Generosity alters your relationship from a transactional one to a loving one. Sometimes, being generous simply means giving your lover the benefit of the doubt, forgiving him or her when you feel hurt, or offering the one you love a sincere apology when you mess up.
4. They surprise each other
Surprise breathes life into relationships, creating unexpected magical moments. The element of surprise injects “good drama” into your lives, which helps flush out the mundane without contaminating your relationship with hurt or craziness.
At the beginning of a relationship, your dates, conversations, and bedroom romps were full of surprises. Really healthy, happy couples sprinkle surprise into their relationship regularly. It allows partners to summon their creativity, to see who can plan the bigger sweet shock, the most exciting adventure.
Of course, there is no need for anything overly epic: a surprise movie dinner date for no reason speaks as loud as tickets to Paris (well, maybe just a decibel or two lower). Fun and thoughtful surprises keep the honeymoon phase alive and thriving.
5. They stay in the moment together
Social media, Hulu (or Netflix or Amazon), work, kids, chores, community obligations — every day couples are pulled apart by countless distractions. But, carving out time to remain fully present with your lover is one of the most important ingredients to creating deep, lasting connection. Only when you stay in the moment can you fully see your partner and him or her see you.
Your full presence shows that you value your partner’s company, thoughts, feelings, as well as his or her wants and needs. In practice, this looks like listening without fixing, and not walking out of the room when the one you love is still talking.
Staying present helps you tune with your partner well enough to know when something is wrong. At which, love grows when you asking about what’s troubling him or her, even without your partner having to first say it.
6. They’re super touchy-feely
Infants who aren’t physically cared for literally shrivel up, and can even die. Although the consequences of not being touched aren’t the same for adults (no matter what men might tell you), touch does have the power to heal, to lift your lover from depression, ease pain, and soothe a tired mind.
In the same vein, skin to skin contact floods your brain with bonding chemicals and, from there, it’s a slippery slide to sex. For deeply intimate couples, sex becomes the reset button for their relationship. They know that more times than not, the root of problems between couples stem from subtle feelings of disconnection. That’s why problems and conflicts that seem unsolvable shift and dissolve during pillow talk. Once you’ve restored intimacy, the friction washes away.
7. They fight hard for their love
Believe it or not, the right kind of fighting is healthy and supercharges intimacy.
Fighting defines healthy boundaries. Letting your partner know what hurts you, and what you’re willing — and not willing — to put up with helps you both love each other better. An argument can serve as a platform for your true feelings to surface, thus revealing a deeper understanding of who you are rather than who you’re pretending to be.
Healthy fighting is not fighting for yourself or because you’re right; it’s fighting to better understand (each other and the situation). If you’re fighting to win, you’ve already lost. So, before you pick a fight with your honey, make sure it’s for the right reasons.
8. They nurture a shared dream
A shared vision or dream inspires relationship growth, expansion and puts the two of you on the same team moving toward a common goal. A shared vision lets you travel down the road together fearlessly facing challenges as they arise (always having each other’s back). Vision turns your relationship into an “us versus the world” game, bonding you together. Talking about past positive experiences and planning future events together creates and strengthens intimacy in powerful ways.
There is no need for large or life-changing future events; your shared vision might be something as small as going to the farmer’s market, redecorating a room, taking a trip together, or starting a new challenging hobby together.