Part of learning how to have healthy relationships is also being able to recognize signs of abuse in your current relationships. To begin with, I would like to review some information about narcissism; this is because I believe that narcissism is one of the most subtle, hidden forms of abuse out there.
My daddy was a narcissist, and I suffered under his hand for 24 years of my life. Please consider this information as lessons learned from my pain, so that you don’t have to suffer unnecessarily in yours. Consider this my gift to you, one that I suffered to give:
Narcissism creates an atmosphere of codependency. This means that in a relationship with a narcissist, you will often find yourself thinking thoughts like, “I just can’t do this without them”, or, “I’m totally incapable without this person’s help”.
Now, those don’t immediately sound like bad thoughts, but let me expose the truth: true love doesn’t create codependency. True love recognizes its strengths and weaknesses and resolves to improve both, not become stagnant and placing responsibility on another. True love says things like, “I flourish with this person’s help, but I know if I just keep going, I can get through this”, or, “This person’s love inspires me to push myself harder”.
Narcissism wants you to be dependent and incapable of moving or making decisions without it. In a relationship with a narcissist, that person will often become upset if they think that you’re doing things without their permission, or if they think that you think you’re better off without them. That’s because in order to operate, narcissism needs prey it can feed on; feeding on the host itself is never enough. Narcissism works overtime to create victims that don’t even know they are victims.
“He said he loved her without counting the cost. She thought without his love, she would be lost.”
The narcissist will say and do anything to entrap their prey. They will say they love you, yet deeply down, they haven’t truly counted the cost of what those words will mean to the other person. The narcissist only has perception and vision for themselves.
The victim of narcissism will take those words, bury them deeply within their hearts, and believe that without that love, they are nothing. Victims of narcissism often believe they are damaged goods and simply “lucky” enough to be loved by the abuser. Victims of narcissism will often have a low opinion of themselves, therefore it is extremely easy for them to become codependent on the narcissist. Why? Narcissists are very often confident and charismatic, having a charm that draws the unsuspecting victim inward.
Here are some warning signs of codependency and narcissistic abuse in relationships”
Narcissism can be healed, but only after it is revealed.