“Let there be spaces in your togetherness,
And let the winds of the heavens dance between you.
Love one another but make not a bond of love;
Let it rather be a moving sea between the shores of your souls.
Give your hearts, but not into each other’s keeping.
For only the hand of Life can contain your hearts.
And stand together, yet not too near together:
For the pillars of the temple stand apart,
And the oak tree and the cypress grow not in each other’s shadow.”
– Kahlil Gibran
A mature and beautiful love relationship is when two partners come together and help each other grow into their highest possible versions without losing their individuality in the process.
But sometimes we become so love struck especially in the initial phases of our relationships that we become obsessed with the thoughts of our partners and want to spend every waking minute with them.
While this infatuation is understandable in the initial days of your relationship while your brain is flushed with love chemicals and you are getting to know each other but to continue in this manner, in the long run, is toxic and a sign of a codependent relationship.
No matter how lovestruck you are or how great your relationship is, it is never a good idea to lose your identity in your relationship.
Each one of us has our own destiny to fulfill and identity to be carved as unique individuals and genuine lovers always acknowledge and encourage their partner’s individuality.
If you relate to any of these signs mentioned below, it is a wakeup call that you are losing your identity in your relationship and you need to rethink your ways:
1) You are losing your passion for your dreams and goals
We all have our dreams and goals as individuals and we constantly strive to learn and evolve and chase our dreams. If after being in a relationship all your contentment comes from keeping your partner happy so much so that you have buried your dreams in the ground, you are in trouble.
Your passion and dreams are a part of what you are as a person and define your identity. Don’t stop chasing them and evolving as a person no matter what stage of a relationship you are in.
2) You cancel plans with your friends and your social life is shrinking
Do you prioritize meeting him or spending time with him over meeting your friends and other interests? Do you keep canceling social invites to accommodate his needs?
If partners do not give each other the space to pursue their hobbies and have an active social life outside of a relationship, it could be a huge red flag that they are too insecure or too needy or dependent and both the scenarios are not good for a healthy relationship.
3) You value his approval and opinion more than making your own choices
While it is ok to seek each other opinion on important matters but if you seek his approval or opinion for making every small decision then you are losing yourself in the relationship.
You are a grown up and confident mature individual and you really don’t need to seek anyone’s approval every freaking time.
4) Your self-confidence has gone for a toss
The right relationship will make you push you to the top. But if you have been neglecting your own goals and dreams, seeking his approval for every small thing and shrinking your social life, your self-confidence is bound to fall.
And nothing is more important than being your kick-ass confident self and being able to feel independent and free. If your relationship is not letting you be that kickass free woman let it go.
5) You feel out of control
Are you feeling more edgy like you are walking on eggshells? Do you have to weigh in your words before you converse with your partner fearing you might lose him? Are you distracted all the time and losing focus over your career, social life and yourself in general?
Then, sweetheart, it is not a happy place to be. A relationship should be a safe space for healthy conversation and should inspire you to be your best and not drain you.