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Mind Control in Relationships: How Your Partner Can Control Your Brain

Mind Control in Relationships

Did you know, your partner can control your brain? Believe it or not, mind control in relationships is pretty common. Our brains can be altered by someone putting their thoughts into them.

When we trust someone blindly, it becomes easier for a controlling partner to put their needs, demands, and opinions into our minds and control us in a way that we focus only on meeting those demands.

Partner control your brain.
Mind Control in Relationships: Controlling Relationship

A new study sheds light on how other people influence our minds. Research on mice, whose brains are remarkably similar to humans, reveals that our brains are affected by those around us. The key factor is dominance.

The brain of the subordinate mouse is synchronized to the dominant mouse. This likely applies to our relationships. Typically, people with stronger personalities make the decisions and get their needs met more often than their partners do.

Other factors play a part. The more the mice interacted with each other, the more their brain activity was synched. Hence, the longevity and intensity of a relationship affect the degree to which those close to us have influence.

A further twist on brain synchrony turns on two types of brain cells. One set is focused on our own behavior, and a second set focuses on other people.

How we think and where we place our attention matters. At Carnegie Mellon University, neuroscientists are tracking our thoughts in fMRI’s brain scans to see which areas and neurons light up. Self and other neurons light up in varying degrees among certain populations. (60 Minutes Ep. 52, “How MRI scans are showing scientists the physical makeup of our thoughts,” Nov 24, 2019.)

Dominance vs. Balance in Relationships

Ideally, friendships and intimate relationships are balanced so that both friends and partners have an equal say in decision-making. Overall, both individuals get their needs met.

They each are able to assert themselves and negotiate on their own behalf. There is give and take and compromise. This is an interdependent relationship. It requires autonomy, self-esteem, mutual respect, and assertive communication skills.

Contrast codependent relationships that are imbalanced, which is often true in abusive relationships. One individual leads and the other follows; one dominates and the other accommodates.

Some relationships are characterized by constant conflict and power struggles. Conquering Shame and Codependency describes traits and motivations of “Master” and “Accommodator” personalities.

Codependency isn't sexy.
Mind Control in Relationships: Partner Control Your Brain

Read: Why Double Standards Are Toxic AF & How It Can Ruin Your Relationship

The master is aggressive and motivated to maintain power and control, while the accommodator is passive and motivated to maintain love and connection. Most of us have aspects of both types in our personality, although some people predominantly fall into one category. For example, many codependents are accommodators, and most narcissists prefer to be masters.

Mind Control in Relationships: How Our Partner Controls Our Brain

Brain synchronization enables the dominant animal to lead and subordinate animals to read their cues and follow. What does this mean for our relationships? The new research suggests that in unequal relationships, the dominant partner’s brain will entrain that of the subordinate partner, whose brain will synchronize with it.

This pattern becomes more established the longer the couple interacts. Some individuals, including codependents, are assertive and appear to behave independently prior to or outside of the relationship. But once attached to a master, they increasingly accommodate the dominant partner.

Partner Control Your Brain.
Mind Control in Relationships: Partner Control Your Brain

There are many variables at work, but presumably, brain synchronization is one that makes it harder for the subordinate person in the relationship to think and act autonomously and challenge the power imbalance.

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Darlene Lancer, JD, LMFT

Darlene Lancer is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist and an expert author on relationships and codependency. She's counseled individuals and couples for 30 years and coaches internationally. Her books and other online booksellers and her website.View Author posts