find every occasion possible to toast your good fortune.
17. Surprise one another.
Fill up her car. Let him sleep alone in the bed once in a while. Buy some bacon.
18. Itโs the good little things.
Holding the door, suggesting a movie night, paying attention. The reward for these is greater than the sum of the parts.
19. And itโs the bad little things.
Cracking your knuckles, spitting, clearing your throat, picking your nose, chewing ice. These are death by a thousand cuts to your relationship.
20. Cultivate your finer qualities.
When do you ever have an opportunity to really work on qualities that make you a better person? In a strong relationship, you can do it every single day. Qualities like patience, loyalty, compassion, trust.
21. The bathroom is private.
If you think itโs quaint to brush your teeth while I use the toilet, youโll change your mind about that eventually. Trust me.
22. Talk about sex (but not just right before, during, or right after).
Sex is an important part of any relationship. But for some reason, couples donโt want to discuss it unless they are in the throes of passion. Donโt make sex a taboo subject.
23. Encourage each other.
We all have insecurities. Your relationship is one place where you should be completely free to reveal these and your spouse should help you overcome them.
24. Itโs okay to have secrets.
Even George Bailey slipped Violet Bick a $20 bill every now and then.
25. Avoid subtext.
This is a cowardly way to communicate. If you have something to say, say it. Donโt hint about it.
26. Put it down.
The toilet seat. Her cell phone. The beat.
27. Pick it up.
Your dirty sock. Your used tissue. The pace.
28. Donโt over-romanticize past (or future) relationships.
You werenโt that great and your ex isnโt that hot.
Related: 9 Thoughts That Prove Youโre In A Genuinely Healthy Relationship
29. Never use the โsโ word.
Donโt call each other โstupid.โ Thatโs just stuโฆ. not wise.
30. Offer solutions, not criticism.
Anyone can criticize. A good teammate (See Rule 4) will offer a way out.
31. Read.
To escape or to expand. Either way, it helps.
32. You are equals.
It doesnโt matter which one of you makes the most money. It doesnโt matter which one of you has the better REO Speedwagon vinyl collection. It doesnโt matter which one of you has the best nickname. It doesnโt even matter which one of you has the coolest food allergy.
33. Compliment each other.
Sincerely and often.
34. Respect each otherโs friends.
You know your wifeโs loud-mouthed, insane friend Cathy who thinks you have weak bullshit and canโt believe you married her BFF? See below.
35. Know when to keep your mouth shut.
No list would be complete without the โDo these jeans make my butt look big?โ lesson.
36. Indulge each otherโs passions.
Scrapbooking doesnโt count.
37. Lose your arbitrary moral code.
This list alone proves that I am the king of the double standard. When I want to spend money on a new set of golf clubs, itโs a good investment. When my wife wants to spend money on new kitchen countertops, sheโs profligate. Itโs not exactly fair.
38. Respect space and time.
Have we not evolved as a species or watched enough Dr. Phil realize our mate does not want to answer the question โHow was your day?โ the minute he/she walks in the door?
Related: Want A Healthy Relationship? Stop Making It โAll About Himโ
39. Take pride in your appearance.
Your marriage license doesnโt give you a free pass to always wear sweat pants and T-shirts.
40. Maintain good hygiene.
Could your big toenail puncture a snow tire? Could your breath peel wallpaper? Take care of that, please. I donโt want to have to tell you again.
41. Ask before you throw it away.
Donโt touch that broken, ceramic, animated cactus tequila shot, glass holder. Iโm serious.
42. Invite his/her family to special gatherings.
At least once. Thankfully, this may be all you need.
43. Speaking of family, everyone gets a holiday card and a birth announcement.
Even your creepy Uncle Steve and their psycho cousin Lisa.
44. Donโt be petty.
So I forgot to stop at the store to get your prescription. Did you have to throw away my ceramic cactus shot glass holder?
45. Be self-sufficient.
Learn to do your own laundry. Know how to cook a meal; how to navigate the grocery store; how to make an online purchase; how to turn off the water to the house; how to erect a Nerf basketball hoop; how to unclog a toilet.
46. Everything is fair game for a joke.
This should be at the heart of everything you do. I have not found a single thing that I have been unable to eventually laugh about. If you know this from the beginning, it makes things a lot more fun.
47. Have good manners.
Donโt yell. Open the door. Help carry the groceries. Cover your cough. Hold your gas.
48. Be responsible with money.
No one lives on love. You need money. If you earned it, you will almost certainly respect it. If you didnโt earn it, you must respect it even more.
49. Remember to say thank you.
Even and especially when things donโt seem like they need to be acknowledged.
Related: Relationships & Self-Love: 9 Self-Love Rules In A Healthy Relationship
50. Adapting beats abandoning.
There will be moments when you want to quit, walk out, give up. You can do that. But you will probably be doing so without giving due consideration to the new life that awaits you. Will you be better off in six months? 10 years?
Written By Tim Hoch Originally Appeared In Thought Catalog
It is always the little things that make the most difference when your relationship is concerned. The smallest gesture can go a long way in making your partner feel loved. So, remember this relationship advice, try it, and see how your relationship changes for the better.
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