Signs You Might Be In A Codependent Relationship

There is no denying, our relationships are the most important thing that matter to us. Relationships affect us like nothing else and nothing impacts us more than our relationships. In her book Eat Pray Love writer Elizabeth Gilbert speaks about her psychologist friend who was involved with counseling of Cambodian refugees. This task was a serious one and also a daunting one. She discovered that those people who had been through traumatic experiences through the course of their journey wanted to speak only about their relationships.

There are so many things that can make us happy or sad but not as much as our relationships. They at times pose biggest challenges and also become the cause of greatest happiness. When viewed from spiritual perspective they are like assignments that life puts forth to us.  They create circumstances that are like opportunities that help us see those areas clearly which need healing. These situations arise in context of our relationship with others which offer the opportunity to understand our behavioral patterns, our triggers and blocks.

Codependency means the feeling of being dependent on someone. The feeling that our existence is impossible without their existence.  We look up to them to validate our actions or whatever we might do.  We can’t feel happiness or contentment without them. We can’t even feel complete in their absence. This in fact, prevents us from understanding our own potential and bring out our best selves. When we cannot grow personally, we cannot be better individuals, and thus, we limit our ability to bring positivity to the relationship.

Despite being in a codependent relationship, we are hardly able to understand that we are enacting patterns that relate to such a relationship. This is because we have been raised believing in certain myths as to how relationships work, especially, the ones in which we are romantically involved. Most of these wrong beliefs nurture codependency

When do we realize that we are living in a codependent relationship? People may live that way for years and still not know, until they are faced by reality that is brought usually by circumstances that sets them apart from the other person. It could be a break up or death or anything. That is when fear of being alone the insecurity of being left out and hopelessness rises to the surface and we are able to see them clearly.

 A kind of emptiness creeps in, for we no longer have that outside source of love and attention that we depended upon so badly. Long ago in the relationship we had made someone the center of our universe, the ultimate source of love and happiness. When that center of our universe vanishes, we are left struggling to find something to cling to. We are left so helpless. And that is when we realize we had been in a codependent relationship.

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9 COMMENTS

    • For a self realized one, an enlightened one, relationships are not required.
      That’s what humans are. Humans are like the roots of the plant, you are earthly,you need to depend on one another. Like a father depending on his son ,like a son depending on his mother.

      An awakened one needs no one. For one is completely independent, one is unearthly, one is the heavens,one is like a pillar of independence,a mountain peak. Such one is like a flower with its beauty and fragrance,without roots.
      The best part is,Everyone has the potential to realize themselves.

  1. oh yes .. it is called marriage .. and I canot work because I have a degenerative disc and taking care of my special needs son .. so my husband is surely … the one who brings the food to the table .. rent .. school .. med.. every thing .. so i know the signs .. WELL …