“I am strong, but I am tired, Stephen, tired of always having to be the strong one, of always having to do the right thing.” ― Brenda Joyce, An Impossible Attraction
Strength is believing in love when you’ve only known heartbreak.
It’s drying your own tears that no one knew you cried.
Strength is overcoming your own demons or vices.
And looking at someone who completely broke you and you forgive them.
Strength is helping others even when it’s you that hasn’t quite figured it out yet.
It’s trusting everyone even though you have every reason not to.
Strength is biting your tongue when someone is unkind and realizing it’s a reflection of them and not you.
It’s holding on and believing in something you know you deserve but haven’t gotten yet.
Strength is when everyone doubts you but you believe in yourself anyway.
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But the truth is I’m strong but I’m tired.
I’m tired of being hurt every time I get my hopes up.
I’m tired of anticipating the worst and watching it play out.
I’m tired of being let down.
And always blaming myself for things.
I’m tired of people telling me I need to change. Then every time I try to I lose myself in an attempt to make them happy.
I’m tired of constantly being challenged and always having to be the bigger person.
I’m tired of thinking too much about people who care too little.
I’m tired of overthinking.
I’m tired of spending 15 minutes of coming up with a text only to get an answer K.
I’m tired of trying so hard to please others when I don’t ask for much in return.
I’m tired of staying up at night as thoughts consume me and I can’t sleep.
I’m tired of carrying this weight on my shoulders from my past that haunts me.
I’m tired of being strong for everyone.
I’m tired of always figuring out the solutions when it isn’t even my problem, to begin with.
I’m tired of the explanations that came too late.
And people walking away with no reason when I’m the one holding the door saying, ‘I’ll miss you.’
The truth is caring as much as this hurts. It’s knowing pain at levels others never will. It’s knowing sadness and darkness the way others don’t. It’s experiencing heartbreak that hurts more than any physical amount of pain.
But on the other end of such intense emotions is knowing a love so deep, it fills you despite their absence. Despite a sadness you can’t shake, on most days, you’ll experience the happiness that makes it worth it. Despite the pain of endings, you’ll look forward to new beginnings. Because you know when you get it right it’s worth it.
And the truth is if you ask any person who is like this, what they would choose, they wouldn’t change anything about themselves even if they are tired.
There is something rare about a person that strong. They are the healers of the world. They are the light for others in darkness. They are the hope when everyone has lost it and they end up being loved deeply by everyone for being exactly who they are and not changing when others allowed the pain to change them.
The truth is though regardless of how tired or hurt or disappointed these people feel, the fact they haven’t changed is why they are different. Pain changes most people but for some, they see pain simply as the other end of the same spectrum that love is on, so they stay the path and keep their heads high.
Written By Kirsten Corley
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