“Let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love;
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
– Kahlil Gibran
A mature and beautiful love relationship is when two partners come together and help each other grow into their highest possible versions without losing their individuality in the process.
But sometimes we become so love struck especially in the initial phases of our relationships that we become obsessed with the thoughts of our partners and want to spend every waking minute with them.
While this infatuation is understandable in the initial days of your relationship while your brain is flushed with love chemicals and you are getting to know each other but to continue in this manner, in the long run, is toxic and a sign of a codependent relationship.
No matter how lovestruck you are or how great your relationship is, it is never a good idea to lose your identity in your relationship.
Each one of us has our own destiny to fulfill and identity to be carved as unique individuals and genuine lovers always acknowledge and encourage their partner’s individuality.
If you relate to any of these signs mentioned below, it is a wakeup call that you are losing your identity in your relationship and you need to rethink your ways:
1) You are losing your passion for your dreams and goals
We all have our dreams and goals as individuals and we constantly strive to learn and evolve and chase our dreams. If after being in a relationship all your contentment comes from keeping your partner happy so much so that you have buried your dreams in the ground, you are in trouble.
Your passion and dreams are a part of what you are as a person and define your identity. Don’t stop chasing them and evolving as a person no matter what stage of a relationship you are in.
2) You cancel plans with your friends and your social life is shrinking
Do you prioritize meeting him or spending time with him over meeting your friends and other interests? Do you keep canceling social invites to accommodate his needs?
If partners do not give each other the space to pursue their hobbies and have an active social life outside of a relationship, it could be a huge red flag that they are too insecure or too needy or dependent and both the scenarios are not good for a healthy relationship.
3) You value his approval and opinion more than making your own choices
While it is ok to seek each other opinion on important matters but if you seek his approval or opinion for making every small decision then you are losing yourself in the relationship.
You are a grown-up and confident mature individual and you really don’t need to seek anyone’s approval every freaking time.
4) Your self-confidence has gone for a toss
The right relationship will make you push you to the top. But if you have been neglecting your own goals and dreams, seeking his approval for every small thing, and shrinking your social life, your self-confidence is bound to fall.
And nothing is more important than being your kick-ass confident self and being able to feel independent and free. If your relationship is not letting you be that kickass free woman let it go.
5) You feel out of control
Are you feeling edgier like you are walking on eggshells? Do you have to weigh in your words before you converse with your partner fearing you might lose him? Are you distracted all the time and losing focus over your career, social life, and yourself in general?
Then, sweetheart, it is not a happy place to be. A relationship should be a safe space for healthy conversation and should inspire you to be your best and not drain you.
6) Your friends find your love antics odd
Are your friends alarmed and concerned about the changes in your behavior since you have been in the relationship? Do they find your love antics too odd and alarming?
It is time you paid heed to their advice because you might be too love-struck to realize you have given yourself away in your relationship.
7) You miss your single days
A relationship should really be the place where the partners encourage each other to do more of what they love to do.
Do you feel that you have lost the freedom to do the things you loved to do? Do you have a little voice inside that whispers to you that your single days were so much better?
Then, darling, you are clearly losing yourself in the relationship and it’s time to better your ways.
8) You have lowered your standards and let yourself talked into doing things you normally wouldn’t do
Have you lowered your standards in the name of love? Are you compromising on your values fearing he would leave you if you don’t?
Do you let him have his way most of the time keeping your preferences and wishes aside?
While the relationship is built on understanding and compromise, you should not let someone walk all over you in the name of love.
9) Your inner voice keeps nagging you
You feel constant unease and stress in your relationship and can’t pinpoint exactly what’s wrong. It is the inner voice that keeps nagging you to look realistically at your relationship and it will keep haunting you till you don’t listen to it.
If your gut feeling and intuition is telling you something is off, do yourself a favor and listen to it.
10) He is all you ever think about/talk about/dream about
It is ok to have a certain level of infatuation in the initial days of your relationship but if he is all you ever think about, talk about, dream about all the time, you need to snap out of it.
You have a whole life outside of your relationship and you do not need to revolve your entire life around anyone, no matter how great the relationship.
11) You don’t recognize who you are anymore
Is he likes becoming your likes? Are his choices becoming your choices? Are you turning into a carbon copy of your partner?
Have you changed so much for your partner that you don’t recognize yourself anymore?
If the answer to any of these questions is yes, you need to reconsider your relationship.
A relationship that is worth keeping is the one where you are loved and accepted for who you are and doesn’t require you to turn into a twin of your partner and lose your individuality.
12) You don’t have any hobbies or interest and you don’t know what to do with your time without him
If you don’t have any hobbies or interests outside of your relationship and you don’t know what to do with your time when he is not around, you are turning yourself into a co-dependent partner.
Being a couple doesn’t mean that you stick around with each other all the time. You need to spend as much time on yourself, your hobbies, and friends as much as you spend on the relationship.
If you have ticked any of these signs, then you are clearly losing yourself in the relationship. The good news is it is never too late to course-correct.
A good relationship is where you can be the best possible version of yourself and not the one where you actually lose your identity.
Go reclaim yourself, you got this!
You may also like
- Narcissistic Relationships
- Why Romance Turns Toxic: The Psychology Behind Love & Relationships
- Signs of Codependency in Relationships
- Solving the Problem of Controlling People
- How to Change Your Codependent Behaviors
- 9 Differences Between True Love & Emotional Dependency
- Signs You Might Be In A Codependent Relationship